King of the Hill!

[W32Coravint]

I counter your magic by transforming myself into a Lojbanic Elemental. I proceed to hurl /jbo/mbs at everyone on the hill, stunning them as they attempt to figure out a logical language. While they do that, I plant the Lojbanic flag on the hill and enchant the flag with Impossible Conlangs, forcing anyone attempting to modify any aspect of it to learn an impossibly complex constructed language.

The hill now belongs to the Lojbanic Empire.

[Steven_Six]

LANGUAGES! YES!
Time to screw up some things...
(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻
I use the powers of AMERICAN ENGLISH to skirt around the Impossible Conlangs, as ENGLISH is already impossible to figure out.
But i've heard it can be understood through tough thorough thought though.

This allows me to carve my face into it once again.
YEY!

Oh, and English breaks your logic, so you just disintrgrate.

[Neo Emolga]

After recovering from having been in explosions, I attack Steven by throwing a Mario Kart Spiked Blue Shell at him, which causes him to explode. Then, shortly after, I turn him into an adorable hamster via magical spell Dance of Hamsters. Sally, a spoiled-rotten girl, finds you and captures you and just wants to take you home and cuddle and squeeze and play with you all day long.

I use magical relic The Chizler to clear Steven's mug out of the hill. I then rebuild my camp, summon my Faerie and Fae folk friends to help enjoy and protect the hill, and we share lemonade and iced tea together.

MY HILL!!!

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

In an inexplicable twist, your summon of all of your friends has instead summoned everyone on your friends list, including me, as Fairy-type Pokemon. We all get pretty peeved at that sudden transformation, because some of us no longer have fingers or arms or legs, and some don't even like that Pokemon they were turned into, and we all gang up on you for the unwanted transformation with all sorts of Fae and wily powers that befuddle you.

Naturally, you are WASTED in a matter of seconds, and we all depart, except me, now a Sylveon, who gently pushes you off the hill and into a sandbox where kids make their own Lincoln logs.

I'll give that a minute to sink in.

I reclaim the hill.

MY HILL!!!

[Neo Emolga]

No! Not the children's litter box!

I take a really long shower and get my revenge on you by calling up all the Poison and Steel types I know, arm them with flaming flyswatters, and attack you and your fairy friends. The damage and mayhem is colossal. You have been rekt. We then rek your car, your 3DS, your bathroom, your spare underwear, your Pokémon plushie collection, your Facebook account, and your phone. We then throw a party while you and your Fae friends get carted off to HosPITal in the "Special Rekt Ward."

MY HILL!!!

[Steven_Six]

Suddenly, a loud, booming voice cries out from the heavens:
"YOU, NEO EMOLGA, HAVE SINNED, FOR YOU HAVE HELD THE HILL FOR FAR TOO LONG... YOU SHALL BE PUNISHED."
You quickly recognise this voice as THE GOD OF TIME... Oh dear.
"I SUMMON MY SUBORDINATE, STEVEN_SIX, AND GRANT HIM A LESSER VERSION OF MY POWERS. THIS IS SUFFICENT PUNISHMENT."

"Hey, buddy!"

While you react, I freeze time, proceed to use a glitch in which frozen enemies essentially hold their damage for when they're unfrozen to take it all, and give you the violent knock-back of about 9999999990937t378twrowiuhfakhghjalskdhfuadgfalkhfl jERRORERRORERRORERRORERROR Damage.
This sends you into hyper-speed orbit, and you hit the speed of light squared.
Thus, you turn into a lightning bolt, trapped by momentum.

And then i happily take the hill for the glory of the Time God.

[Neo Emolga]

But... that... urf.

I quickly swing back around for the hill and bump the Time God on the nose, which reveals he is actually Almond Face the Imposter! I whack Almond Face with HAPPY HOPPY MALLET, dealing a total of <INFINITUM NUMBER> HP damage! Enemy Almond Face was defeated! Neo Emolga gains <INFINITUM NUMBER> EXP points! Neo Emolga is now level <INFINITUM NUMBER>!

I then use Panties! on you, which warps you to Dimensional Rift VXK-01S. The power of Panties! also causes you to be attacked by flaming donuts and carnivorous cactuses in this dimension of XNK-01S. The Donut/Cactus Alliance declares that your punishment for intrusion is that you are turned into a pink and purple guinea pig that has a severe, crippling addiction for paper towels and floral wallpaper.

I take back control of the hill and enjoy some iced tea in my tent of relaxation and happiness.

MY HILL!!!

[Steven_Six]

Using my mighty time wizard powers, i return to my former glory... I proceed to sue you for using a spell that has a name different than its effects. Panties! Had nothing to do with Panties! Which is bounds for suing for all that you own including the hill! The court deems you guilty! I now own the hill, the lemonade, and the smores! Yes!

Relaxation...

[Neo Emolga]

I use Mind Control on the court, making them my subjects! I declare myself Super Archmage King and suddenly it doesn't matter if the names of my spells have anything to actually do with what the spell is about! And I take full advantage of that...

...by attacking you with Box of Chicken Nuggets Spell, which strikes you with a thuderbolt in the butt before I use Interstate 42 Spell, which turns you into a drunk Pichu. Then my October 14, 1995 Spell surrounds you with birthday gift wrapping before my Funny Red Rock Spell launches you back to Djibouti. The hill, lemonade, smores and hammock are mine again!

MY HILL!!!

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

Except, while you were busy with Steven_Six, I suddenly steal the hill, drag Kenny onto the hill with me for his valuable abilities, and express mail ourselves-hill and all-to an isolated area in Japan! For managing such a sweet steal, I get top honors at the [REDACTED] and my level goes up to [REDACTED]! While you try to find the hill, I just eat all the marshmellows and claim it.

MY HILL!!!