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  1. #4
    Quote Originally Posted by Noblejanobii View Post
    There's not really a form sooo I just kinda adapted one.
    Ooh yes there never really was one. I went back to GCEA Emerald to see what I had written and it was just the trainer name, the entry number, and the date of the entry. xD But I've made a form at the top, just for consistency.

    I really liked your journal entry! Amy seems to be quite strong-willed and I can really tell she's trying to be brave in this weird, new environment with strangers. I liked her overview of each character and each of her pokemon as well. Overall I think you (she) very nicely summed up what's happened so far, which hasn't been much, so nicely done. I found two errors:


    Quote Originally Posted by Noblejanobii View Post
    I have four pokemon to my name right and we’re looking to be a pretty decent team.
    I believe that should say "right now." Easy miss!

    Quote Originally Posted by Noblejanobii View Post
    He and a girl named Kennie are two that I really want to talk to more in the future. Moreso Kennie than Renny, since she’s kinda cute.
    It's Kinnie, not Kennie! XD
    but also 5 billion extra points for that last part

    Aside from that, you were all good. Your writing was great, and the content was relevant and an insight into Amy.

    Total: 15/15 points.




    -----

    Sorry, bud, but I'm gonna have to quote you on a few misspellings! This is just to try to help, so you don't make the same misspellings again. :) However, it could also be part of your character, which especially fits in with the online blogging motif.


    Quote Originally Posted by Rival Max View Post
    I’ve been meaning to create a written blog that would chronical my journey.
    Should be "chronicle."

    Quote Originally Posted by Rival Max View Post
    Tonight, is my first night in this world’s Sinnoh and I have to say I am warn out.
    To warn is to give warning; something that is worn is tired.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rival Max View Post
    Well impatient web surfer prepare yourself for a somewhat exciting or disappointing story depending on you feel afterword’s.
    Forgot "how" in between 'on' and 'you', and that last word should be "afterwards."

    Quote Originally Posted by Rival Max View Post
    It floated for a moment above the chaos reddened battle field watching all of us.
    I think here you mean "riddled."

    Quote Originally Posted by Rival Max View Post
    Some are from Alolah and meeting Val and others are of the strange vortex that brought me here.
    Alola doesn't have an h on the end.

    I would also suggest spacing out the paragraphs because it's easier for the eyes to follow. You did new lines, but the extra blank line space between would help a little. You did it at parts, just not with every paragraph. :)


    Anyway, I enjoyed Renny's entry! I haven't seen a GCEA journal done as a blog entry before but, I mean, it's relevant to the current times and Renny seems like a blogger. XD He's an interesting character because he seems somewhat detached from his inner thoughts or emotions, and I say that because he seems to focus a lot on filmmaking and things like his blog rather than writing about how he's feeling in response to time/space travel, his fellow teammates, his new pokemon, etc. It's really interesting and different!

    Aside from the grammatical and spelling errors (which, again, could be part of Renny's character especially given he's so focused on what he's saying that he wouldn't proofread xD), it was a great entry and I liked reading something written from Renny's perspective! I look forward to seeing more of him.

    Total points: 14/15

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