King of the Hill!

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

CRANKY IS TOO GUD FOR SUCH WEAK TRICKS.

In any case: I link you to my brand new Text Adventure. While you check that out, I reclaim the hill.

EASY.

MY HILL!!!

[W32Coravint]

A random voxelated guy hops into the battle and pulls out an array of guns, then fires them at Tazz/whoever Tazz is playing in this game, peppering him with bullets laced with the following:

1. Fluoroantimonic acid
2. The element ununoctium
3. Chlorine trifluoride
4. Polonium-210
5. Ebolavirus
6. A variety of objects that break the laws of physics and are also incredibly deadly
7. The Arcticbomb virus
8. CIH
9. Marburg (both electronic and biological)
10. CryptoLocker
11. The sheer awesomeness that is a certain ridiculously loud pitchman
12. Memes
13. Every celestial object in existence
14. PLAMZ
15. Super-deadly tests proven to destroy anything, even genius sentient tables
16. Morbid-obesity-causing burgers
17. Every size of Rubik's cube up to 10x10
18. A certain hearing test composed of 853 and 960 Hz tones played loudly
19. Elements belonging to a version of the periodic table that makes no sense at all
20. Organic compounds that cannot be synthesized by regular chemistry
21. The luck brought by the number eight in Chinese numerology
22. The sheer loudness of hearing tests and the loudest pitchman's voice combined
23. The different "elements" making up the magical system... all of them
24. An angry Texan man who keeps a ridiculous amount of beer cans in his office
25. An incredibly hot-tempered German teenager who spends his time playing Unreal Tournament

Tazz is knocked so far back by this reference that probably only he and I get that he lands exactly 31,337 meters from the hill. While he is flying said 31,337 meters, the voxelated man "flash-steps" up the hill, whatever that means, and plants a flag with a monogram of the letters "CSC" on it, whatever that means.

It's the voxelated guy's hill now.

[Steven_Six]

Hm. This man is clearly versed in the ways of guns.
BUT SWORDS ARE BETTER THAN GUNS BECAUSE SAO
As the voxelated man fires his idiotic array of guns at me, I slice each and every one in half with an energy sword/Lightsabre BECAUSE MAY THE 4TH BE WITH YOU
and then launch him off the hill with the mighty FORCE CHOKE and levitate on the hill.

[Neo Emolga]

I want my hill back, and I see Steven lounging there. Not cool. Totally unacceptable.

My Musical Ensemble of Feral Pink Flamingos and my Singing Zombie Chorus reunite as I fire up my Mega Bass Guitar of Doom. This, in unison with the musical ensemble of gong, triangle, and harpsichord, create EAR-SPLITTING THRASH METAL SONG - "IF ONLY YOU WERE DEAF" ATTACK, which makes Steven explode because of how loud and terrible it is. However, just a split second before he goes blasting away again, I freeze time and cover him with birthday wrapping paper wrapped with a blue ribbon, and then step away and resume normal time flow. He goes flying into Botswana and lands in a tree. He disrupts Mr. Pecky Bird's nest, so Mr. Pecky Bird goes totally apecrap crazy and pecks him incessantly to complete madness.

I enjoy my hammock, get a fresh glass of ice-cold lemonade, and it looks like it's my hill again.

MY HILL!!!

[Steven_Six]

Don't get too confident now - just because i apologised doesn't mean i returned the sword! AND NOW IT BECOMES A LIGHT SABRE!
Becasue one day event based powers.

SO

I teleport using a hyperdrive from a crashed spaceship (VERY RISKY, DON'T TRY AT HOME) and then
I lightsabre of infinite unicorn you into orbit. Ah, space. This is a common place to get launched to, no?
BUT THEN JAR-JAR F***ING BINKS SHOWS UP TO BUG YOU.

You need help, but the hosPITal does not have a space based building.

So i take the hill and drink some lemonade.

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

I march back onto the hill, marching all over Steven_Six and his inevitable past AND future attempt to stop me later! Oh, what's this under my boots? Hello, Steven_Six? Thinking this was you're hill.

Well guess what?

WRONG!!!

I punt Steven_Six into HosPITal and reclaim the hill.

MY HILL!!!

[Steven_Six]

Stomped
Stooped
Stopped
Slopped
Slapped
By this magic word logic, you suddenly stop stomping me and start slapping yourself! You find no relief from the silly looking pain or voice in your head constantly saying "Why are you hitting yourself?" you run off to the hosPITal to get some electroshock therapy. TOO MUCH electroshock therapy. You are now paralysed.

And i can take the hill again.

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

YOU FOOL! I have never stomped on you, I have MARCHED on you! While you fail to cast your grammaromancy on me, I cast a spell of shutting your trap, which shuts your mouth WITH a trap (so non-indicative), causing you to be unable to cast spells because poison. You attempt to figure out how this poisoned you, but this is interrupted by me building train tracks on the hill, and then calling in a bullet train, which paves you across the tracks in a smear that is roughly orange-ish. Yellow from Flu, Red from, well you know...

Onboard HosPITal crew heals you before you realize, grimly, that this is a one-way train to Aoipyaghiuoad, which is basically a place of no return. While you plan out how to do that (or foolishly abandon train), I reclaim the hill.

MY HILL!!!

[Steven_Six]

...
Well then.

WAIT. IDEA.

I climb onto the front of the train, then skillfully rearrange the tracks to turn it around... Right at you. And thus, YOU become the stain on the tracks. However, you are on the tracks, not the train, and are admitted to hosPITal rooms 165, 166, 167, and 168. Bye!

I then run the tracks around the hill to make a supersonic wall of PAIN TRAIN.

OOH! There's a refreshment car! I take this off the train and set it on the hill to enjoy some good eatins.

[W32Coravint]

The voxelated guy dissipates and I appear on the scene. I quickly telekinetically raise a part of the train track to send the train on a trajectory that causes the train to hit you right in the face. You are sent flying a magnificent 45,200 meters from the hill, along with the refreshment car. I proceed to reclaim the hill.

My hill.