King of the Hill!

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

It seems we are in a DRAW! To settle this, we engage in an ANCIENT AUSTRALIAN PSYCHIC BATTLE! You lose. I win. I get Hill. You don't. Radiation coincidentally clears because that would be annoying to keep track of.

MY HILL!!!

[Sir Sivelos]

I give Tazz the knowledge of Goats. He realizes what a fool he's been for being human, and goes off to live a peaceful life of living as a goat. Baaaaah.

My hill.

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

I'm not human, so your last statement is FALSE! I summon goat hordes to show you what it means to know the life of goats! It's a life of...Being rammed by other goats head-on! You regret this decision and flee. I reclaim the hill.

MY HILL!!!

[Sir Sivelos]

I return, riding the mighty DRAGOON, Air Ride Machine of Flight! I zoom past, and the wind currents caused by such a fast vehicle cause you to fall off once more.

I pick up the hill using potent magics, and fly to the Polar Ice Caps, where I claim the hill.

My hill.

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

I cleverly disguise myself as the entirety of the Polar Bear population, which you feel compelled to prevent the extinction of! You rush to help one...And promptly get backstabbed a billion or so times by me. I saved them all already. I help myself to a heaping of Hill.

MY HILL!!!

[Sir Sivelos]

That was just a decoy! I had buried myself in a nearby snow drift, and had anticipated all of these past events! I rise, throwing a cupcake in your face. While you are busy with that delicious cupped pastry, I help myself to your hill.

Oh wait, my mistake.

MY HILL!

[Ganyu]

I summon a nuclear-charged comet to eradicate you!!! BYE BYE, IT'S MY HILL~

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

I was wearing the radiation-proof suit from before. I proceed to whack Ecrivain with my SPECTRAL CHAIR and reclaim the hill.

MY HILL!!!

[Ganyu]

You obviously underestimated for I have formulated an immunity to the SPECTRAL CHAIR ATTACKS! I one-up you with my NONEXISTENT-HITTING FLY-SWATTER and send you scurrying to find antiseptic for your stinging buttocks. MY HILL!

[Sir Sivelos]

I proceed to summon a Wily Ghosteater to chase you off! Its insatiable appetite will be more than enough to chase you to some obscure location.

My hill.