★Devolution Battle Royale!★

**Noblejanobii** · 02-03-2019, 02:08 AM

Originally Posted by Neo Emolga

Will do, and now up to turn 67. You landed one hit on Turn 47 with Covet. Everything else has been one whiff after another.

Sorry folks, but we're definitely getting Sudden Death rules after this doozy. Holy effing cow, there's no way I'm doing this many again. >.<

I think if you get to 100 turns you definitely should call it just for your own sanity. If @Chakramaster is okay with that

**Neo Emolga** · 02-03-2019, 02:29 AM

Originally Posted by Noblejanobii

I think if you get to 100 turns you definitely should call it just for your own sanity. If @Chakramaster is okay with that

MASTER RNG, hopping around like a kangaroo, lassos in...

NOBLEJANOBII as Quilava and CHAKRAMASTER as Magikarp to the battlefield!
@Noblejanobii @Chakramaster

The DISCO COIN OF FUZZY SPRINKLE MUFFINS has declared CHAKRAMASTER strikes first!

(In spoilers because there's so many...)

Spoiler:

NOBLEJANOBII WINS!

...

After over an hour and a half later...

Well, you can devolve and egg Chakra or you can evolve yourself! Just no Wheels because you already got him with that.

Also, stay tuned for new sudden death rules, because there's no freakin' way I'm ever doing that many turns again! @.@

**Noblejanobii** · 02-03-2019, 02:31 AM

Ill evolve please!

But geez that was a long fight. How many rounds was that

**sammy0295** · 02-03-2019, 04:06 AM

I can't believe you've come up with like 170 different things to say when they whiff. (Not to mention doing it for every other round.)
You're doing incredible work here, Neo, and I feel bad for really only skimming it.

**Chakramaster** · 02-03-2019, 10:05 AM

Yeah some sudden death rules will need to be added in ASAP to avoid that from ever happening again. Even if it got close in the end. Just....no not again @.@

**Neo Emolga** · 02-03-2019, 01:14 PM

Originally Posted by Noblejanobii

Ill evolve please!

But geez that was a long fight. How many rounds was that

Welcome back to Typhlosion!

And yeah, it was long. Painfully long.

Originally Posted by sammy0295

I can't believe you've come up with like 170 different things to say when they whiff. (Not to mention doing it for every other round.)
You're doing incredible work here, Neo, and I feel bad for really only skimming it.

I know most of them are silly dad jokes or brain fart humor, and yeah, some of them got recycled from earlier, but normally I find it funny to add those. But after a while, it becomes painful.

But thanks for showing your appreciation!

Originally Posted by Chakramaster

Yeah some sudden death rules will need to be added in ASAP to avoid that from ever happening again. Even if it got close in the end. Just....no not again @.@

Yeah, I think it's needed, because some Pokémon just don't have very many moves at all. Having two Pokémon with only one possible move (Ditto, Unown, etc...) face each other is a battle that could go on for an insanely long time. And I would just shrivel up from that.

This battle system, as silly and as goofy as it is, actually works pretty well and most of these battles have been turning out just fine with that element of some predictability and unpredictability. But every now and then you need something to address those outlier cases, like this one. :P

**Neo Emolga** · 02-03-2019, 01:54 PM

PUBLIC NOTICE OF INSANITY
(Devolution Battle Royale Patch 1.2 Notes)

Yesterday's battle brought to life a very dreaded fear of mine. No, not Justin Bieber performing at the Super Bowl half time show, but that definitely ranks up there. I'm referring more to...

...a DBR battle that never seems to end.

87 turns and a hour and a half later, I was at the point of going berserk. Because too much of a good thing hurts. Like listening to the same great song over and over again until you hate music. And until you hate the very concept of sound. And then life. And then s'mores. No one should hate life. Or s'mores.

No, ladies and gentlemen, it shouldn't need to be like this. Life is meant to be loved. To be cherished. To enjoy silly stupid things like dressing up as a bear and scaring campers in the middle of the night. Or enjoy making musical instruments out of kitchen utensils and pretending we're a percussionist grandmaster. We need things like this. And everyone needs to do their part. To answer the call of duty when things need to be loony.

Therefore, I have decided to implement Overtime and Sudden Death rules. Like in Smash Bros. As much fun as it is to torment everyone on the field with Isabelle's fishing rod incessantly, eventually the fun has to reach a break or everyone eventually gets hangry and lonely. Ties are sleepy and uncool and never-ending matches are a bummer.

From here on in, TIME WILL BE CALLED AFTER TURN 30. Whoever has the least amount of regular damage strikes against them wins. If it's tied, it goes into OVERTIME until someone gets a regular damage strike on them.

OVERTIME goes until TURN 40. After TURN 40, if it's still tied or no one has landed any hits on each other, the <ADJECTIVE> COIN OF <MORE SILLY THINGS> will determine the winner. So far, the last battle was the only one to go over 40 turns, so this won't be happening too often. Thankfully.

Thanks for reading this update and Happy Super Bowl Sunday to you all!

@Chakramaster @ARandomTool @Scytherwolf @Voltaire Magneton @Shruikan @arnisd @Noblejanobii @sammy0295 @Bulbasaur

**Neo Emolga** · 02-05-2019, 12:21 AM

This counts for yesterday, and yesterday I got busy because I had a Super Bowl party and a friend of mine wanted to go to a furniture store. A furniture store that was CLOSED ON SUDNAY AND HE DIDN'T BOTHER TO CHECK FIRST. I entered Feral Emolga mode.

MASTER RNG, bopping his head around, pulls in...

NEO EMOLGA as Dunsparce and BULBASAUR as Delcatty to the battlefield!
@Bulbasaur

The MAYHEM COIN OF SATURDAY NIGHT DISCO HAMSTERS has declared NEO EMOLGA strikes first!

TURN 1
NEO EMOLGA kicks things off with Power Swap! He plugs his lamp into a different outlet!
BULBASAUR starts up with Bite! He noms on a chocolate chip cookie!

TURN 2
NEO EMOLGA tries Dark Void! But he doesn't like the idea of opening a Calculus book either.
BULBASAUR attacks with Fleur Cannon! But he's still waiting for them to grow!

TURN 3
NEO EMOLGA unleashes Psychic! And then he woke up from his nap!
BULBASAUR tries Swallow! Yes, that Coca Cola was refreshing!

TURN 4
NEO EMOLGA attacks with Flamethrower! It results in the 1st regular damage strike against BULBASAUR!
BULBSAUR uses Mirror Move! He turns his bathroom mirror a little more to the right.

TURN 5
NEO EMOLGA attempts Dragon Breath! But he prefers minty fresh breath instead.
BULBASAUR unleashes Confusion! But he doesn't quite understand how it works.

TURN 6
NEO EMOLGA strikes with Drill Run! It results in the 2nd regular damage strike against BULBASAUR!
BUBLASAUR tries Volt Tackle! But he's afraid of his fur sticking up.

TURN 7
NEO EMOLGA uses Brine! But he hasn't been to the beach for a while!
BULBASAUR attacks with Shadow Punch! He gives the shade a good whapping!

TURN 8
NEO EMOLGA unleashes Rain Dance! It results in the 3rd and final regular damage strike against BULBASAUR!

NEO EMOLGA WINS!

Darn you, Mr Tool, once again for giving me a Pokémon that refuses to self-terminate. D:

Bulbasaur, I'm Wheeling you because I feel like it. Because the Patriots won, it's Monday, I had to go to the dentist (and go back next week because of a darn cavity), I have a cold and a sore throat, and I need to blow off some steam. Enjoy. Rawr. Meow.

**Neo Emolga** · 02-05-2019, 12:35 AM

Welcome to my special hell. >:3

NEO EMOLGA RANDOMIZER WHEELS
Wheel #1 of Pokémon
Pokémon #1: Mega Slowbro(Stage 3 of 3)
Pokémon #2: Lilligant (Stage 2 of 2)
Pokémon #3: Weepinbell (Stage 2 of 3)
Pokémon #4: Grubbin (Stage 1 of 3)
Pokémon #5: Foongus (Stage 1 of 2)
Pokémon #6: Luvdisc (Stage 1 of 1)

Wheel #2 of Themes:
Theme #1: Landfill Fun!
Theme #2: Why Photoshop's "Dissolve" is awful
Theme #3: MaX sAtUrAtIoN!
Theme #4: Celebrating the wrong holiday!
Theme #5: Trying to draw with my non-dominant hand!

Wheel #3 of Usertitles:
Usertitle #1: This is the face of failure
Usertitle #2: Maybe it's Maybelline
Usertitle #3: Booger Disaster!
Usertitle #4: Ye Royal Butt Harvest
Usertitle #5: Fabulous Explosive Flatulence

There, the payback for devolving me into Gloom that other time is complete! Have fun!

**Neo Emolga** · 02-05-2019, 01:34 AM

Yippie-yay for anarchy!

MASTER RNG, skipping in a scuba suit, pulls in...

ARANDOMTOOL as Delcatty and SAMMY0295 as Gardevoir to the battlefield!
@ARandomTool @sammy0295

The SQUEAKY COIN OF THE LEGENDARY PLUMBER PUFFINS has declared ARANDOMTOOL strikes first!

TURN 1
ARANDOMTOOL starts up with Lunge! But he does a really nice and epic face-plant instead!
SAMMY0295 begins with Pound! She adopts a new kitty and names her Cookie!

TURN 2
ARANDOMTOOL attempts Brutal Swing! He really doesn't think a playground swing with barbed wire and razorblades should exist...
SAMMY0295 uses Mach Punch! She attaches a rocket booster to the juice bowl and sends it flying!

TURN 3
ARANDOMTOOL strikes with Stored Power! Except he forgot where he left the key again!
SAMMY0295 attacks with Super Fang! Except waking up Dracula with an adrenaline shot seems risky.

TURN 4
ARANDOMTOOL unleashes Clear Smog! But he needed something more than just a desk fan.
SAMMY0295 utilizes Mud Shot! She whips out an AR-15 and gives that puddle a good shootin'!

TURN 5
ARANDOMTOOL tries Relic Song! Except he's still hungover from the Super Bowl party.
SAMMY0295 unleashes Shell Smash! She squashes a whole gas station while everyone at the nearby Exxon flees in panic!

TURN 6
ARANDOMTOOL attempts Miracle Eye! Except it's a fake and of course he threw out the receipt.
SAMMY0295 attacks with Sand Attack! She takes a big sledgehammer and goes berserk on a playground sandbox!

TURN 7
ARANDOMTOOL uses Multi-Attack! But he can't use four controllers at once!
SAMMY0295 strikes with Dark Pulse! She reaches into the shadows but can't feel a heartbeat!

TURN 8
ARANDOMTOOL attacks with Leech Seed! But they only grow into tomatoes!
SAMMY0295 uses Wish! It results in the 1st regular damage strike on ARANDOMTOOL!

TURN 9
ARANDOMTOOL utilizes Metal Sound! He bangs two metal spoons together to annoy everyone!
SAMMY0295 unleashes Metal Claw! She uses a leaf rake on a chalkboard to annoy everyone!

TURN 10
ARANDOMTOOL uses High Jump Kick! And he gets disqualified from the Olympics!
SAMMY0295 tries Poison Tail! She stuffs a Tide Pod into a lobster tail!

TURN 11
ARANDOMTOOL strikes with Hone Claws! He clips his nails nicely!
SAMMY0295 attacks with Rock Polish! She gives a nearby boulder a nice waxing!

TURN 12
ARANDOMTOOL tries Perish Song! But he gets nervous on karaoke night!
SAMMY0295 utilizes Steam Eruption! But it comes out as a really explosive fart instead!

TURN 13
ARANDOMTOOL unleashes Roar! But he just meows really loudly.
SAMMY0295 uses Weather Ball! It's a question mark balloon!

TURN 14
ARANDOMTOOL attempts Guard Split! He chops a shield in half!
SAMMY0295 strikes with Night Slash! She waits until it's 8pm and then tears a clock apart!

TURN 15
ARANDOMTOOL uses Brine! Except he's way inland!
SAMMY0295 tries Astonish! But she's surprised she forgot how it works!

TURN 16
ARANDOMTOOL utilizes Nightmare! But he dreams of candy and unicorns instead!
SAMMY0295 unleashes Astonish! She's still surprised at her forgetfulness!

TURN 17
ARANDOMTOOL tries Ominous Wind! But he just whistles in a strange way.
SAMMY0295 attacks with Grass Knot! It results in the 2nd regular damage strike on ARANDOMTOOL!

TURN 18
ARANDOMTOOL attacks with Sacred Fire! But spraying holy water all over his candles only puts them out!
SAMMY0295 strikes with Poison Fang! But Dracula's fangs seem to be cherry flavored today.

TURN 19
ARANDOMTOOL attempts Shadow Claw! He makes a macabre claw-shaped shadow puppet!
SAMMY0295 uses Simple Beam! But it's too complex for her to figure out!

TURN 20
ARANDOMTOOL unleashes Bulldoze! But his bulldozer is out of gas!
SAMMY0295 unleashes Thousand Arrows! At least everyone now knows what she's looking at!

TURN 21
ARANDOMTOOL attacks with Covet! It results in the 1st regular damage strike on SAMMY0295!
SAMMY0295 tries Liquidation! She sells her shares of stock for cash!

TURN 22
ARANDOMTOOL attempts Dragon Tail! But the local Flygon wouldn't let him borrow his.
SAMMY0295 attacks with Clanging Scales! But hers just display her weight.

TURN 23
ARANDOMTOOL strikes with Double Team! It results in the 2nd regular damage strike on SAMMY0295!
SAMMY0295 uses Fire Fang! But she can't convince Dracula to bite into a Carolina Reaper pepper first.

TURN 24
ARANDOMTOOL unleashes String Shot! He shoots a ball of yarn with an AK-47!
SAMMY0295 strikes with Stored Power! It results in the 3rd regular damage strike on ARANDOMTOOL!

SAMMY0295 WINS!

Muha ha ha, that was a fine, delicious battle! Well done!

Well, you can devolve Mr Tool, Wheel him silly, or evolve yourself back to Mega Gardevoir! Take your pick!