Grudges

[Braixen]

What is your opinion on them? Do you view them as useful tools to "learn your lesson" and be cautious of people who have wrong you in the past? Or do you think they are an unhealthy thing to carry around?


Personally I have always believe "Grudges weigh a ton and forgiveness is feather light". I think grudges only hurt the individual carrying them, and I have always felt much better when I let go of things. This isn't to say that you should forget everything that happened but I do think it's good to "come to terms with it" and move on if possible. This is easier said than done in a lot of cases, but I do think it's important.

So what are you views? Have you ever carried/do you carry a grudge? What happened?

[ray_quazaa]

I totally agree with you @Absol! Grudges are easy, but forgiveness is hard in my opinion. Being able to let go is a great life skill that's under promoted in today's society (but grudges make a much better news story than forgiveness...)

[Fiery Fastball]

Unfortunately... I tend to hold life-long grudges. Once someone has done me wrong, I am eternally pissed at them.

[Rival Max]

I carry a lot of grudges around with me. Im half tempted to hold a grudge for you creating this thread ;)
Grudges are equally as important as forgiveness..dont let the hippies tell you otherwise. Grudges are natural, anger is natural..if they werent natrual you would do them without thinking. When a person truely understands themself they will understand that anger, grudges, judgement are all things that have to exist to keep a person a live. This mechanizes saved your ansetors and they keep your mind focused on people or things that can not be trust.

[Braixen]

I carry a lot of grudges around with me. Im half tempted to hold a grudge for you creating this thread ;)
Grudges are equally as important as forgiveness..dont let the hippies tell you otherwise. Grudges are natural, anger is natural..if they werent natrual you would do them without thinking. When a person truely understands themself they will understand that anger, grudges, judgement are all things that have to exist to keep a person a live. This mechanizes saved your ansetors and they keep your mind focused on people or things that can not be trust.

Hahah d'aww, don't be mad ;_;

But in all honesty although my opinion is almost opposite of yours I can totally understand your points! I guess it's really up to the individual and how they manage their thoughts. To me grudges impact me to such a degree that it's bad for my mental health so I learned to forgive quickly (although it wasn't easy). If people carry grudges and they find they don't affect them too much, but benefit them in some way then all the power to them.

I guess at the end of the day it's just not for me.

[Rival Max]

Hahah d'aww, don't be mad ;_;

But in all honesty although my opinion is almost opposite of yours I can totally understand your points! I guess it's really up to the individual and how they manage their thoughts. To me grudges impact me to such a degree that it's bad for my mental health so I learned to forgive quickly (although it wasn't easy). If people carry grudges and they find they don't affect them too much, but benefit them in some way then all the power to them.

I guess at the end of the day it's just not for me.

Neither of us is wrong here. The problem total forgiveness is that its not possible. Everyone here can say they dont hold grudges but if someone took everything from you, or stole your dream for you...you bet a smile or kind thoughts of forgiveness would never really cure it. Also you have to think about holding grudges is a your way of keeping yourself safe. Those feelings of mistrust could have protected good people from untrustworthy people.

The system is not perfect, and holding grudges isnt always healthy, but it is completely built into and its natural.

[Maddox]

I'll throw in my two cents here, why not?

Don't be fooled by Hollywood interpretations of forgiveness, it's not about easing the offending party's conscience nor does forgiveness mean you have to forget that someone slighted you. Forgiveness simply means you let go of the anger and pain the person caused you. I agree that if someone wrongs you, especially if you give them other chances and they continue to, you should bear that in mind and learn when you can and can't trust someone. That doesn't mean you have to carry that anger and pain forever. You don't have to be angry at someone to know you can't trust them. Constantly carrying around that pain is damaging to you and only you. The offending party isn't bothered by your anger and they aren't worried about your pain. Letting go of those feelings and moving on with your life unburdened by a bunch of useless luggage left behind by someone else is healthy and freeing. Yes, anger is a natural reaction, it's an instinctual defense mechanism and useful at times. But we are also human. We aren't driven solely by instinct like animals are. We can, and should, overcome our baser instincts, especially when they get in the way of our own growth and happiness.

[Rival Max]

I dont agree with the above statement and heres why. Forgiveness is a two cent word in my eyes. It means little more than people trying to accept what may have changed them for good. People are driven by instincts, every bit of you is instincts. You make choices everyday based on those instincts.

Some of the greatest writings, paintings and music the world has ever seen has come from pain, anger and grudges. Countries have been taking over, armies destroyed, history itself is shaped by the darker feelings. To say that forgiveness needs to happen for a person to live Or even worse to say a person with those feelings cant grow is just flat out wrong. You can not limit peoples growths to a "Nice/Peaceful" set of laws. Humans are far more complex, its only because of those feelings of happiness and bitterness, rage, and joy that you are not an insane person. If you try to say one can exist without the other perhaps its time to learn about balance.

[Maddox]

I understand what you mean, but you're oversimplifying what I was saying. I'm not at all trying to claim that no one should feel negative feelings ever (although if you can achieve it, why wouldn't you want absolute peace and joy?). Anger is natural, yes, and you can learn from anger, yes. A grudge, however, isn't just anger. It is wallowing in your anger and refusing to let it go or move past it. This is stagnation, non-growth. You don't grow or learn from never moving past something that hurt you. It just continues hurting you. Forever. Forgiveness is about letting go of the anger so that it stops being a source of pain for you. That is learning and, yes, growth. You learn from the event that angered you, but you move past it to continue your life with this new knowledge rather than getting stuck in a rut of just being angry over it. You are right that there has been much in the way of art, especially, that was inspired by anger, but ask an artist and many of them will tell you that performing their art is a way of getting OVER the emotion, not a way of holding on to it. I also can't think of anything good in history that has come from holding grudges. Historically, grudges bring violence and war and, while good things can be built from the ashes, war is never good. Unavoidable? Sometimes, but never good.

Also, while we do have many instincts that guide our decisions and help protect us, we also have many qualities that are NOT instinctual. Patience, charity, forgiveness, virtues like these go against every instinct we have, yet when we control our instincts and perform actions that go against them, we build a society, rather than a horde of squabbling instincts warring with each other for survival.

[Rival Max]

No one said anything about grudges being good. I said they are part of human nature. Also what I said was history has been shaped by anger, envy and grudges. I also can't agree with you on War. Everything about your freedom was built on war. If you are in the US. Your current freedom came at the costs of war. War with Native Americans, War with the Mexico, War with France, War with England. War is great it has given us a home, I can walk down the street without fear because of the wars people fought. If you dont think War is good you might want to read about the civil war, or ww2. At no point in history did someone go, "hey you seem like a cool guy do whatever and take however much land of mine you want. I wont hold against you." We have gone off the topic though.

Grudges are to anger what dark is to the night. You can not say they are different. Nor if you lived a long life you can ever say that you dont live with any bitterness or anger everyday. Its just not true. Again I will state that saying you can't grow based on bad feelings or grudges is a misunderstanding of what true human growth is. Your argument feels more like that of a religious person who believe forgiveness is part of enlightenment than that of someone who understands that each person has conflict within them and balancing that is what makes you. No one lives with only joy, if they say that they're lying to themselves.

Finally grudges are a necessary evil because they pushed people to try harder, pushed people to do things they wouldnt have done before. That feeling that caused has been the driving force for a lot things.