King of the Hill!

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

The train gets absolutely violent for having been molestered in such ways by both Steven_Six and W32Coravint. Naturally, Coravint is not inconvenienced, so the train decides to inconvenience him greatly.

The train promptly grows massive coal cannons and shoots burning hot coal at Coravint, as well as anyone else coming up the hill. IN a surprise twist, everyone is weak to coal damage, causing almost everyone to be one-shot by the train's wrath, enforcing HosPItal visits immediately, and the train leaves for greener pastures and cleaner tracks where dastardly do-baddies do not tie up dames in their path.

In HosPITal for these events, I march back up the hill and reclaim it with no-one to stop me.

MY HILL!!!

[W32Coravint]

I first use a weird locket that turns me into a perfectly optimized eldritch abomination and heals me to full health. I then warp out of HosPITal and glare a very angry glare at the hill. It immediately scales its horizontal aspects down by a factor of 10,000, turning it into a pillar of soil. The vertical aspect must then increase by 100,000,000 times to keep total volume approximately the same and thus Tazz is flung really really high. I then restore the hill's original scale and teleport a flag onto it.

[Neo Emolga]

I whack JAR-JAR F***ING BINKS with 9-IRON GOLF CLUB OF TORMENT, which destroys his disguise (as well as his teeth) and reveals his true and final form: SATAN. I then whip him with WET TOWEL RAT TAIL OF DIVINE JUSTICE, which makes him explode and vanish from existence. This very act has made me an intergalactic hero of time, and now all the enemies of the universe are my allies.

Using ROBO ROCKET DELUXE, I fly back toward Earth and just before reaching the hill, I release the ejection seat. ROBO ROCKET DELUXE plows into W32Coravint the Eldritch Abomination and explodes. This is somewhere between highly to extremely painful to you. After parachuting down, I then play a whimsical ditty on Summoning Flute, which summons a swarm of Faeries and Fae Folk to attack you. They whack you repeatedly, turn you into a banana (for scale), and then hand you off to Curious George. He thinks you're delicious.

I reclaim my lemonade, hammock, my 50' flatscreen, and most importantly, my hill.

MY HILL!!!

[W32Coravint]

After being eaten, I turn into a polymorphic lump of simian chyme that teleports out of Curious George's monkey stomach. I then turn into a mini spaceship and begin to latch on to random spaceships. The spaceships are then converted to half-digested banana.

I proceed to do this to every spaceship in existence, then return to Earth as the Chyme Death Star, the Diarrhea Death Star's less digested brother. Yes, the Diarrhea Death Star is actually something I didn't make up. I also recruit all of the Microsoft Sam Reads Funny Windows Errors universe to my side, permanently.

I then fire a beam of gastric hydrochloric acid that burns everyone else near the hill, including Neo Emolga, sending them to HosPITal, then plant a flag made of solidified chyme on the hill.

The hill now belongs to the Chyme Death Star.

[Steven_Six]

Well, it's a good thing I'm too busy being 45,200 meters away from the hill to be bananaed. Or Death Starred.

NOW IT'S TIME FOR REVENGE OF THE 5(I)TH!

I proceed to pull out THE DEATH SYSTEM from The Force Awakens.
The wimpy Death Star runs and screams, as this is much stronger than it.
But the only way for it to scream is if it explodes.
This is gud.


Yayyyyyyyyyyyy

And having ridded the galaxy of this menace, I drop the illusion of the Death System, and chisel my face onto the solidified chyme flag.

MY HILL

[Neo Emolga]

Urf, that's gross.

I see Steven on the hill and I target The Death System with Anomaly Distortion Cannon, which melts it into goop. I then dump the goop on Steven, turning him into a giant ball of goo. I then use Exceptional Gravity Gun on the solidified chyme flag and blast it at the goo ball, sending both the goo ball, Steven (trapped in said goo ball), and the flag, to the Andromeda Galaxy, where the goo ball hits Nebula Zero. This makes him explode into... Doritos Locos Tacos.

I then become the hill's new owner! Yay me!

MY HILL!!!

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

Neo is interrupted from his victory by noticing a rather massive shadow incoming! It's the size of a small country and is approaching rapidly! He looks up-nothing! He looks back to the shadow and declares that he must immediately be rid of it before it makes it to the hill! He naturally fires everything he has at it, ranging from ichorium lasers to bananarangs to fork launchers to calculus tests. You kick up a lot of dust in the process. Sadly, when it clears, you find that the shadow is still moving towards you rapidly. You brace for impact as it climbs up the hill.

You are promptly crushed under my freaking massive throne, which I was sitting on when Coravint launched me. I had used its impressive illusory abilities to conceal everything from below, allowing the shadow to be cast while you were on top of the hill. You are transported to HosPITal in a form so flat that its height is measured in quarks. Meanwhile, I take the hill.

MY HILL!!!

[Neo Emolga]

I've had worse. :P

I wheel in Dimensional Teleportation Cannon, which I fire at your enormous throne. It immediately transports it to Dimension Zok, where it gets shrunk and compacted into a hard rubber ball and gets sold as a chew toy in a local PetSmart to a bulldog named Gruff.

I then attack you with CD Gun, which fires dozens of leftover AOL CDs. While you are stunned, I then cast magical spell GLOOF, which makes you square dance upside down while I have my Feral Pink Flamingos and Zombie Chorus attack you with donuts and hot dogs until you spontaneously combust and are wheeled back into HosPITal.

I take back my hill, my hammock, and enjoy a nice nap.

MY HILL!!!

[W32Coravint]

Having exploded, I transform into a sentient explosion. Don't ask me how that works, it just does.

I then summon an infinite stream of explosions that annihilates everything on the hill but leaves the hill undamaged. I then plant a flag made of infinite explosion on the hill. Anything attempting to capture the hill must remove the infinite explosion flag, which cannot be touched without blowing yourself up.

The hill now belongs to the infinite explosion empire.

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

You fail to realize this makes you a citizen of I, the one who on another forum has a TNT Avatar and who's name is still abbreviated as TNT. As you protest, I magic you back to normal, which causes you to fall an unreasonable distance from where you were initially floating. You will probably magic yourself into the resulting puddle and I will claim the hill.

MY HILL!!!