The Last Poster Wins! [v21]

[Chakramaster]

As much as I would like to be like this, mentally I just... can't. I've had too my ambitions shattered too many times to have any confidence in my pursuits whatsoever. Heck I was beginning to wonder if I was as good as political science as I thought I was until I won an award for it a few weeks back. I've left singing, piano, coding, art, film production, and so many other things behind because of this mentality that I can't let go of. The only reason I haven't dropped writing is because it is the only thing I have left.

I don't mind constructive criticism. I used to but not so much anymore. But I take every comment to heart nowadays, simply because even now the insults are beaten into me to the point where I'm in tears and want to just disappear. It's been that way for a long time and it's probably never going to change. My default opinion of myself is that I'm a disappointment as a result of this, thus, I must look to others to prove myself wrong. And when I get zero response? It makes me think that no one disagrees. And when I get a negative response? It makes me feel even worse.

You make it sound so easy to brush off the haters but it's not when your biggest hater lived in the same house as you for eighteen years. It's not easy when just the thought of getting a test back makes you feel nauseous and sick. It's not easy when you have to hide everything you draw or write out of sheer fear that it'll be labeled as a waste of time. It's not easy when you fear the affection of others are merely a knife disguised an olive branch because for nearly two decades most of the time it was. I have to latch onto other people's opinions because I am desperate for someone to prove to me that I am worth something. Because for nineteen years now I've been constantly reminded over and over and over and over that I'm not worth more than the dirt that my grandfather is buried under.

That's rough, Noble...but that's just something you can't expect to live with. Expecting so much only puts that much more pressure on you. Living through it for years is what makes it even harder on you, yes. That's just the thing about it. It'll only create more pain, stress, and heartache.

It's not easy at all to just brush off. No matter what you think, Noble. We are ALL worth something. Though we may feel at times like we're lost, alone, and like nothing. We all have something out there for us. It's all a matter of finding out what that is. Trust me, haters exist EVERYWHERE in this world. And there's nothing we can do about it. We can fight it, but another many take the place of a few. Sad part is, it continues into the next generations too. It falls to the people of this world to raise children right, siblings, friends and family. Cause less hurt and being more support. It'll help everyone and cause less pain and emotions for everyone.

Just cause someone tells you over and over that you can't doesn't mean you can't. YOU are the one to decide that. Not them. YOU have the right to decide in the end. You have to fight and fight hard in this world. We can't all be handed something sadly. Some are luckier there than others. If you have to create something and expect the most out of it to get a gain. It'll help, but for how long? It can't be forever and it won't last forevwe. In fact expecting it then expecting it over and over to have it suddenly cease will only hurt more in the end. I'm sorry, but it's just how things are. It'll only cause more pain to expect everything

You like creating stories and have started drawing. Make it part of that passion that drives you. Create it because you want to. Like Neo said, if you do it just to get appraise it'll never last and be yours truly. If it continues to worry you. Create daily stories, daily blogs, just as you create art when you feel like it. Do it because YOU want to and not for a gain. If it's your passion. LIVE it, don't expect the most. It will only last so long. It'll bring you higher and higher only to drop you down from that high up. The further you climb it feels great, but the fall back down will only be that much harder and hurtful when you hit the bottom.

[Neo Emolga]

As much as I would like to be like this, mentally I just... can't. I've had too my ambitions shattered too many times to have any confidence in my pursuits whatsoever. Heck I was beginning to wonder if I was as good as political science as I thought I was until I won an award for it a few weeks back. I've left singing, piano, coding, art, film production, and so many other things behind because of this mentality that I can't let go of. The only reason I haven't dropped writing is because it is the only thing I have left.

I don't mind constructive criticism. I used to but not so much anymore. But I take every comment to heart nowadays, simply because even now the insults are beaten into me to the point where I'm in tears and want to just disappear. It's been that way for a long time and it's probably never going to change. My default opinion of myself is that I'm a disappointment as a result of this, thus, I must look to others to prove myself wrong. And when I get zero response? It makes me think that no one disagrees. And when I get a negative response? It makes me feel even worse.

You make it sound so easy to brush off the haters but it's not when your biggest hater lived in the same house as you for eighteen years. It's not easy when just the thought of getting a test back makes you feel nauseous and sick. It's not easy when you have to hide everything you draw or write out of sheer fear that it'll be labeled as a waste of time. It's not easy when you fear the affection of others are merely a knife disguised an olive branch because for nearly two decades most of the time it was. I have to latch onto other people's opinions because I am desperate for someone to prove to me that I am worth something. Because for nineteen years now I've been constantly reminded over and over and over and over that I'm not worth more than the dirt that my grandfather is buried under.

Ehh, okay, take a step back and ask yourself what you really enjoy doing. Who cares if you're good at it right now? No matter what, if you enjoy doing it and you practice more and more at it, you'll get better at it anyway. But if you don't honestly enjoy doing it and only do it because you think that's what everyone else wants, it's just going to be hell. I make jokes about how bad I am at anything music-related and how I couldn't play an instrument to save my life. It's true, but if I really wanted to get better and put in the time and practice, I could. The potential, with enough time and practice, is there. Thing is, music just isn't my passion. And yet for some people, it's everything.

You know what? I used to royally suck at Photoshop. My first banner? I screencaptured Matrix code and put text on it. Done. That was it. What drove me to get better and make real banners? I liked seeing the kinds of banners other people had and I wanted a really good one too (at the time, I didn't think to ask someone else for one which was probably for the best). So I drove my butt to get better and more and more, I made banners I was personally satisfied with and kept building upon them. Were they insulted along the way? Of course they were. By graphic art snobs who I figured had their own way of doing things and anything everyone else did was wrong. And that's fine and I didn't bother trying to help them get their head out of their ass, because I knew hey, if I was happy with them, cool, but if I personally saw a better way of doing things, I went for it and learned. And all the while, I kept an open ear for solid advice from people that were trying to be helpful and looked for tutorials to try new things that seemed to have good results. When it comes to comments, you can usually tell because the people that are helpful go into detail and provide links to helpful resources while the haters usually leave a message that has less clarity than what a baboon would write with a pencil rammed up their nose.

It honestly sounds like what you're dealing with is depression, not anything related to skill. And it sounds like that's stress-induced. I know, you've been through a lot lately, but that has no bearing on your skills. And it definitely doesn't mean a lack of reviews or comments means the work is bad. Trust me, I have plenty of DeviantArt uploads that don't have a single comment. I don't take that the wrong way and neither should you. People get busy, things get lost in the mix. Just keep at it regardless. You also have to remember that like what Chakra said, PXR is a smaller community, which means you'll have a closer community of members, but there's fewer of us around. Fewer people means less commentary. Don't take it the wrong way.

But yeah, like Chakra said, don't do it for praise. Eventually the well will dry up. And don't berate yourself just because no one left a comment or they left bad comments. You think I quit making Photoshop stuff just because a few morons bashed my stuff? Nah. No matter where you go, you'll run into unhelpful jerks that thrive on just ruining someone's day. I get bashed all the time in Overwatch. My response? "Who are you and why should I care?" I get such amusing answers to that. Chakra can attest to them. XD

Remember, the more and more you listen to nasty people and do what they say, the more you become like them. That's why it's better to shut them out immediately. Listen to the advice of people you admire, NOT the people you despise.

[Pokemon Trainer Sarah]

For anyone wondering, I contacted Ray about the lag this morning. Haven't heard back yet so he's probably busy. Hopefully it'll be all fixed up soon!

[Neo Emolga]

For anyone wondering, I contacted Ray about the lag this morning. Haven't heard back yet so he's probably busy. Hopefully it'll be all fixed up soon!

Cool, thanks for letting him know. It's not quite as bad as what was going on last week, but it is still a bit sluggish here and there.

[Noblejanobii]

That's rough, Noble...but that's just something you can't expect to live with. Expecting so much only puts that much more pressure on you. Living through it for years is what makes it even harder on you, yes. That's just the thing about it. It'll only create more pain, stress, and heartache.

It's not easy at all to just brush off. No matter what you think, Noble. We are ALL worth something. Though we may feel at times like we're lost, alone, and like nothing. We all have something out there for us. It's all a matter of finding out what that is. Trust me, haters exist EVERYWHERE in this world. And there's nothing we can do about it. We can fight it, but another many take the place of a few. Sad part is, it continues into the next generations too. It falls to the people of this world to raise children right, siblings, friends and family. Cause less hurt and being more support. It'll help everyone and cause less pain and emotions for everyone.

Just cause someone tells you over and over that you can't doesn't mean you can't. YOU are the one to decide that. Not them. YOU have the right to decide in the end. You have to fight and fight hard in this world. We can't all be handed something sadly. Some are luckier there than others. If you have to create something and expect the most out of it to get a gain. It'll help, but for how long? It can't be forever and it won't last forevwe. In fact expecting it then expecting it over and over to have it suddenly cease will only hurt more in the end. I'm sorry, but it's just how things are. It'll only cause more pain to expect everything

You like creating stories and have started drawing. Make it part of that passion that drives you. Create it because you want to. Like Neo said, if you do it just to get appraise it'll never last and be yours truly. If it continues to worry you. Create daily stories, daily blogs, just as you create art when you feel like it. Do it because YOU want to and not for a gain. If it's your passion. LIVE it, don't expect the most. It will only last so long. It'll bring you higher and higher only to drop you down from that high up. The further you climb it feels great, but the fall back down will only be that much harder and hurtful when you hit the bottom.

I'm well aware of the effects of such a mentality but I'm not the one putting it on myself. I mean… I might be now but I didn't start this and if I could stop it I probably would.

Yes I know. I've heard the speech before. Though I sometimes wonder if parents realize how much pain they cause their kids sometimes. Who knows.

You think I don't know that? You think I'm not already aware that I can't just expect everything to be handed to me? I learned that hard lesson in middle school when I realized that not a single person had a shred of respect for me because I was too nice and expected that to be enough to get friends in return. Even something as simple as friendship has to be worked for in this hell of a world, so trust me I'm well aware of what hole I'm digging for myself. I don't expect it, I don't expect anything. You know why? Because I know that I'm not worth anything. If I was, I'd never have been stabbed in the back two different times by two entirely different groups of people and come out of high school wondering where everything went wrong. If I was, I wouldn't be contemplating if anyone would really care if I just stopped writing and making art one day. If I was, then I would be happy to see my parents like every other person my age, rather than sick with fear. It's why when I don't receive comments on my work, I'm not surprised, and automatically assume that no one likes it. Why wouldn't I when I'm worthless and therefore so is everything I produce?

There you go making it sound easy again. It's not that simple. It never has been and it never will be. Trust me, if it was that easy to remove myself from this mentality and live freely, I'd have done it now.

Ehh, okay, take a step back and ask yourself what you really enjoy doing. Who cares if you're good at it right now? No matter what, if you enjoy doing it and you practice more and more at it, you'll get better at it anyway. But if you don't honestly enjoy doing it and only do it because you think that's what everyone else wants, it's just going to be hell. I make jokes about how bad I am at anything music-related and how I couldn't play an instrument to save my life. It's true, but if I really wanted to get better and put in the time and practice, I could. The potential, with enough time and practice, is there. Thing is, music just isn't my passion. And yet for some people, it's everything.

You know what? I used to royally suck at Photoshop. My first banner? I screencaptured Matrix code and put text on it. Done. That was it. What drove me to get better and make real banners? I liked seeing the kinds of banners other people had and I wanted a really good one too (at the time, I didn't think to ask someone else for one which was probably for the best). So I drove my butt to get better and more and more, I made banners I was personally satisfied with and kept building upon them. Were they insulted along the way? Of course they were. By graphic art snobs who I figured had their own way of doing things and anything everyone else did was wrong. And that's fine and I didn't bother trying to help them get their head out of their ass, because I knew hey, if I was happy with them, cool, but if I personally saw a better way of doing things, I went for it and learned. And all the while, I kept an open ear for solid advice from people that were trying to be helpful and looked for tutorials to try new things that seemed to have good results. When it comes to comments, you can usually tell because the people that are helpful go into detail and provide links to helpful resources while the haters usually leave a message that has less clarity than what a baboon would write with a pencil rammed up their nose.

It honestly sounds like what you're dealing with is depression, not anything related to skill. And it sounds like that's stress-induced. I know, you've been through a lot lately, but that has no bearing on your skills. And it definitely doesn't mean a lack of reviews or comments means the work is bad. Trust me, I have plenty of DeviantArt uploads that don't have a single comment. I don't take that the wrong way and neither should you. People get busy, things get lost in the mix. Just keep at it regardless. You also have to remember that like what Chakra said, PXR is a smaller community, which means you'll have a closer community of members, but there's fewer of us around. Fewer people means less commentary. Don't take it the wrong way.

But yeah, like Chakra said, don't do it for praise. Eventually the well will dry up. And don't berate yourself just because no one left a comment or they left bad comments. You think I quit making Photoshop stuff just because a few morons bashed my stuff? Nah. No matter where you go, you'll run into unhelpful jerks that thrive on just ruining someone's day. I get bashed all the time in Overwatch. My response? "Who are you and why should I care?" I get such amusing answers to that. Chakra can attest to them. XD

Remember, the more and more you listen to nasty people and do what they say, the more you become like them. That's why it's better to shut them out immediately. Listen to the advice of people you admire, NOT the people you despise.

That's the thing, I do have people in my life that do care. If I shown an inkling of interest in something I either have to be the best at it right away or I'm not good enough ever. And then if I lose interest? Doesn't matter, gotta keep doing it because now I'm pretty skilled and it'd be a waste of time in money. This is the exact reason why I hated playing basketball for years.

Great. I'm glad that setup worked for you. I've already explained why it won't work for me. And recently had this reinforced when I was trying to explain this to someone else and upon saying that I generally take tips well they responded "No offense, but the last time I tried to give a tip, I got attacked for it." Because rather than sympathizing with me they thought it better to label me a basket case. This is also coming from an artist that up until a little while ago I held in high regard when it came to advise.

You're just noticing? Man and here I thought it had been pretty obvious. Doesn't change a thing. If people don't like it, they won't comment, or if they do, it's hateful. Thus, when you have upwards of twenty views on something with no comments, it means twenty people didn't like my stuff enough to leave a comment. That's just how it is.

Like I said to Chakra, you make it sound so simple. Keep in mind I'm over fifteen years younger than you and was raised in a completely different environment. Let me put it this way, the reason I like Mimikyu so much is because I relate to it on an emotional level. It is me if I were a Pokémon. Hidden and ashamed.

Well I can't really do that if all the people I admire start to turn against me.

[Pokemon Trainer Sarah]

@Noblejanobii
I often click things and don't comment. It doesn't mean I dislike it, I'm just probably on my phone where I don't like typing xD But anyway it can be very hard to overcome something like that if you have grown up with it. I hope you know we all love and support you though! I've never heard anyone say a bad word about you or any of your work. :)

[Noblejanobii]

@Noblejanobii
I often click things and don't comment. It doesn't mean I dislike it, I'm just probably on my phone where I don't like typing xD But anyway it can be very hard to overcome something like that if you have grown up with it. I hope you know we all love and support you though! I've never heard anyone say a bad word about you or any of your work. :)

Yeah I realize that. It's just the pessimist in me talking. I'm glad you understand why I'm not going to move past this easily. I really appreciate all the support on PXR but trust me in the past I've had some awful comments on my work.

[Neo Emolga]

That's the thing, I do have people in my life that do care. If I shown an inkling of interest in something I either have to be the best at it right away or I'm not good enough ever. And then if I lose interest? Doesn't matter, gotta keep doing it because now I'm pretty skilled and it'd be a waste of time in money. This is the exact reason why I hated playing basketball for years.

Great. I'm glad that setup worked for you. I've already explained why it won't work for me. And recently had this reinforced when I was trying to explain this to someone else and upon saying that I generally take tips well they responded "No offense, but the last time I tried to give a tip, I got attacked for it." Because rather than sympathizing with me they thought it better to label me a basket case. This is also coming from an artist that up until a little while ago I held in high regard when it came to advise.

You're just noticing? Man and here I thought it had been pretty obvious. Doesn't change a thing. If people don't like it, they won't comment, or if they do, it's hateful. Thus, when you have upwards of twenty views on something with no comments, it means twenty people didn't like my stuff enough to leave a comment. That's just how it is.

Like I said to Chakra, you make it sound so simple. Keep in mind I'm over fifteen years younger than you and was raised in a completely different environment. Let me put it this way, the reason I like Mimikyu so much is because I relate to it on an emotional level. It is me if I were a Pokémon. Hidden and ashamed.

Well I can't really do that if all the people I admire start to turn against me.

Eh, I don't know what to tell you then. I'm just saying these things worked for me, so I thought maybe there's a chance they'd work for you. But if you're sure they wouldn't, then I guess I'd just have to leave it alone since I'm not really sure how to approach this now. You're right in a way, I'm not certain how things are from your perspective.

But please keep in mind that Chakra and I were only trying to help and encourage you. We meant no harm in it.

[Noblejanobii]

Eh, I don't know what to tell you then. I'm just saying these things worked for me, so I thought maybe there's a chance they'd work for you. But if you're sure they wouldn't, then I guess I'd just have to leave it alone since I'm not really sure how to approach this now. You're right in a way, I'm not certain how things are from your perspective.

But please keep in mind that Chakra and I were only trying to help and encourage you. We meant no harm in it.

Yes I know you're trying to help, and I appreciate the intent, but those things just don't work for me.

[Chakramaster]

Yes I know you're trying to help, and I appreciate the intent, but those things just don't work for me.

That's what friends are for. You even have us to help if you need it, so you really can if you try and fail. You can't expect to try and it immediately brush something off. It takes time for that and it'll be hard, yeah. Maybe it doesn't work on you, but nothing ever works out perfectly anyway. Everything takes time