★Devolution Battle Royale!★

[Neo Emolga]

THIS IS YOUR FINAL CHANCE TO SIGN UP AND CHANGE YOUR SETTINGS BEFORE THE SHEER NONSENSE STARTS TOMORROW!

For all those of you who are thinking of signing up, SIGN UP NOW! TIME IS RUNNING OUT and you don't want to miss out on this! And if you don't sign up, well boo on you, you're going to miss out on something silly, wily, and fun. That's like skipping out on Halloween because you were feeling lazy and wanted to do nothing memorable like watch Netflix or play Candy Crush Friends (gawd, I can't believe they made that too). This is unacceptable. It's mean. It's cruel. It's like tricking a mermaid into going to Taco Bell and then leaving her there with no way to get back to sea because you didn't even leave your phone so she could call an Uber. You don't do things like that. What would your mother say?

For those of you who have signed up, you are legendary. You hold the highest position of valor and honor, and you stand before all with your prestige, your leadership, your integrity, and your ingenuity. You will embark on the greatest adventure of all time. There will be peril, there will be obstacles to overcome, but at the end, you will be stronger, more noble, and you will take your place among all the heroes of the universe. You're in the right place in the right company. Bless you. Bless you all.