You come back with your report! And it's got doodles. They're your doodles. My doodles. Everyone's doodles.
#57 Mooker the Slowbro
Mooker is as strong as string cheese, and just as intelligent! I mean really, you could put him in front of a lavish, expensive, all you can eat buffet, and he'd rather eat his own boogers. He plays with his food, he tries to sing songs backwards and it sounds like something even unfit for Satan. He cleans his ears with compressed CO2 gas, sucks on helium balloons so his voice gets all squeaky, and then he interchangeably uses toilet paper for both his nose and butt.
You feel like a godly super genius around him. Like you could do complex mathematical equations in your head and compute trajectories and velocities in real time like a scientific physics god.
Mooker is so stupid that there are times where he forgets how to eat. Most of the guests at the Silver Orange Hotel would rather bring their own baggage up than use his help. I mean you really don't know why Upenstoop keeps him around, but with Upenstoop's personality, he probably isn't aware Mooker is even still on payroll.
Mooker tries to play games online, but he's the worst. I mean you really wonder why it takes him so long to even just enter a game lobby. And boy, he gets wasted by other players. You saw him get called a noob eighty-seven times in one night's gaming session with plenty of colorful obscenities to boot. I mean really, if this guy was on your team, you'd always lose. You'd be better off with an empty player slot.
Mooker also tries to swallow whole watermelons because he thinks there's a life achievement to unlock by doing it. He hasn't even come close. He looks like he's mainly just sucking on them and while you feel he would probably suffocate if he did manage to swallow one, you don't think that's ever going to happen. His dreams getting crushed probably saved his life... for what that's worth.
You decide to carry on with life and put Mooker behind you. You could have a really, REALLY horrible day and you think you would still feel well because when you remember Mooker, my god, it can always be so much worse. Thus, you feel Mooker hits a level that not even the Squawkers would be interested in. Even Squawkers have standards.
Shift: Day and Night
Gender: Dude (Male)
Age: 49
Home Location: (5) Tickleboot Apartments
Workplace: (43) The Silver Orange Hotel
Profession: Bellhop
Traits: Stupid, absent-minded, drools
Hits: Humming songs halfway so they get stuck in other Pokemon's heads
Misses: Getting rekt, pwned, lolzored, and sneked by teenagers with bad internet vocabulary
Hobbies: Trying to swallow watermelons whole
Friendships: Himself
Relations: None
Items: He had the [Disguised Card Key #2 $500 Snax$ Gift Card to Appleknee's], but you cunning Peeps got that from him already!
Taught Skills: Planking (N/A)
Proficiency: The Wolfing Cabbage Perky! (N/A)
Your thinking cap feels...
The Squawkers may be nutty, but not on this kind of level. You definitely feel Mooker isn't a Squawker. You're pretty sure even his parents, his grandparents, heck, his entire extended family wouldn't be Squawkers either.
Marta's ninjaing around on #57 Mooker the Slowbro has been noted in the Peep Stuff!
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