Ah, crushes. The dreaded word. haha.

I've had a few over the last 7 or 8 years when I started dating. I'm a really hopeless romantic. I mean, it's super bad. I'm so awkward and it's to the stage where I even considered just giving up forever (even though I'm only 18) but I just thought it was an awkward confidence thing I would grow out of.

This is the perfect example of being friendzoned and why I get nervous with relationships. My best friend and I were really close. We had almost identical interests, we loved art, pokemon, anime etc. We got really close around the time I broke up with my first girlfriend but at the time we only liked each other in friendship terms. However, that changed and I tried hard to hide it, but everyone could tell by the way I acted around her and treated her. I didn't think I was that obvious but apparently it was, so after my other friend, who was part of our trio because all three of us were close, talked to me asking if I would say yes if she asked me out, I denied obviously but she then hinted that the person I liked would, so realising that she already knew, I asked and she said yes. We dated for maybe 2 months or so. However, because I liked her a lot, I was way too nervous and didn't want to make her uncomfortable, which ended in her saying it wasn't working and it ended. Skip 3 years and I still hadn't gotten over her, we both still had a little thing for each other, so she asked me this time if we should try again. This time I thought that I shouldn't be so nervous, but again, as I didn't want to make her uncomfortable, it ended in a week with her saying we are probably best as best friends. We are still super close and I'm working on getting rid of the crush because I know I blew it, but it'll probably be there for a while.

I feel quite confident-ish now though about it. Theres someone else I like now. It isn't as strong as the one I had for the previous girl, but I've only known this girl for a year and a half whereas I've known the previous girl for over 6 years now, so it could just be that. I am open with it to my friends and most of them know I like her, so I do feel more confident, but I've been put off asking her multiple times because i'm not sure. She seems to give mixed signals. We have gotten quite close over the last year because we have the exact same timetable at college, meaning we spend much more time together than any other of our friends, but whenever I was going to bring it up, she would joke about relationships as if she doesn't want one, but other times she seems to want one so idk. Really ironically though, Me and this girl have been 'shipped' so many times. My friends in our graphics class actively ship us, Some other people say we look cute together, each of our families are trying to set us up with each other and seem to think we are secretly dating and even Tomadachi Life made us marry each other.... twice. haha.
Due to my Social awkwardness, I have drawn a picture of her favourite character with a heart and when the time is right, I will give it to her and hope for the best. I know it isn't straightforward, but we are both awkward so I think it would make it much more easier and it would also make me a bit more confident, i guess.

So, theres the story of my crippling social awkwardness. haha. My longest relationship was almost 3 years though (granted we were both early teenagers so we didn't really understand dating so we were practically just best friends) That's why I like the internet and here much better, I find it easier and less awkward to socialise and make friends. Uni is really going to push me out of my comfort zone though. Moving away from home and having to socialise. But that's another place where I could sort out my relationship issues. haha.