Quote Originally Posted by Neo Emolga View Post
The only thing that stands out to me (and it's not all that big of a deal) is that you switch from third person to first person and then back again several times. It makes it a bit tricky to follow who is the "I" when it switches to first person, but everything else from description, character speech, and organization is FANTASTIC. You definitely have great RPing skills and talents. When it comes to perspective, I'd say consistency might help. For example, I've been RPing in first person from Jonathan's point of view the entire RP. You could go with either first or third person, but switching back and forward does make it a bit confusing. That would be my only complaint, and it's only a minor one at that.

lol I wouldn't really expect complaints anyway since we all have different writing styles xD. Thanks for the critique though, yeah I just thought I'd get some feedback to see if every is able to follow it as easy. It's just taking some time to work around and see what works best. I may try the next few in first person and after that try third person to see which works best for me.....just as soon as I firgure out where to take it next hahaha.

If I ever do switch the first person perspective from being Brian though I'll note it in the text who the perspective is for by either parenthesis, (), or an, *, asterisk marks. Thanks again though. Certainly going to be working with it to figure out how to make it sound as clear as possibly. Guess being alone at the moment gives me time to work with it before having the character meet up with anyone else.