King of the Hill!

[Ganyu]

Alas, seeing that am I a phantasm, a being coming into existence while not really existing due to embodying insanity and intellect, could not be classified as a presence. Therefore I use my presence-defying ludicrous but effective powers to evict you to another hill so illusionary identical, you go sane (because a madman can't go mad) from thinking otherwise.

My hill.

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

Sadly, I'm a master at illusions, and therefore a master of seeing past said illusions as well, and my powers allow me to realize the hill is fake. I proceed to find you and beat you senseless with a barrage of Dark Pulse attacks, rendering you unconscious while I reclaim the hill.

[VeloJello]

I upend a large vat of chocolate pudding above the hill, covering you in yummy-but-sticky goo. You go to wash off, and while you're gone, I use my amazing Star Mage powers (thanks for that idea, by the way) powers to lift the hill up into the cosmos. The space hill is now mine.

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

I teleport to my hill thanks to the teleporting device I put upon there earlier, and proceed to slam down upon my hill, sending it back towards earth at maddening speeds. You lose your grip while I do not. Back on earth, I reclaim my hill.

MY HILL!!!

[Ganyu]

I fail to comprehend how one might think I'm even affected by fictional attacks copied from a video game and more so, just because my name has the French word for ghost doesn't imply that I'm a Pokemon of Ghost typing. While everyone realizes their absurd logic and complete falsehood, I proceed to elucidate the truth - that is, my hill.

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

Except I DON'T CARE. I made you Ghost-Type, JUST for the occasion.

Reality-Warping. :P But that's irrelevant right now!

I decide to go the semi-mundane route and just ignore you as I climb my hill and shove you off. Your attempts to lecture me on the notion of WHY attempting to shove you off would fail (your lack of physical existence or whatever), in and of itself, fail-and as a result of me being a Reality-Warper and deciding on what reality is, you find yourself shoved off the hill for real as a direct result. And just to make sure, I repeat that exercise with a very high-power rocket launcher. You're blown to Ohio, which is not where the hill is-the hill is in Hawaii, and I made sure of THAT much. I reclaim my hill.

MY HILL!!!

[Ganyu]

However considering that I've mentioned this before yet you're probably more obsessed with expending yourself in reality warping and other chaos, I'm not part of reality thus no matter (hurrhurr) what you do, I can't be modified by any other external means. While you continue to set your mind on warping me and whatever else you pointlessly do, I kick you off the hill. Who needs rockets?

My hill.

[ShadowJay]

*writes some random description but I'm too lazy after writing up five signature moves.*

My hill.

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

I teleport to the Underground. The Underground (which is a different plane) shares the same spatial area as the Realground, including The Hill we're fighting for, and I can see ShadowJay (and Ecrivain), but they cannot do likewise nor can they interact with me without going into the Noise-infested place, and even the Nonexistent can be pulled into a fight by those blasted things (I've tested). I claim the hill because I still can do so and the Hill recognizes me even in a plane of existance slightly higher than the Realground (the 'Under' in Underground is a bit nonindicative), ShadowJay reclaims the hill when he notices I've somehow reclaimed it without booting him off the hill first, and we repeat this pattern until ShadowJay, infuriated by my lack of presence, leaves to confront Ecrivain, thinking it's him doing some Mind Screws on him because he know's I'd not bother with faking a claim. I teleport back to the Realground, blowing away anyone foolish enough to stand too close to me (or 'non-exist' too close to me), so I keep the hill while ShadowJay deals with Ecrivain, both unaware of exactly what happened (for now).

MY HILL!!!

[VeloJello]

Latio's post confuses me, so I yell. My yell knocks him and everyone who may or may not be there off. The hill is now mine.