King of the Hill!

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

My shadow strangles your shadow while I grab the Spectral Chair and use it to smash you upside the head. You recover in HosPITol, I obtain the Hill.

MY HILL!!!

[Ganyu]

Since I'm nonexistent, I go the nonexistent HosPITol which is much efficient in healthcare due to lack of human errors. I come back and manipulate your shadow to drag you off the hill. For good measure, I shower hamster plushies that tickle you with their animated paws. My hill!

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

I, also being nonexistent, turn into thus. Without a physical form, I do not have a Shadow, hence half your plan fails. I eat the animated hampster plushies-immune from toxins, eliminating the other half. I then fart at you. You're grossed out and leave the hill.

MY HILL!!!

[Ganyu]

The hamsters plushies are actually made of metastasized ham! Which is completely non-poisonous AND anti-flatulent! Instead you emit a gas that propels you away from the hill, due to the power of your anus/hole/nonexistent-equivalent orifice~ I then launch a volley of bloodstained fireworks at you~ My hill!

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

I dodge the fireworks and come back down, and resume a spectral-chair based offense to shoo you away from the hill. It works. For now.

MY HILL!!!

[Ganyu]

I come back with a Spectral Table to double slap you and your Chair away! The hill is mine.

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

I reject reality and make you target yourself with Doubleslap. You're confused enough to leave the hill and wonder what happened while I retake it.

MY HILL!!!

[Neo Emolga]

I bake an incredible plate of epic, chocolate chip cookies, which causes Tazz to abandon the hill enjoy their sweet, sugary, chocolatey goodness.

See, I knew that would do the trick. Oh, and thanks for the hill by the way.

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

I summon the Duck Hunt Dog, who snickers at you for no reason at all. You get angry and attempt to shoot him, but he's too far away from the hill to land the shot, so you leave the hill while I reclaim it.

MY HILL!!!

[Ganyu]

I mind-control the dog to bite you and throw you off the hill into a mud pit. (I of course throw the dog on top of you in the pit). I reclaim my hill n_n