King of the Hill!

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

I'm not a Pikachu yet so I'm not bothered. I then find an all-devouring black hole loan shark and trick him into thinking you took a loan from him. While he attempts to devour you (ALL-DEVOURING black hole loan sharks) and you flee his phantom-devouring chompers, I reclaim the hill.

MY HILL!!!

[Dennis Jansen]

I summon a giant magical fan who blows everything on the hill, including you to China and claims the hill!

MY HILL!

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

Unwittingly to you, at some indefinite point in this thread the hill was moved to China! Hence, you blow me right around the world and right back towards the fan, which I crash down on your head. While you free yourself from the wreckage of a giant fan, I'll keep my hill, thank you.

MY HILL!!!

[Neo Emolga]

Chucks a Pokeball at Tazz, captures him, and then puts said Pokeball into a box and then ships it to Pluto third class. Bon voyage!

Also, this hill looks nice, so I'll place my personal flag into it and volia! It's MINE!

[Ganyu]

I inject you an alarm clock's blood and your body starts vibrating with spasms of the alarm. Your spasms are so vigorous that your body wobbles off the hill and the shrills traumatize your mind. While you leave to recuperate, I burn the flag and claim the hill!

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

Pluto neighbors Charon, and I, having long-gotten the respect of the Charon aliens, am promptly freed and sent back to earth. With a rocket. It crashes on the hill, taking out all present and allowing me to reclaim it.

MY HILL!!!

[Ganyu]

The rocket explosion was a mere push. Please, I have used rockets before too... I summon a ghoul to spear your guts and fling your body into the Third Labyrinth of the Void. My hill~

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

I break the 3rd Labrynth of the Void, come back, and use the ghoul as a weapon to make you a punching bag. It REALLY hurts. You eventually flee and I reclaim the hill after dispelling the ghoul.

MY HILL!!!

[Ganyu]

But the ghoul fights against you for trying to turn it into a tool, especially one against its summoner. Its kagunes don't lay a scratch on me and I laugh at your folly. While you are under the DEBUFF OF SHAME, I promptly ship you off to West Africa. Good luck with the wild Ebolas there. I thus make the hill mine~

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

I warp the Hill to west africa using a teleporter I sneakily planted on the Hill. You're in the middle of China with nothing, I now have a Hill in west Africa, and the Hill's powers keep the wild Ebolas at bay. Clearly I'm the winner in this exchange.

MY HILL!!!