The Squawkers RPG - The Main Action and Team Status Thread of Candy Madness! [NOW LIVE AND INSANE!]

[Neo Emolga]

Going to work out for both my actions. Cuteness is too high!

ACTION #1 & #2 (witness my laziness efficiency!)

You align your spirit with the zen of transcendental meditation and some other funky voodoo. You surge with divinity energiez of dreamz and suddenly you bolt around like a crazy comet and workout like crazy with time to write, edit, and publish a best-seller novel. And then you align the cosmos so everyone gets a free root beer fountain in their backyard as well as better starting Scrabble hands where finally there's more space on the board to work with to prevent tile claustrophobia.

Carly has somehow dropped 2 points of Belly and 4 points of Overwhelming Cuteness doing this how I can't even but at the end of the day everyone's okay with it so it's cool and well yeah.

You feel great and extra spunky! Wooo-hooo!

Carly the Courageous Growlithe (M: Fire)

Classy: Slappy Happy Classy
Style: Trigger Happy (2 DMG, 100% CoH)
Goodies #1: <Empty>
Goodies #2: <Empty>
Belly: 0/10
Overwhelming Cuteness: 4.5/10
Groovy Abilities: Reincarnate | Perky Stuff!: Memes

[Neo Emolga]

Now this I can work with!

I'll use my first action to do a Fitness Workout and clear out some of this annoying cuteness. After that, I'll see what's going on with (3c) Batchyflaff Inflatable Industries Floors 9-12.

ACTION #1

You have a genuine nutty and you build a roller-coaster with your nose. You then ride said roller-coaster, but you use a special cart that requires you to bicycle pedal and sing music. But said music can only be from one of Iron Maiden's albums.

You then break Christmas ornaments. With a hammer. And after dancing and head-banging, you feel relieved.

Cipher has smashed-in 2 points of Overwhelming Cuteness from the awkward exercise regimen!

You bow and get many roses from the audience! Just kidding, that's all me throwing those.

---

ACTION #2

You groove to the music and head over to Batchyflaff, where... oh dear. The entire factory has been turned into key lime goo!

@Extra Creamy Key Lime PIE! - GRASS (+3 Belly, +1 Overwhelming Cuteness)@
Cipher has slapped on 1.5 points of Belly and 0 points of Overwhelming Cuteness! Reduced damage because that leafy greenie stuff ain't got nothing on you, fiery foxy and because you're armed with that nifty spiffy Vexing Amulet!

Bleh, you fall for the temptation, but quickly get over it when you realize what it really is and in your infinite distain, you just back away from it. Turns out, key lime pie just ain't your thing. You learned something new today!

You then head to the ninth floor where all the offices and boring administrative places are. Or where they used to be. Desks of pie. Bookshelves of pie. Pie furniture. Yawn. Really, all the cool stuff in on the actual factory floor below where they do all the cool testing and such! Or at least where they used to do it.

You do find something interesting here. Ohh, a sparkler! No, just kidding, you wouldn't find that here. That's like finding a $20 bill in your burger. Kind of a good surprise you weren't expecting, but you'd like it in another format. Like cool rock music, but you're taking a crap on the toilet and it just doesn't feel like the right time. That bass just doesn't go well with that... well, you know.

On the eleventh floor, ooh, you find something nifty that isn't pie! You find a very pink and very hyperactive cutesy box that kind of grates your nerves a bit. Thankfully, it doesn't shoot nonsense like what the Squawker stuff does. But it really should suffer in some way.

{Surprise Birthday Gift Box!: <Death Metal>}

Some hardcore screamo music might help, but that's not your specialty. It's like wanting Trix but not being a kid. Ha ha, no really, if you're an adult, go ahead and have that crap. It's like being great at gymnastics but then being expected to do swimming events.

You just decide to head out of there before more weird thoughts flock around in your head.

Cipher the Ninetales (M: Fire)

Classy: Humiliation Commando
Style: Desperado Cowboy/Cowgirl (4 DMG, 75% CoH)
Goodies #1: %Vexing Amulet (-2 Overwhelming Cuteness for each instance of affliction)%
Goodies #2: %Prismatic Guard (+4 Max Belly)%
Belly: 1.5/14 (10+4)
Overwhelming Cuteness: 4/10
Groovy Abilities: Stealth Mode | Perky Stuff!: Browser History Hacking

[arnisd]

I'll go full ninja on 10 Chippy the Audino and go wander in the (16) Tippy-Toes Park, the east side

[Neo Emolga]

With this extra special rush I'm gonna search

(20) Bave and Duster's - (20b) Arcade (CANDY)

and

(29) Tal-Mart - (29a) Clothing and stuff

ACTION #1!

You flex and then head over to BAVE AND DUSTER'S. You head-bang a little, moonwalk, and then do the twist. You then break out in musical number with fifty other random Pokémon and then go back to what you were supposed to be doing in the first place.

You get there and then uh oh...

@Sherbet Deluge and A Complete Mess - ICE (+2 Belly)@
Soren has gained 1 point of Belly! Reduced damage because of your mastery of techno music and your status as a earth-bender nah just kidding it's just because frosties have nothing on your steely nature of madness!

You go plucking around and try to see what you can find, but wow, just about every last $3000+ arcade game have been turned into significantly not-worth-as-much sherbet. You don't even like the taste of it. Wow. How poopy is that!?

You do find one game that seems to be operational. Ooh, a crane game! With crazy prizes on the bottom! And how funky, it's still operational! If by operational, you mean the crane still goes up and down, but can't latch onto anything for the life of it. It's enough to make any Pokémon go mad! This level of torment is evil! EVIL!

What's also concerning is when you take a closer look and you see something in this crane game that CLEARLY doesn't belong in there. It's a medallion of gold! Why, how did... and then you realize even something made of gold can't get pulled out of this terrible, evil machine. I mean of course that Pikachu plush is really darn cute and gives you nostalgia, but... GOLD!

So you decide to cheat. CHEAT!

{Crane Game of Torment and Pain: +Psychic Type+}

Using your nifty psychic powers, you HAX OUT the game and use your creative kinesis to lift the medallion up, drop it into the prize chute, and you collect your winnings! I mean you realize you can do that with ALL the prizes, but you really don't have a need for two-hundred little plush dolls.

[Golden Medallion: Destiny Ritual] has been added to the Team Pile!

You then decide you feel nifty to do some more! MOAR!

---

ACTION #2!

You crank up your action Jackson and head over to Tal-Mart to do some clothing shopping! Or you're just browsing. It's okay, you can go with just your underwear! Everyone else does! Some even have less! Woo-hoo, hoodwinked!

You get there and you cruise down the aisles with your roller blades and your punk gear and wait- where did you get all that from? Oh that's right, I gave it to you! You check the store shelves and most of it is junky chunky stuff, but you do find a few comical gems that might be worth considering!

TAL-MART CLOTHING AND STUFF!
$%"Tew Kewl Fer Skool" Idiotic T-Shirt (+1 MAX Overwhelming Cuteness)% 100 Snax$
$%Clearance Sale XXXL Shirt (+1 MAX Belly)% 100 Snax$
$%Patsy Pants% 150 Snax%
$%"This is my garage band of two" Yoga Pants$ 200 Snax%
$%Four-finger Death Paw T-Shirt% (+1 DMG)% 100 Snax$

Well, ain't that a damn fine coincidence!

You decide you've had enough for the day so you head on home to go pester Cipher a little more. Maybe if you grab his tails enough times, he'll run out of ideas for curses and explode because of that! What could possibly go wrong!?

Soren the Valiant Jirachi (S: Steel/Psychic)

Classy: Humiliation Commando
Style: Desperado Cowboy (4 DMG, 75% CoH)
Goodies #1: %Staryu Hair Clip%
Goodies #2: <Empty>
Belly: 1/8
Overwhelming Cuteness: 0/12
Groovy Abilities: Reincarnate | Perky Stuff!: Hollywood Movie Shenanigans

[Neo Emolga]

Let's make some new leads. Erm, new friends.

Interview 65 Kneezor the Simisage and 51 Baconz the Grumpig.

ACTION #1!

Interview Rapport: NEUTRAL, INTIMIDATING
+Intimidation (Flying vs Grass)

You skip off to see Kneezor the Simisage, and you find out from magical word of mouth that he's the owner of the Hangry Fans Hotel, which thankfully is still inedible. Still, it surprises you how a cranky guy like Kneezor is the owner of this place. He doesn't even like sports! And he's too old to play them!

"What!?" he barks as you come in to the office. "If you're looking to mug me, I have nothing in the register, so ha ha ha, screw you!"

You smile and assure him you mean no harm, though you do fantasize yourself ramming a brick in his mouth for him to chew on. Mmm, extra crunchy! You also ask about the Squawkers.

"Fine!" he complains. "Just don't touch me. Especially with your teeth! Nothing likes being eaten, you know!"

"I think at least one of the Squawkers has been here," Kneezor tells you. "Just the other night, I saw the remains of a Swellow after exploding into glitter. What the hell is that!? Some bozo said it happened on the 4th floor. Maybe the third. Whatever, something of that sort. Housekeeping doesn't want to do their bloody job there now and that means no one is going to check into those rooms to find out what did that! What do I pay these people for, excuses!? No. And I need new landscaping as well, because these degenerate clowns are dumber than fifty-two forks rammed into a cutting board. There are HOLES outside on my property! Dumb, stupid clods. The lot of them."

He then looks away and grumbles some more. Sheesh. It's like someone you replaced his Cocoa Puffs with rabbit poops!

---

ACTION #2!

Interview Rapport: POSITIVE
+1 Shared Pokémon Type (Psychic)

You find Baconz works as a cashier at Dootlocker at the mall. She seems sneaky, like she's been ringing up items twice and naughty things like that. Up to no good, really.

"Hey there," Baconz smiles to you. "What chu buyin'?"

You actually tell her you're here about the Squawkers, and she nods.

"I've had to look for a hotel to live in," Baconz tells you with some irk. "Those losers totally messed up my apartment! My computer, my phone, my tablet, everything! Gawd, I don't even like taffy! But I think someone's trapped on the fifth or sixth floor. I used to live up there and I heard shouting, but hey, I figure they probably got out by now, right? Well, I haven't gone back to check. I have a feeling we'd just both get stuck if I went back to help them! You know how it is."

"Well, in other news, Teepsy doesn't think this is a problem even though he lost all his stuff too," Baconz tells you. "Guess he only had junk, though isn't that still on the sucky side of life? I'd think so."

"Anyway, you totally should play basketball and wear our shoes," Baconz says to you. "Get out there and play! Exercise is good for your health!"

You swear you've heard that one before. In any case, you nod and decide to head out. Adventure awaits!

Velo the Heroic Lugia (L: Psychic/Flying)

Classy: Guardian Snow Angel
Style: Puns of Anarchy (Overwhelming Cuteness -3 on each Enemy Attack)
Goodies #1: <Empty>
Goodies #2: <Empty>
Belly: 2/12
Overwhelming Cuteness: 0/8
Groovy Abilities: Amigo Mode | Perky Stuff!: Hardcore Parkour

[Neo Emolga]

Woo! Now that I've got my caffeine shot it's time for a workout! What do you want for a workout snack, Madder?

The souls of the innocent.

Uhhh how about a bagel?

No! That's not enough sustenance!

How about two bagels?

... fine. But then after that we're talking to 51 Baconz the Grumpig [D] F. Or else.

Yeah yeah fine.

ACTION #1

Workout you must! You reach atomic levels of madness and go into a mania spin! You fill with rage that could overflow a universe and as a result, you do a binky. You know, the midair jump twist thing a bunny does when they're really happy.

As part of your healthy workout, you grab a giant minigun that shoots nukes and you nuke a planet enough times that it blows into pieces. You grab a giant tennis racket and you go all tennis on those pieces. You chew on a rock and flex into beastly forms.

This act of severe madness has caused Madder to drop 2 points of Overwhelming Cuteness!

You grin. An evil grin, but nonetheless, a grin. You feel ready to torment the world a little more.

---

ACTION #2

You seek out Baconz. Mostly because you wonder how her soul tastes.

Interview Rapport: NEUTRAL, INTIMIDATING
+Intimidation (Ghost VS Psychic)

While Velo made friends with Baconz, you feel differently. No, Baconz needs harassment. Baconz needs to be tormented and to spend the night screaming from the evil, evil dreams you keep spilling into her head! Like dreaming she's taking the final exam of a calculus course she forgot to attend all semester long! Do you know how many times I've had that horrible dream? MANY TIMES! And it SUCKS!

You grin evilly at Baconz, knowing she can only quake, tremble, and wet herself in your presence. You demand knowledge about the Squawkers and give Baconz such a deal. If she cooperates, you'll eat their souls instead of hers.

She wets herself.

"I-I..." she stutters. "I-I just don't know! I mean, I only... I only know of what I-I've heard others talking about! Eeeek, I don't want to be eaten!"

"Baconz..." you smile wickedly as your alignment with the dark side of the Force grows stronger. "I will get either answers or sustenance from you."

"Y̳͚͖O̯͉͟U̧̧͇̮R̰͚͔̟̺̻̼̦͢͝ ̴̛̤͕̟̜̙̼͙̼͜C̨̧̗̩̙͉͚̝̖H̬̣̩Ò̶͓̯̻̭̫̺̟ͅI̧̻̩͔̝̤̙̮̟̕C̰̭ ̹̦Ȩ̮̣̹͍̖̥.̨̝̝͉͓̥͡ͅ"

...

"B-B-Bappyboo," Baconz squeals like the edible piglet she is. "There's... s-something wrong with her! And I've heard others! O-others have said it too! Oh my god! She's a f-freak! She's always been a freak, but I'm sure the S-Squawkers have turned her into more of a freak!"

She trembles as she withdraws into the puddle of pee she created around herself. Her fear is delicious. Her panic is delectable.

You turn around and the room goes dark. The theme from SAW plays. Baconz is traumatized for life. The children have locked themselves inside their homes. The angels weep. The subscription to Netflix expires. A phone battery dies. A blue screen of death. A tooth falls out.

Best day ever.

Madder the Devious Mimikyu (S: Ghost/Fairy)

Classy: Humiliation Commando
Style: Desperado Cowboy (4 DMG, 75% CoH)
Goodies #1: <Empty>
Goodies #2: <Empty>
Belly: 0/8
Overwhelming Cuteness: 2.75/12
Groovy Abilities: Stealth Mode | Perky Stuff!: Browser History Hacking

[Neo Emolga]

Step 1: Recruit Fluffy the Wimsicott. More peeps = More things done.
Step 2: Crack that Pinky Safe open, since I seem to have a secret grudge against the thing, what with disarming its two "key" items.

ACTION #1

As part of your ongoing dedication to anarchy, you decide to visit ol' Fuzzball the Whimsicott, which you spelled WRONG by the way! Thing is, he's over by the gooey vanilla pudding Shut Up And Sleep Hotel. So... this happens.

@Creamy Vanilla Pudding Deliciousness! - NORMAL (+2 Belly)@
Bless has gotten fatter with 2 extra points of Belly! Woo-hoo!

It's lovely. You then decide to head up to the twelfth floor and hey, Fuzzball's still here! You decide having his help would be really cool and dandy. So you spend the 700 Snax and help recompense all the stuff he lost because the Squawkers are a special kind of monstrous evil.

"Sweet deal, amigo!" he cheers to you happily. "Thanks for getting me out of this bind, I really appreciate it big time!"

$[Fuzzball the Whimsicott Merc] 700 Snax HIRED!$

With that, you both decide to leave this collapsing pile of vanilla goo for good! Off to bigger and more bolder, beautiful adventures!

Fuzzball the Whimsicott (S: Grass/Fairy)

Classy: Guardian Snow Angel
Style: Game of Scones (Belly -3 on each Enemy Attack)
Goodies #1: %Biker Jacket (-2 Overwhelming Cuteness for each instance of affliction)%
Goodies #2: %Biker Belt (-1 Belly for each instance of affliction)%
Belly: 0/8
Overwhelming Cuteness: 0/12
Groovy Abilities: Reincarnate | Perky Stuff!: Hardcore Parkour

---

ACTION #2

You decide to head back to Sunnyslacker High School, where hey, there's more food awaiting just for you!

@Key Lime Pie and Minty Ice Cream - GRASS (+3 Belly)@
Bless became extra fluffy with 3 more points of Belly! Weeee!

Mmm, so delicious!

You head into the school now and track down that annoying Pinky safe. With the [Chibi Star Bracelet] and the [Cutesy Heart Necklace] with you, you prepare for fun!

#Pinky Sparkles of Happiness! - PSYCHIC (+5 Overwhelming Cuteness)# Trap XX% Evasion Test: XX out of 100: IMMUNE

You up and MURDER that annoying trap on the safe because you're darker than black and yeah, you just Killjoy that thing and tear it apart with evil and teeth and all that fine jazz. You feel NOTHING. NO REMORSE AT ALL. Then you use the junk to unlock the safe because that's what you're really here for!

[Chibi Star Bracelet] and [Cutesy Heart Necklace] have been removed from the Team Pile!

You open the annoying safe with a CLUNK, swing open the door, and huzzah, suddenly it's...!

#Irresistible Happy Urge! - POISON (+5 Belly, +5 Overwhelming Cuteness)# Trap 65% Evasion Test: 27 out of 100: FAILED!

Oh shiitake mushrooms.

Bless became extra porky with 5 more points of Belly! Weeee! Oh, and you get 2 points of Overwhelming Cuteness too, just because I'm generous! Reduced Cuteness damage because of your rockin' badass Puns of Anarchy stylez!

[Ultra Chibi Candy Corn of Yayness!] has been added to the Team Pile!

You fall victim to the unstoppable urge to gobble HEAPS of the candy corn, which by some evil magic, keep replenishing on their own! It never ends! YIKES!

You disarm the trap, but URF, AT WHAT COST!? Your noble and selfless sacrifice has removed the terrible effect of this EVIL CHIBI CANDY CORN OF YAYNESS, but it has left you pretty much like a blimp. Full and overstuffed with lovely Squawker-inspired junk food! Think you'll be able to roll your way back home?

Well, girl, you look flabulous. Yes, I mean FLABULOUS!



I sure hope you're finished.

By the way, that body armor saved you! This is why you equip stuff! (shout out to everyone else!). Buy stuff! Equip stuff! Hint hint!

Bless the Edgy Umbreon (M: Dark)

Classy: Guardian Snow Angel
Style: The Puns of Anarchy (Overwhelming Cuteness -3 on each Enemy Attack)
Goodies #1: %Sugarcoated Commando Body Armor (+1 MAX Belly)%
Goodies #2: <Empty>
Belly: 11/11 (10+1)
Overwhelming Cuteness: 2/10
Groovy Abilities: Reincarnate | Perky Stuff!: Killjoy Master

[Neo Emolga]

I'll go full ninja on 10 Chippy the Audino and go wander in the (16) Tippy-Toes Park, the east side

ACTION #1

That Chippy. CHIPPY. You're sure Chippy is bound to be the epitome of all evil, so you seek her out and once you do, you stalk her. Stalk her! Stalker!

Dio is feeling extra stalky and has gone all stealthy mode on 10 Chippy the Audino, trying to find out if she eats babies or steals food from the salad bar without paying!

YessssssssSSSSssSSsSSSsssSsSs...

---

ACTION #2

By some breakage of logic or use of gizmos, you search Tippy Toes Park! Even while you Stalk! How is this possible!? I get a get out of jail free card because I rule the school and I'd rather not bother explaining.

The park is adorable. For once, it doesn't make you feel like EATING something. You find legos by stepping on them. Normally you would take mortal 500 HP damage, but I'm not using that statistic so you're free. You step on them some more. It feels wonderful because you don't feel it!

You find paper cups, an origami napkin, a broken ruler, a telescope, a phonebook, a watering can, and a M1A2 Abrams tank, but then you come across a real treasure!

Oh boy!

#Aura of Squeee Infectious Cuteness! - NORMAL (+2 Overwhelming Cuteness)# Trap 15% Evasion Test: 28 out of 100: YAY EPIC FAILURE!

Dio has gathered 2 points of Overwhelming Cuteness from the Aura of Squeee Infectious Cuteness!

Oh my god, it's your very own Plush Teddirusa and it's so damn cute and adorable that you grab it and cuddle it and make a total fool out of yourself as it slathers you with its cuteness radiation.

#[Plush Teddiursa: <Hollywood Shenanigans>] Aura of Squeee Infectious Cuteness! - NORMAL (+2 Overwhelming Cuteness)# has been added to the Team Pile!

Oh, you feel so much better now. You step on some broken glass and set yourself on fire, but you're feeling fine anyway because you have your extra special Plush Teddiursa, and it means so much that you could be shot in the face with a nail gun and you'd still be happy and hoppy all day long.

You go back to stalking Chippy now. You go show that Chippy!

Dio the Stalwart Vibrava (M: Ground/Dragon)

Classy: Slappy Happy Classy
Style: Desperado Cowboy/Cowgirl (4 DMG, 75% CoH)
Goodies #1: <Empty>
Goodies #2: <Empty>
Belly: 0/10
Overwhelming Cuteness: 6/10
Groovy Abilities: Stealth Mode: NOW TARGETING 10 CHIPPY THE AUDINO | Perky Stuff!: Death Metal

[Neo Emolga]

Search (30) Exterior of Warget.

Search (32) Exterior of the School.

ACTION #1

You begin your noble quest by heading over to Warget to check out what's going on around the parking lot. All kinds of nonsense. Stray shopping carts, a crushed Staryubucks cup, and the secret Russian plans to make weapons of mass destruction. Just kidding, the Staryubucks cup wasn't actually there.

Around the dumpster, you find some really weird, gross garbage. It's in the shape of mutated Stunky butt and it smells like one too. It doesn't bother you as much, so you dig around in it to see what you can find.

{Suspicious Garbage: +Poison Type+ OR <Memes>}

Buried in the trash, you find something epic! An epic weapon of extreme bashing!

%Greasy Mega Chapstick Rod (+2 DMG)% has been added to the Team Pile!

You're quite sure the Squawkers wouldn't want to be hit with that!

So you do a little more looking around as Warget shoppers are coming and going and nearly running each other over with their hulking SUVs of mass destruction. You then find there's a Hydreigon by the entrance, just loitering around. You go up to meet him and he seems a little depressed.

"Sup dude," he tells you. "Name's Babycakes. Or at least that's what my girlfriend calls me. Well, at least before the Squawkers turned her into a donut. And then some dumb Ursaring ATE her! They turned my car into cake, my apartment into ice cream, and now I've got no money left!"

"Look, help a brother out," Babycakes tells you. "You help me, I'll help you. For $800 Snax, I'll help you guys out. I've got to rebuild my life and I've got nothing to start with, but taking on those Squawkers is risky business. Some cash would go a long way."

$[Babycakes the Hydreigon Merc] 800 Snax$

You tell him you'll think about it, and then you head back to Peep base.

---

ACTION #2

You head over to Peachy Beep Elementary School, where hey, guess what's there waiting for you!?

@Strawberry Ice Cream Yay! - ICE (+2 Belly)@
Eddie has racked up 4 Points of Belly from the Strawberry Ice Cream Yay! Amplified because you've got a softie spot for frozen goodies!

You gobble that ice cream like a piglet on crack and it makes your tongue do a psycho dance. Lordy, it's like you were trying to eat the whole school! Well, you eat so much of it that you get sick of it and have to stop, but hot damn, it was a good run!

You search around the exterior of the school and check out the parking lot, the fields, the pathways, and even that spot where kids used to dunk each other face first into the storm drain! Good times. While you check in there, you find something magical!

#Oh So Super Cute Anime Kitty Essence - NORMAL (+4 Overwhelming Cuteness)# Trap 15% Evasion Test: 76 out of 100: FAILED!

Eddie has racked up 4 Points of Overwhelming Cuteness from the Oh So Super Cute Anime Kitty Essence!

You feel... at one with the kitties. You inherit their cuteness and it makes you squeeeeee and make very unmanly sounds. Yeah, better take this obvious Squawker item along. It happens to be a token, and when you look at it, the cuteness engulfs you. It almost feels painful. So much kitty, so much cuteness. Heaven help us.

#[Token of Tactical Anime Kittens] Oh So Super Cute Anime Kitty Essence - NORMAL (+4 Overwhelming Cuteness)# has been added to the Team Pile!

You go home, quivering a bit, feeling shaken and kittified. It's monstrous and macabre.

Eddie the Epic Bulbasaur (S: Grass/Poison)

Classy: Slappy Happy Classy
Style: Trigger Happy (2 DMG, 100% CoH)
Goodies #1: <Empty>
Goodies #2: <Empty>
Belly: 4/8
Overwhelming Cuteness: 5/12
Groovy Abilities: Reincarnate | Perky Stuff!: Browser History Hacking

[Neo Emolga]

Even though he gave us something. Sense he has a few fingers pointed at him, I'll investigate stealth mode Mooker the Slowbro.

You come back with your report! And it's got doodles. They're your doodles. My doodles. Everyone's doodles.

#57 Mooker the Slowbro

Mooker is as strong as string cheese, and just as intelligent! I mean really, you could put him in front of a lavish, expensive, all you can eat buffet, and he'd rather eat his own boogers. He plays with his food, he tries to sing songs backwards and it sounds like something even unfit for Satan. He cleans his ears with compressed CO2 gas, sucks on helium balloons so his voice gets all squeaky, and then he interchangeably uses toilet paper for both his nose and butt.

You feel like a godly super genius around him. Like you could do complex mathematical equations in your head and compute trajectories and velocities in real time like a scientific physics god.

Mooker is so stupid that there are times where he forgets how to eat. Most of the guests at the Silver Orange Hotel would rather bring their own baggage up than use his help. I mean you really don't know why Upenstoop keeps him around, but with Upenstoop's personality, he probably isn't aware Mooker is even still on payroll.

Mooker tries to play games online, but he's the worst. I mean you really wonder why it takes him so long to even just enter a game lobby. And boy, he gets wasted by other players. You saw him get called a noob eighty-seven times in one night's gaming session with plenty of colorful obscenities to boot. I mean really, if this guy was on your team, you'd always lose. You'd be better off with an empty player slot.

Mooker also tries to swallow whole watermelons because he thinks there's a life achievement to unlock by doing it. He hasn't even come close. He looks like he's mainly just sucking on them and while you feel he would probably suffocate if he did manage to swallow one, you don't think that's ever going to happen. His dreams getting crushed probably saved his life... for what that's worth.

You decide to carry on with life and put Mooker behind you. You could have a really, REALLY horrible day and you think you would still feel well because when you remember Mooker, my god, it can always be so much worse. Thus, you feel Mooker hits a level that not even the Squawkers would be interested in. Even Squawkers have standards.

Shift: Day and Night
Gender: Dude (Male)
Age: 49
Home Location: (5) Tickleboot Apartments
Workplace: (43) The Silver Orange Hotel
Profession: Bellhop
Traits: Stupid, absent-minded, drools
Hits: Humming songs halfway so they get stuck in other Pokemon's heads
Misses: Getting rekt, pwned, lolzored, and sneked by teenagers with bad internet vocabulary
Hobbies: Trying to swallow watermelons whole
Friendships: Himself
Relations: None
Items: He had the [Disguised Card Key #2 $500 Snax$ Gift Card to Appleknee's], but you cunning Peeps got that from him already!
Taught Skills: Planking (N/A)
Proficiency: The Wolfing Cabbage Perky! (N/A)

Your thinking cap feels...
The Squawkers may be nutty, but not on this kind of level. You definitely feel Mooker isn't a Squawker. You're pretty sure even his parents, his grandparents, heck, his entire extended family wouldn't be Squawkers either.

Marta's ninjaing around on #57 Mooker the Slowbro has been noted in the Peep Stuff!