Grudges

[Saraibre Ryu]

I don't talk much in potentially provocative discussions but considering my background and past history:

Warning this was a much bigger text wall than I expected. So I put it in a spoiler tag.

Spoiler:

I don't find nor have found any evidence for grudges necessary for living, nor are they the same thing as anger. Anger is at some points in time, necessary and is an emotion. Grudges are not. Holding onto bitter resentment and or ill will towards a living being or specific thing doesn't promote healthy things this world needs. That is what a grudge is: holding onto bitterness and resentment. People make a choice to hold on to things, thus why grudges are held. It's easier to hold onto something of course, and letting things go is very hard, there is no denying that, but it's still a choice.

Being angry at someone is perfectly alright as long as it doesn't get out of hand. Anger necessary for the body to vent and release negative energy and emotions that, if pent up, will result in far more harmful effects. Few people learn how to express anger in a different form. I personally choose to try and not to get 'typically angry' when something does anger me, because I lived in a household of nothing but yelling, screaming, anger, hostility, and bitterness. It was supposed to be a family unit. My family unit but no, it was a constant free for all. The anger there was unnecessary because it was a constant swirling rampage. I had things held over my head, things from years ago. I couldn't take it anymore after years and years of negative reinforcement so I decided to stop being angry and leave. Almost two years later after moving, I feel a lot better now that I'm in a better environment, and every time I look back on it, I choose to not be as they were.

That brings me to my next point: the development of grudges comes to choices, but grudges are caused by something negative coming onto a person that may or may not necessarily be yourself. It is still a choice to hold one, because you are choosing how to react to that you are exposed to and choosing how to develop from it. You are choosing how to grow and if you are going to cling to something negative. How do you plan on fulling moving forward with something constantly dragging you down? What is the point? The grudge of one person can carry to many like an infection, and thus can create discrimination, more hate, and discord within an environment and society. It is easier to hate, it is easier to be angry, and thus, people make the easier choice. Most people don't even think about being angry, angry just comes and it's not thought about at all. It promotes unhealthy development of a person's mind.

This is where the difference of anger opposed to grudges comes into play. Anger and a grudge are two different things as I said before. Anger is an emotion and can come without thinking, often does come without thinking and does not require thought to be created. Grudges, while caused by other sources like anger, are not created in a near instant, and is a product entity of various other factors mentioned before: resentment and feeling ill towards another person or thing that sits and festers and doesn't cease or dissipate. Being angry at something is natural because emotions do not need other catalysts to created them. If something happens that makes you happy, you don't need other emotions to create that happiness, and often times, more emotions are stemmed from one emotion. Grudges are created the other way around: multiple negative emotions creating one product.

For me personally [not like what I didn't say above was part of my personal life or anything, aha], I don't have any grudges nor think I have had one. There are things that I remember of people that I've met that remind me of negative things that they have done that I didn't like, but I don't hold on to it. I don't see a point. I've lived in such a horribly negative environment for too long that I don't need it. I choose to move on and live a life with minimal anger and [despite everything I've been put through mentally and emotionally, without any grudges. If you knew all of the details, a select few of you do] you'd be surprised that I don't hold grudges at all. I recognize that things make me upset, sad, angry, and even annoyed, but rather than get to the point of holding onto that, I let it go. I now have days where I can live where the worst thing I feel on a daily basis is being irritated. I'm glad I have some days without being angry, it means I can fill that time and space up with things that are better for me.

I choose to live as someone who can resolve and understand without hate. I want to influence the world to be like this somehow and the best way I can right now, is to show by example. If people want to choose to hold grudges, then that's something that's just too bad for them. I'll probably end up annoying them with future happiness that I [hope and am aiming to] achieve.