Is Love A Choice?

[Palamon]

Is love/loving someone is a choice?

The feeling of loving someone, is it a choice?

[Corey]

I'll be going with the biological/evolutionary standpoint - no. A lot of neurochemistry goes into what we call love, and it's not something that people can actively control.

People in love show raised activity levels in certain areas of the brain that are involved in rewarding (similarly, people experiencing rejection of love show raised activities in the same area of the brain that lights up when physical pain is inflicted). These areas light up when one is in love, wins the lottery, or uses cocaine - this is due to dopamine. Likewise, lots and lots of chemicals are involved in the human experience of love, namely dopamine, as I mentioned earlier, and oxytocin. Being in love gives you a dopamine boost, which is why love is truly addicting (like cocaine, which also gives a dopamine boost). So, interacting with your betrothed is much like using cocaine - you crave it. This craving leads you to have sex with your love, and, as evolution would have it, pop out some li'l babies.

Oxytocin is probably the most related to warm 'n' fuzzy love, though. In short, it promotes bonding with children and with mates by inducing the feeling of relaxation and "rightness" when bonding occurs. Bonding between child and mother is necessary for the child's survival, while bonding between mates keeps the man around to take care of the mother and child (it should be noted that oxytocin levels are much higher in women). But oxytocin isn't just responsible for the warm feelings associated with bonding with a mate/child, but for pretty much any bonding activity.

So, no, not really our choice! But I definitely do think you can choose whether or not you act on love/show affection/etc. The feeling itself, however, is evolution's sneaky way of getting us to reproduce and have a better chance of successfully raising offspring. Some people may that explanation cold, mechanical, and primitive, but I think it's kinda beautiful, in a way.

[SassySnivy]

On a similar note, I know attraction certainly isn't a choice, either. It's been shown that attraction is caused by various aspects related to biology.

Not to derail the subject, but I do think this goes hand-in-hand with the anti-gay standpoint that being a certain sexuality is a choice. No. What you like: sexual orientation, fetishes / kinks, who / what you're attracted to, who you love are all biological in one way or another. Also note that by "biological" I mean both mental and physical, conscious and subconscious.

I mean, you really can't force yourself to love someone. You can learn to love someone / grow to love them, but you can't just magically make up your mind like that. The notion that love and attraction are solely a choice are asinine claims, at best.

Some of these things can be affected by third-party sources (social norms and media), but honestly I'm under the impression that there isn't much of that that influences attraction.

I don't really have any sources to cite because I honestly am not really trying to argue anything, just make an isolated statement along with my own personal opinion. Do your own research on the subject if you don't believe me or something.

And while anecdotal evidence isn't always reliable, I'll just share some anyway.

I sometimes find myself being attracted to people that most people would think were odd in some way. I dunno. Just, like, for some reason I have the tendency to be attracted to some kinda dorky guys. Even now, I still have a little bit of a crush on my husband's best friend. :\ I don't see that as infidelity: I love my husband and nothing will change that, I will never leave him for someone else. I can't help it if I happen to get butterflies when I see a certain person.

Corey, I don't understand how people can see that explanation as "cold, mechanical, and primal." Cx I know that some people do, but I just don't get it. A lot of the time that comes from people that use the argument, "Oh well opposite-sex marriage is natural / gayness is unnatural!" (the latter is totally false, but that's an argument for another day). Such irony.
Forcing yourself to feel a certain feeling for someone is what I see as cold and mechanical. I also see it as dictative.

[Suicune's Fire]

As far as I'm concerned, it's not a choice. I think that you can choose who to be around and who to spend time with, which may encourage you to fall in love with them, but like everyone else said, it's not a choice. xD It's biologically not a choice. Chemicals are chemicals...not decisions. x)

[Dratini]

I disagree with the other posts so far that mostly discount the aspects of love that are a choice, but I think that's because we are on different pages regarding the definition of love.

At another time, I might add more substance regarding my view, but I could start by pointing out a couple things:

1) The topic post doesn't explicitly call out romantic love, but that has thus far been inferred in this discussion.
2) If we focus in on romantic love, Speed-X made a nice contribution by separating out attraction. Compared to how I would define romantic love, the neurochemical process Corey described sounds more related to pleasure, attraction, and infatuation.

However, I'd need to take a bit more time to articulate a solid opinion of my own before posting an in-depth response.

[Suicune's Fire]

@Dratini: Interesting points. I will admit that no loves I've had (romantic or not) have been a choice. For instance, I did not choose to love Pokemon, and yet I do. In saying that though, I do believe that certain choices can be made to further your love, or to perhaps keep the chance of love alive. For instance, if I didn't love a game at first, I could make the choice to continue playing it...which leads me to loving it eventually. Or I could choose not to. As far as falling in love with it--I don't feel like that's a choice.

However, it would be different for everyone. I don't choose to love anything. I can choose to put in effort towards loving it, but I can't force myself to love something.

[Ganyu]

Love isn't a choice IMHO. But commitment is.

[Bulbasaur]

Love is a feeling. We can't help how we physically feel. It's as simple as that for me.