King of the Hill!

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

Except that '1/10000000ths of a Picosecond' would be a horribly bad understatement on how quick the HosPITol is. Once outside, I go all Ghostbuster on those Prankster Ghosts, except I destroy them instead of capture them in a quick and powerful chain reaction of PHANTOM-BUSTING PAIN. You're caught in the blast and shipped to HosPITol, and I go reclaim the hill.

MY HILL!!!

[Ganyu]

I get healed in less than 1/10000000ths of a Picosecond and I slap you with a bass. The slap stuns you because you think you're so awesome not to get hit at all, and while you're stunned, I created a dimension with a time-loop, throwing you in it and leaving you stuck in doing the same actions over and over and over and over again and again and again. Because it is a time loop. ;P

The hill is now mine.

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

OK, not even Chuck Norris could claim to be so awesome he couldn't get hit. Chuck Norris is first in the order of any sane universe, to put it bluntly, so if he couldn't claim that, who am I to? Of course, he was invincible anyways...

Anyways. The thing I do in the time loop? I break the dimension's time. Unfortunately, the time loop isn't able to repair time by looping, so time keeps broken with each loop. Eventually, it's so broken from my consistent breaking of time over every loop that the time loop shatters and time stops in the dimension. Dialga comes along and frees me by giving me a time bubble that keeps me moving, and the shrapnel of the dimension's time slams into your stomach, and explodes into more of you...Which fly into whatever orifices they could, no matter how small, and then explode again. You're in HosPITol, I'm on the hill.

MY HILL!!!

[Bulbasaur]

I come out of nowhere, and point out that if The Nonexistent Tazz is nonexistent, then he should not be here. This logic makes Tazz disappear.

My hill.

[Ganyu]

I pour wax onto Bulbasaur and fling a napalm bomb at him.~ The fire and splash damage is critically multiplied and with a finishing air shot + EXPLOSION!!!! Bulbasaur catapulted off the hill.~

The hill belongs to the academic now! Which is me.~ ^^

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

I take the three ~'s in Ecrivain's post, turn them into a phantom-harming whip, and whip Ecrivain off the hill with it. In the process, he runs over (and activates) a phantom-harming mine I planted. Fortunately for him, these Mines are Brink-style, meaning that so long as he keeps standing on them, he won't set them off. Unfortunately, the instant he shifts off it, BAM! So, until an allied Brink Engineer (sadly not the TF2 Engineer, no matter how awesome) finds him and lends a hand, he's stuck there.

MY HILL!!!

[Ganyu]

I jumped off the mine, using it as a launching pad, and grab a shovel from Titania's belt of debris. I land back because I purposefully altered my programming to be affected by gravity temporarily and aim my landing right on TNT with my shovel poised beneath my feet. The shovel knocks him/her/it out cold and I post him/her/it in a package to the Red Dragon. Not sure if dragon love his/her/its taste but who cares.~

MY HILL~

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

The dragon loaths my taste to the point where I'm immediately returned to the sender...With two more of me, one a clear 'she,' the other an...'it'...To go along with me, a 'he.'

YOU GET WHERE THIS IS GOING.

We, the trio of he/she/it, proceed to use some kind of ridiculous Team Combo to take you to oblivion, then merging into a single being, me. I then claim the hill.

MY HILL!!!

[Ganyu]

But postage for three large dummies costs a bomb and said bomb goes "KAAA-AAH-BOOOOMM" and flings you to Oblivion Phase Zero Plane V. I descend from Oblivion Phase Zero Plane X with an Eon-Legacy V. 2300 space-craft while you are sent to the plane. I CLAIM THIS HILL UNDER THE DECREE OF FANTOME ECRIVAIN!

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

I return from Oblivion Phase Zero Plane V with...Wait for it...An official OPZPV T-Shirt, which impresses you so much you forget what I'm doing while I'm showing off. I plant a plasma grenade in your fancy Eon-Legacy V. 2300 space-craft's engines, and the whole ship explodes in a violent burst of (Phantom-harming) energy. I, heavily charred but otherwise fine, reclaim the hill and get HosPITol Treatment while you're gone.

MY HILL!!!