Should I Do It?

**Noblejanobii** · 05-14-2016, 03:32 AM

Originally Posted by AWA1997

Sorry, it's not my fault I couldn't have fixed that. And who knows, some people break out of what their upbringing forced onto them, maybe you can too.

I know. I blame no one but myself for being in this situation. It's my fault for never rebelling against what I was told and only realizing the malice behind it about four years ago. It was too late by then. It's too late now. At least in a few months I might not be as prone to nervous attacks.

**AWA1997** · 05-14-2016, 03:37 AM

Don't blame yourself, blame the people who did it to you.

**Noblejanobii** · 05-14-2016, 03:41 AM

Originally Posted by AWA1997

Don't blame yourself, blame the people who did it to you.

Blaming others is merely a trick used by people to direct something they do not wish to come to terms with onto other people. It's a state of denial and justification, which is utterly pointless and it's easier to just accept the fault as your own and then move on.

**AWA1997** · 05-14-2016, 03:50 AM

Unless it is seriously not your fault. You had no real control over it. In most cases, that's correct, but this can in no way be considered your fault, Jan. Yes, come to terms with how it happened, yes, forgive them if you wish, but, no, don't blame yourself when it's not truly your fault, or you'll be taking all the guilt from everyone else's actions as well.

**Neo Emolga** · 05-14-2016, 04:05 AM

Originally Posted by Vigilante Janobii

I blame my upbringing for that mentality. I was raised with contact social pressures at home and at school to be absolutely perfect at everything. If I wasn't, I was physically, mentally, or emotionally abused, so I fear failure way more than is probably healthy. I mean, for God's sake, in certain classes if I get a B (like even a 92) on a test, I'm prone to bursting into tears because literally until last year, if that happened I would get yelled at and hit by my mother. She stopped last year when she saw how much the stress from the class was affecting me (her abuse totally contributed but she considers it corporal punishment so) and laid off. That has continued to this year. But the fear lives on.

That's EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL ABUSE and yes, and it is WRONG FOR YOUR MOTHER TO DO THAT. That's just rotten-bad parenting and if I ever become a father, I'd try to get the full story first before saying or doing anything to my kids. Sometimes failure is beyond our control and it's just not our fault. Sometimes it's not a failure at all, it's just a message that there's a better path that needs to be found or a new approach needs to be taken. It should be seen as an open path for learning and discovery. But it should NEVER result in physical or emotional abuse. I can't stress this enough, it's so much better to teach and communicate than it is to insult and punish. Punishment should really only be a last resort if all other approaches just don't work and nothing is getting through to that person and yet, they have the power and position to better themselves and their behavior.

Being happy with yourself is more important than being successful. You could be a millionaire, but feel horrible and miserable with yourself because of what you did and who you stepped on to get to the top. And you could also be broke, but be happy because you have friends, a clean conscience, and enjoy simple pleasures in life away from the materialism.

Also, this:

I seek approval in others because, to me, everything I do is nothing but for those around me. I was raised to cater to others before me, which is why I thrive off the approval of others and wilt at the anger of them. As sucky as that may sound, it's the only life I've ever known and probably will be the only life I ever know. I doubt that will ever change. So I will continue to put myself down, compare myself to others, and refuse to partake in an activity because I feel I'm not good enough. It's too late in the game to change my mentality. All I can really hope for is that, when I venture out into the world, the piranhas waiting for me don't devour me too quickly.

I want you to write all this down on paper. Every last word. Go on, do it! Take a picture of it and upload it for all of us to see.

Then I want you to take that piece of paper with all those words, and RIP IT APART. And then take those shredded pieces of paper, and BURN THEM IN A FIRE UNTIL NOTHING IS LEFT. And you bet I want pictures of that too!

Everything in that passage above is CANCER. And it will consume you and eat you alive unless you FIGHT IT and DRIVE IT OUT OF YOU. So write it down on paper. Let those words take physical form, as if you're sucking the poison out of yourself and putting it somewhere else. And then DESTROY IT, to the soundtrack of heavy thrash metal music if that helps! Because you can't keep thinking that way. No one here wants you to think that way.

We want to see you happy and hey, there's no better time to change right here, right now. You can change for the better, and it starts with believing in yourself that you can and you truly want to. And I KNOW you can and truly want to.

You're a fantastic human being and don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise. Now go out there and make a great PMD comic!

**Noblejanobii** · 05-14-2016, 04:22 AM

Originally Posted by Neo Emolga

That's EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL ABUSE and yes, and it is WRONG FOR YOUR MOTHER TO DO THAT. That's just rotten-bad parenting and if I ever become a father, I'd try to get the full story first before saying or doing anything to my kids. Sometimes failure is beyond our control and it's just not our fault. Sometimes it's not a failure at all, it's just a message that there's a better path that needs to be found or a new approach needs to be taken. It should be seen as an open path for learning and discovery. But it should NEVER result in physical or emotional abuse. I can't stress this enough, it's so much better to teach and communicate than it is to insult and punish. Punishment should really only be a last resort if all other approaches just don't work and nothing is getting through to that person and yet, they have the power and position to better themselves and their behavior.

Being happy with yourself is more important than being successful. You could be a millionaire, but feel horrible and miserable with yourself because of what you did and who you stepped on to get to the top. And you could also be broke, but be happy because you have friends, a clean conscience, and enjoy simple pleasures in life away from the materialism.

I mean, there's nothing much I can do about it now. Technically they don't have custody over me anymore and starting this August I will no longer be living with them so it's not like this will continue. Plus I don't have the bruises and stuff to show to DSS anymore anyway. I've just learned to submit, come quickly, allow her to do her thing, and then just don't talk, don't interact, just don't do anything for the rest of the day because she's a loose cannon after that and literally anything can set her off. When I'm a parent, I can assure you, I will not be laying a finger on my child/children in that manner unless it is truly necessary. If they come home with a bad grade, I'll encourage not attack. I mean, fear is a powerful tactic, but at a high cost. Not that anyone really notices what it's done to me because I hide it pretty well, but you know, stuff slips through.

Originally Posted by Neo Emolga

Also, this:

I want you to write all this down on paper. Every last word. Go on, do it! Take a picture of it and upload it for all of us to see.

Then I want you to take that piece of paper with all those words, and RIP IT APART. And then take those shredded pieces of paper, and BURN THEM IN A FIRE UNTIL NOTHING IS LEFT. And you bet I want pictures of that too!

Everything in that passage above is CANCER. And it will consume you and eat you alive unless you FIGHT IT and DRIVE IT OUT OF YOU. So write it down on paper. Let those words take physical form, as if you're sucking the poison out of yourself and putting it somewhere else. And then DESTROY IT, to the soundtrack of heavy thrash metal music if that helps! Because you can't keep thinking that way. No one here wants you to think that way.

We want to see you happy and hey, there's no better time to change right here, right now. You can change for the better, and it starts with believing in yourself that you can and you truly want to. And I KNOW you can and truly want to.

You're a fantastic human being and don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise. Now go out there and make a great PMD comic!

mm… well I can't right now because it's kind of midnight and if I leave this bed for any purpose other than using the bathroom, my mom will be after me like a teacher in Yandere Simulator. I can try another time though. I won't be burning anything though for the main reason being I don't know how to use the lighters at my house and I'd prefer not to set something on fire on purpose unsupervised.

It might be cancer but defying that mentality will take much more effort than you would think. I am a chained angel, trapped here by my own obedience. My mask of fear prevents anyone from seeing when I have shed a tear. I may want to change and it may be best for me to change, but that doesn't mean I can. Plus, I'm happy when other people are happy. So if y'all are happy then I'm happy. I see no problem with that mentality. I may be an emotional parasite but that has never stopped me from living before.

**AWA1997** · 05-14-2016, 04:29 AM

But we're not happy when you're not happy. If you can be happy on your own it will make us happy. And you are strong enough to break out of it, I can see it inside of you. It may take time, it may take energy, but you can do it, you just need to be able to encourage yourself to try to break free when you can.

**Noblejanobii** · 05-14-2016, 05:01 AM

Originally Posted by AWA1997

But we're not happy when you're not happy. If you can be happy on your own it will make us happy. And you are strong enough to break out of it, I can see it inside of you. It may take time, it may take energy, but you can do it, you just need to be able to encourage yourself to try to break free when you can.

But I am so lazy. XD

But I'm only visibly not happy when y'all aren't happy. So how does that work? Like I said, AWA, it's too late. I'll do my best and that's all I can do but the change will probably never happen. Same with my drawing skills. I can keep trying and trying to change something in hopes that it'll get better, and surprise, it doesn't.

**AWA1997** · 05-14-2016, 05:12 AM

It's too late to change the past, but you can still break free for and during the future. I really can see your inner strength, you just have to use it when and where it counts.

**Liokora** · 05-14-2016, 08:10 AM

Oh my >.< I've just read this whole thread... I complete understand your feelings, I've just had a burnout (i'm not sure it's the same word in english... >< ) last week because of preasure on my end of studies project, all my group rests on me and I couldn't bear it anymore...

About these people which get you down, there will always be I guess (few days ago someone said that I did horrible art again ._. ):( I know how it hurts and how it's hard to keep going on sometimes but... the thing is to never give up! Even if sometimes you cry and desespair, getting better is a huge effort, you have to fall all the time and to raise again and again. The important thing I keep in mind is "maybe this drawing is not that good... but the next will be better !!!!!! è_é " (because I'm never satisfied with what I do ahah xD).

A good example : I have a friend who didn't know how to draw horses... so he took tons of references, anatomy, etc.. and he draw about 200 horses. Now he know how to do them ahah xD

There is people who will supports you, and that's these people who are important, don't get discouraged ! Never ! >_< Art is only a matter of hard work, even if you think you don't progress, trust me, you do! I starts drawing about 6 years ago and my best try was something like this :

Even if I still suck at some point, I think I get better, and I'll always try to get better è_é So *cheers* you can do it ! :3

If ever you need to talk or have questions feel free to come to me :)

PS: sorry if my english is weird T^T