King of the Hill!

[Ganyu]

I blast the lava from the volcano onto the hill, burning you so severely that you have to go to another hospital that's not like the HosPITol. While you're there, I take back my hill. Lovely.

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

The HosPITol is the ONLY Hospital! All branches of all Hospitals in the world are part of the HosPITol, or at least all the good ones are.

Anyways, you're attacked by Monoeyes with their life-sucking tentacles that you probably didn't even know they had. Being minions of the Underworld's personal Army, not even a phantom such as yourself (lacking existence) can escape their grip, but lacking a living body to suck life from, the Monoeyes merely abduct you instead. While you're fighting back against them, I get healed of my burns and reclaim the hill.

MY HILL!!!

[Ganyu]

Well too bad, you're not in one because you destroyed the nearest with your ice thingamajigs. I activate the anti-tentacles and squirm my way out of the hentai army, opening portals that lead to spacial voids, sucking those monsters up. I open up another spacial rift and kick you inside it to join those Monoeyes. I claim the hill as mine!

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

Monoeyes aren't hentai...At all...In fact, the games they appear in don't actually have them use that trick, period.

Anyways, one of my buddies (living, but immune to the void and typically found within) kicks me away from the void before I get swallowed in it and its all-destroying power. I thank my buddy, then summon to the hill a thousand Phantom-smashing Mimicuties, who look like treasure chests until you approach the range of their lethal legs. I place them such that, in order to claim the hill, you'd have to 'activate' at least one, and due to the enchantments on their legs, I have made SURE they can actually hit you. Their attacks are so powerful, their defensive so great, and their numbers so many, that you're forced to flee to some defensible location, while I, being the summoner and henceforth having their total allegiance, take and reclaim my hill without hassle.

MY HILL!!!

[Ganyu]

In my escape, I kidnap one of the Mimicuties and recode it to attack you. I nickname it Sasha (no I'm not a Heavy). Sasha blows all other Mimicuties off the hill, including you! MY HILL.

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

The RED Heavy appears with Tomislav, looking to find his lost Minigun Sasha and highly misinformed by the Mimicutie of the same name. Unfazed by its many kicks and angry at the deception, the Heavy proceeds to gun down Sasha, and you flee from the hill, fearing the Heavy's wrath. The Heavy leaves once he's done with the Mimicutie, and I claim the hill because you're unaware the Heavy left.

MY HILL!!!

[Ganyu]

I return, with my cloak activated, and you can't see. I stab you and your body is left to tumble down the hill. MY HILL!

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

You keep the hill for a few weeks, to your genuine surprise. You also start to get paranoid: you expected resistance from me minutes after the back-stab, so the lack thereof means that I must be planning out some elaborate and very painful revenge scheme. You search the hill for any traps, and re-claim it several times despite nobody appearing just to make sure you weren't brainwashed into forgetting. During your search, you find a jet-black Snivy, which you dare not approach for the obvious reasons of it being a possible trap. However, after a few days, the Snivy proves to have been living on (if not exactly owning) the hill for some indefinite time since the last few weeks, and becomes a common sight to you, noticing and passing you harmlessly, looking curious. Eventually, after thinking that I must have given up with obtaining the hill for good, you decide to take in the Black Snivy and maybe start a journey with it. You throw a Quick Ball at the Black Snivy.

Long story short: I'm the Black Snivy, I prevent my capture, and I proceed to lay the world's most over-the-top, ridiculous, powerful, and bewildering smack-down ever seen. I'd give details, but the post would have been far too big. It involved blows strong enough to force time travel twice, and aborting reality, to give a rough estimate of how much power I let loose then. All as a Snivy.

After the smackdown is over, you find yourself in Nowhere-near-the-hill-ville, with HosPITol Nurses restoring you to full health, while I revert to my original form and claim the hill.

MY HILL!!!

[Ganyu]

The HosPITol nurses healed me in a matter of picoseconds and I teleport back to the hill with my Natu. I then order my Natu to teleport you off to the Abandoned Ship where your escape lies behind a locked cabin door, as well as parasitic Jellicents craving for you. [To tell the truth, given that I measured time in temporal units which are empirically 1/890 000 of a nanosecond, you took an hour to make a comeback.]

My hill.

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

...I realize that the above statement is impossible: If you measure time in units that small, then your measure of time must either be really slow in comparison to mine, implying that you either have super speed and see everything really slowly as a result (because it took weeks from my POV, so it must have felt like YEARS), or you are seeing things so fast that I would be several times faster than you and able to stop your attempt immediately.

Whether or not that is a logical paradox is IRRELEVEVANT! I use Confusion, which, bolstered by my confused state (but not the 'hurt itself in it's confusion' kind of confusion), blows apart the abandoned ship, and everything in the attacks way for...A really really long way. That wound up including you, but not the hill. You find yourself lost and alone in some weird place, I find myself atop a hill, which is mine.

MY HILL!!!