Is Love A Choice?

[Corey]

I'll be going with the biological/evolutionary standpoint - no. A lot of neurochemistry goes into what we call love, and it's not something that people can actively control.

People in love show raised activity levels in certain areas of the brain that are involved in rewarding (similarly, people experiencing rejection of love show raised activities in the same area of the brain that lights up when physical pain is inflicted). These areas light up when one is in love, wins the lottery, or uses cocaine - this is due to dopamine. Likewise, lots and lots of chemicals are involved in the human experience of love, namely dopamine, as I mentioned earlier, and oxytocin. Being in love gives you a dopamine boost, which is why love is truly addicting (like cocaine, which also gives a dopamine boost). So, interacting with your betrothed is much like using cocaine - you crave it. This craving leads you to have sex with your love, and, as evolution would have it, pop out some li'l babies.

Oxytocin is probably the most related to warm 'n' fuzzy love, though. In short, it promotes bonding with children and with mates by inducing the feeling of relaxation and "rightness" when bonding occurs. Bonding between child and mother is necessary for the child's survival, while bonding between mates keeps the man around to take care of the mother and child (it should be noted that oxytocin levels are much higher in women). But oxytocin isn't just responsible for the warm feelings associated with bonding with a mate/child, but for pretty much any bonding activity.

So, no, not really our choice! But I definitely do think you can choose whether or not you act on love/show affection/etc. The feeling itself, however, is evolution's sneaky way of getting us to reproduce and have a better chance of successfully raising offspring. Some people may that explanation cold, mechanical, and primitive, but I think it's kinda beautiful, in a way.