The Ribald Tale of Tim!

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

BEHOLD! THE RIBALD TALE OF TIM!!!

This game is relatively simple; it is an endless game involving making one sentence (AND ONLY ONE PER POST) describing our extremely generic protagonist, Tim, and the situations Tim winds up finding himself in! Who is Tim? What is Tim? What will Tim do? What will oppose Tim? What is Tim's goal? That's up to you to decide!

Of course, in order to make sure the story is an appropriate tale for our obligatory protagonist, here are some ground rules:

0: Obey all PxR rules at all times. Seriously, there should be no excuses here.
1: You can only put in ONE sentence per post!
2: No run-on sentences, please. Long sentences are OK, but not run-on sentences.
3: I understand that grammar and spelling may not be up everyone's alley. However, you HAVE to make an effort to have your posts legible. I mean, if we don't understand what you're telling us, then what will we know of Tim's current status?
4: The story we create has unlimited potential and any poster has complete freedom to direct the story in any way he or she chooses, with an exception: everything must relate to Tim. We may describe things that are NOT Tim, but they have to relate back to Tim, as he is the protagonist. This is the Ribald Tale of TIM, after all, and losing focus on our protagonist is unfitting!
5: No inappropriate language whatsoever. This one is extremely important.
6: The Ribald Tale of Tim will stay within the boundaries of Pg-13 content at its worst. Excessive violence and gore is forbidden. Keep any love to kissing and/or hugging.
7: Have fun!
8: No, seriously, have fun!
9: HAVE FUN OR ELSE!!!

Tim's statistics:

Tim's Party:
Tim (Duh) (Healthy)
May (Healthy)

Tim's Inventory:
Pickaxe
Reinforced Table Leg
2000 Yen (equals 20 US Dollars, approximately)
Treeko's Poke Ball (Treeko's Status: OK)
Mudkip's Poke Ball (Mudkip's Status: OK)
PokeDex (Recorded Pokemon: 2)
Empty Poke Balls x 15
Potions x 5

May's Inventory:
PokeDex (Recorded Pokemon: 2+?)
Torchic's Poke Ball (Torchic's Status: OK)
Electrike's Poke Ball (Electrike's Status: OK)

I'll start you off:

"It was an extremely typical day for Tim, a day that would quickly become extremely atypical due to narrative forces."

[Bulbasaur]

Suddenly, a thought popped in his brain!

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

The thought was, "I really need to buy one of those new Pokemon Games, Omega Ruby or Alpha Sapphire."

[PTGigi]

But Tim had a problem: he had no money!

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

Suddenly, a fifty dollar bill, carried by the wind, flew right into his face.

[Sir Sivelos]

Tim took the 50 dollar bill and hurried to his car in excitement.

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

He got in the car and attempted to start the engine.

[Sir Sivelos]

But, when he checked the gas meter, it was on empty!

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

Then, all four of the car's tires sprung leaks as well, and he realized he wouldn't be taking his car to his destination.

[Sir Sivelos]

So, he decided to walk, what with the local games shop being not too far away.