Quote Originally Posted by Chakramaster View Post
I feel as if I might take a bit more time with my next post. Not sure where to take next just yet. Any thoughts for discussion?

Also being my first RP, technically, any critiques? What I'm may not be doing right, how to make it sound better, or is it alright? I know you may think it's good, but I just want personal opinion, as I, personally feel it could use improvements still.
The only thing that stands out to me (and it's not all that big of a deal) is that you switch from third person to first person and then back again several times. It makes it a bit tricky to follow who is the "I" when it switches to first person, but everything else from description, character speech, and organization is FANTASTIC. You definitely have great RPing skills and talents. When it comes to perspective, I'd say consistency might help. For example, I've been RPing in first person from Jonathan's point of view the entire RP. You could go with either first or third person, but switching back and forward does make it a bit confusing. That would be my only complaint, and it's only a minor one at that.