King of the Hill!

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

...

Uh.

I just shoot at the nearest Ditto with a Signal Beam and keep the hill.

FOR THE REGIME! OUR HILL!!

[Steven_Six]

Said ditto gets knocked back and turns into a Pikachu. O...K... then...
It doesn't have the face...
It seems self aware...
And it hates Ditto guts.

Looks like Steven's back, boys.

I run towards the hill, waving my arms and shouting "I KNOW THEIR WEAKNESS!"

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

Of course you do.

Red hot Lead.

THE REGIME'S HILL.

THIS IS RATHER DELIRIOUS BIZNASTY.

[Neo Emolga]

I strap you to a chair, pry open your mouth, dump a bucket of Pop Rocks in your mouth, and then make you guzzle diet cola until you rocket into the sky to the tune of Ode to Glory before you go tumbling into a colossal venus fly trap. You manage to escape and take the next flight back to the hill, but you get thrown out of the plane because you didn't have your tray table up and your seat in the full upright position. You go SPLAT because you did a belly-flop into a swimming pool from the plane, but thankfully HosPITal has ways of fixing that.

Seeing as how you're no longer here, I just claim this lovely hill for myself.

MY HILL!!!

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

((FYI, Regime alliance disbanded offscreen)).

THAT'S IT. NO-ONE MAKES ME DO AN IMPORPTU BELLYFLOP WITH HILL MAGIC-ING.

I call upon the dreaded, fearsome power of the ULTIMATE JIRACHI. It is spelled in allcaps like that. It makes Mega Evolution look pathetic, it makes EVERYTHING look pathetic, with its incredible wishing-ability to be the power of being the ultimate foe.

If it puts its mind to it.

Which it usually doesn't.

Come on. Just, like, one weaksauce Confusion on Neo, please. Nope, you just hit yourself.

-ULTIMATE JIRACHI is loafing around-

-insert epic attack here that does 1 damage to ULTIMATE JIRACHI-

Confusion, Neo, now, please.

-ULTIMATE JIRACHI pretended not to listen!-

-insert amazing attack that does 1 damage to ULTIMATE JIRACHI-

OK that's quite enough, please, Confusion Neo Emolga!

-ULTIMATE JIRACHI turned away!-

-insert awesomesauce attack that crits and does 1 damage to ULTIMATE JIRACHI-

The ULTIMATE JIRACHI is officially peeved by you lightly pressing a pressure point and promptly obliterates you with a relatively-weak Confusion attack. Neo Emolga was KO'd!

ULTIMATE JIRACHI gained 1 EXP and departs. Meanwhile, I take the hill, uncontested.

MY HILL!!!

[Neo Emolga]

Ouch, what did I ever do to ULTIMATE JIRACHI!?

I speed-pass pay the HosPITal bill and find you on the hill. I then whack you with a giant mattress and then smother you with minty-fresh toothpaste. I then stick you to said mattress, sprinkle confetti all over the sticky mess, and then load the mattress on a spring trap that launches you into the stratosphere before you tumble back down into long-neglected pigpen somewhere out in Nebraska. Also, you happen to land body-side down. And as if it couldn't get worse, a pack of dogs comes just as it starts to rain, attacking your nostrils with the farm-fresh smell of wet dog.

I do a little victory dance, make some great iced-tea, and enjoy the comforts of Neo Emolga Hill on this fine, sunny afternoon.

MY HILL!!!

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

If you're wondering: I was doing a Psychic-type only challenge, had the Event Jirachi, and had no attacking moves other than Confusion against a Poochyena during the mandatory Rocket Grunt battle. My only other Pokemon was a Ralts and the only difference would be wasting healing items or not.

It was basically like that the entire time, except Jirachi kept hitting itself. I can see why Smogon doesn't think stall is OP now.

Speaking of Smogon, I am lifted back to the battlefield, unconscious mind, by a group of Koffing who claim themselves to be the greatest Pokemon Battlers in History. You challenge that notion, because of course, Emolga are the best. They pull out their star teams and...

Stealth Rock happens.

And then a Stone edge from a Tyranitar.

NEO AND CO. BLEEPED UP...
GAME OVER.
CRANKY'S ADVICE: GIT GUD.

While you get carted to HosPITal and are blasted at by Cranky for not being gud, I take the hill after removing myself from the Mattress. I'M NOT HAVING THE GLUE FACTORY THING BE A THING AGAIN EVER OK?

MY HILL!!!

[Steven_Six]

Well then.

I lift you up, walk over to the horde of dittos and throw you into them.

YOU ARE ASSIMILATED IMMEDIATELY.

I then just sit on the hill, just waiting for someone to give of ANOTHER near death experience.

[Neo Emolga]

Holy crap, how could I forget about this!? Also, it was toothpaste, not glue. :P

After exiting HosPITal, I use anesthesia on Cranky Kong, and while he is out like a light, I tattoo pictures of walruses and narwhals on his face.

While Tazz is getting assimilated by the gum blobs, I use anesthesia on Steven, and use that opportunity to staple sesame seed bagels to his face, surgically attach a party cone hat to his head, and amputate his legs and turn him into a centaur. After painting him green and packing him up to be shipped to Uganda economy class, I send him off and return to the hill to enjoy Camp Neo Emolga once again.

MY HILL!!!

[Steven_Six]

But you see... You gave me a magic horn, as low quality as it is.

RAINBOW PONY POWERS ACTIVATE

You are thusly pwned by rainbows and things. I then an magically healed by the powers of the hill.
I AN HUMAN ONCE AGAIN!