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  1. #41
    The Queen of Shaymin
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    Well it's fine except for the accursed chemistry class. It's stressing me out because I am doing everything I can and my grades won't go up. Stress=writer's block. But I do feel guilty because I tend to abandon my stories a lot and I want to finish this one.
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  2. #42
    The Queen of Shaymin
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    Tri-Kappa Labs
    Chapter 7

    'Casey? Casey! CASEY PLEASE!! Save me Casey! Save me! CASEY!!'

    "Violet!" Casey sat up gasping for breath, hand over his chest. It took him a minute to slow down his breathing, trying to regain his sense of being. Casey cast quick gazes at his surroundings. He was in what appeared to be a small apartment. He was sitting on a light blue carpeted floor. To his right was a small wooden dresser that was a bit dusty, as if it had not been touched in a while. On top of the dresser was a small purple vase, lacking flowers. The door was a little ways in front of him. To his left was a small bed. Casey could hear a faint breathing coming from the bed. Someone was sleeping there.

    Casey stood up slowly and approached the bedside. He recognized the sleeper immediately. It was Shayla. He sighed a little, glad to know she was alive. Still, it was odd. He vaguely remembered speaking with her in a laboratory-like room but that seemed like so long ago. Had it really happened? Casey shook his head and nodded to himself. Yes it had happened. His memories were just degrading.

    "That damn serum still affecting me even after I've escaped." Casey muttered. He wasn’t sure how much of that serum they had injected into him, but whatever they had done to him was ultimately still affecting him. He would have to wait until it had fully exited his system before he could even hope to see a lag in the effects. But that was assuming this stuff could actually exit his body. For all the science he knew, this stuff could be building up in Casey’s body and never leaving, forever degrading his mental power.

    Casey frowned when he heard a loud crash outside. It sounded almost… demonic. Casey turned to the door to Shayla’s room. Something in his mind tugged at his instincts, wanting him to investigate. Casey wasn’t sure if it was the serum or his own will, but Casey felt his curiosity starting to awaken and he wanted to settle it. Setting one foot in front of the other, Casey made his way to the door and wrapped his fingers to the doorknob. He gripped it hard, the bronze metal felt cool in his hand. Twisting the doorknob as quietly as he could, Casey opened the door, creaking in protest.

    “You’d think that for such as high tech place they’d fix the doors in this place.” Casey mumbled under his breath. He stepped out into the hallway and glanced back and forth. He could barely hear some voices down the corridor to his right. Closing Shayla’s door behind him, Casey started to follow the voices.

    “Bro I can’t believe you did that! She’s so going to kill us!”

    “Who the hell cares? She’s a diva anyway?”

    “A dragon diva!”

    “If I had realized you guys were wimps I wouldn’t have brought you. Now come on.”

    Casey trailed after the three pairs of footsteps. He only paused momentarily when he reached what he believed to be the scene of the crime. A girl’s door was wide open, and a quick glance inside her room told Casey that these boys either were digging for something personal of hers or were on a panty raid. He hoped it was the latter but boys these days were devious little men. Always wanting to hurt women instead of respecting them. Casey sighed and continued down the corridor, the sounds of the trio in front of him gradually becoming louder. This meant that either he was gaining on them or they were moving to another area where the echoes of their footsteps were louder than where Casey currently was. Casey began to pick up the pace when the footfalls in front of his suddenly ceased. Casey pushed himself up against a wall and slowly moved alongside it. There were some shouts very close to him. Casey peeked around a corner and spotted three individuals bickering.

    The first and appeared to be the leader of the group was a man with pink hair. It had a large cowlick in the center of his head. He had large blue eyes and fairly light skin. The man was most likely Caucasian. He had a brown and red poncho on with a pink shirt and pants underneath. He had his feet (which were in pink boots) crossed in the same way that girls cross their feet when they’re mad. His cheeks were a bright red from anger, and the way he clutched the apple in his left hand and the cassette tape in his right, the guy was obviously angry.

    Arguing with him were two shorter guys. The first appeared to be a bird base user. He had black hair and wore colorful clothing, a mix of greens, blues, and yellows. He had on a pair of glasses that he occasionally pushed up in frustration as he bickered with the man who appeared to be the leader. He had brown eyes and was light skinned but had a darker tint to his skin than the pink guy did.

    The other male was the taller of the shorter males bickering with the leader. He had a large set of wing like shells on his back, mainly blue with a few other colors. He had on sand goggles and was mainly dressed in the same colors as his shell wings. His skin was very dark, leading Casey to assume he was African American or close to it.

    "It is necessary! That ***** is a traitor! We'll get it out of her one way or another! Even if it kills us!" The leader shouted.

    "I don't think this is needed at all! She's probably not even the spy sir! Why on earth would Sloane of all the people here be a spy? She hates gijinkas!" The bird boy protested.

    "I'm with Troy on this one. Sloane has to be the spy. There's no way she's not. Otherwise why would she go on the roof so often?" Shell boy countered. Casey stepped out into the light, cracking his knuckles.

    "Now now, you should listen to bird brain over here. Going and touching a girl's stuff isn't a well respected move, even from my kind." Casey smirked a little at the color draining from all three boys' faces. It was like they had just seen a ghost. Maybe they had. Even so, Casey left fire start to burn on his palms. "I might have to punish you if you don't return everything you've stolen. And let's be honest, I have the advantage."

    "What makes you say that gijinka?" The pink boy replied, venom slipping past his lips as he uttered the word Gijinka. "There's three of us and only one of you."

    "Yes, but I've been trained to know your weaknesses." Without waiting another second, Casey ran at the ring leader. He grabbed the pink boy, wrapping his arms around himself, and then proceeded to knee the guy in the nuts from behind. The boy collapsed and Casey brushed his hands off. "See? I didn't even have to use my powers." He said with a smirk. "Now I'll take this." Casey picked up the cassette tape and ducked down as bird boy leapt at him. The boy hit the ground as he missed Casey. "Now that was just rude." Casey said. He sidestepped another attack before sighing. "Fine if it has to be that way." Casey put the tape in his pocket and clenched his hands into fists. They began to glow a bright green. He looked between his two other opponents, the minions, before lunging at the bird boy.

    The boy's eyes widened in surprise as Casey's fist met his stomach. Instantly green sparkled in his eyes. The boy's eyes closed and he fell to the ground fast asleep. Casey looked over his shoulder to find the other boy. Bug boy was fleeing the scene. Casey snorted and smirked, his eyes flashing with pleasure at this sign of a chase. He took off after the boy, tackled him to the ground, and grabbed the sides of his head. The boy started to scream but Casey muffled the sound with his hand.

    "You're lucky I don't kill you, activating my instincts like this." Casey whispered in the boy's ear. "You're lucky I don't burn you alive and then feast on your corpse." Warm wet tears trickled down the boy's face, hitting Casey's hand as they went. Casey felt the boy shaking underneath him. Good. His prey needed to be frightened. "However..." Casey breathed, "I've vowed to turn away from that life. So how about we make a deal? You just take a nice deep breath when I say so and I won't do any of the aforementioned things. Ok? Blink twice if you agree." The boy blinked so many times one would think he might be having a seizure. Casey's hand that covered the boy's mouth glowed green again. "Ok, breathe." He felt the sharp intake of air against his fingers. The boy's eyes fluttered then closed as he fell fast asleep.

    Casey got off the boy and made sure the tape was still intact in his pocket. He turned down the hallway and made his way back to the room with the door still wide open. Stepping inside carefully, he heard the heavy breathing of someone inside. He looked around before spotting where he assumed the tape was meant to go. Quietly tidying up everything, Casey made sure everything was in place before exiting the room. He paused after a moment, recognizing the victim of the robbery to be Sloane, one of Shayla's teammates. He could recall them mentioning earlier that she was actually a spy but he doubted that was true. The Greek Riders has tried that kind of thing before and the Roman Charioteers were like bloodhounds for these spies. They would find you and they would kill you within a matter of months of you joining them. Given that Sloane had been implied to have been here a while, there was no way she was a spy.

    Casey closed the door behind him and made his way back down the hallway to Shayla's room. Stepping inside, he walked over to a chair in the room. Casey felt himself suddenly overcome with fatigue as he collapsed in the chair. He was fast asleep in minutes.

    ***

    "Casey? Are you really there? Casey?" Casey's eyes fluttered open. It took them a minute to focus on me. They flooded with recognition as they registered my face and he smiled.

    "Shayla! It's good to see you!" He said, jumping up and hugging me tightly. I was startled by the action and tensed up before hugging him back.

    "Hey. Glad to see you too. What's wrong?"

    "Oh…" Casey looked somewhat embarrassed as he released me. "I was just worried because no one else could see me yesterday. I was worried you might not see me today." I smiled a little.

    "A reasonable concern. It's alright. I'm here and I can see you. Even if no one else can I can see you."

    "Shaymin!" I looked over my shoulder and saw Shaymin fuming on my bed.

    "Oh and Shaymin's here too. I found her in my arms this morning." I added. Casey chuckled.

    "Nice to see you too Shaymin. I was worried about you. Glad to see you are ok."

    There was a tense silence that followed this, no one truly sure what to say. We were glad to see each other, don't get me wrong, but we had quite the predicament. Casey was a gijinka. I was a base user. Shaymin was a pokemon. We were in the heart of Roman Charioteer territory. If the three of us got caught together in any way shape or form, we'd probably be killed as traitors. None of us wanted to die just yet, Casey least of all since he'd already almost died several times from the sound of it.

    We all jumped when there was a knock on my door. Casey looked around, a terrified spark in his eyes. He grabbed a blanket and threw it over himself. It was kind of obvious he was there but Shaymin was already hiding under the bed and my door was being opened so there wasn't much we could do. Quill's head poked out from behind the door.

    "Everything alright in here?" He asked. I threw a shirt at him.

    "Privacy!" I shouted. Quill rolled his eyes at me.

    "Maybe I want to watch you though." He replied with a snort. I blushed a little and crossed my arms, turning away from him. I could feel the grin fall from his face. "Kidding." He mumbled. He mumbled. “You and Sloane today. All about your privacy.” My arms unfolded a little.

    “What do you mean?” I asked. Quill stepped in cautiously, closing the door behind him.

    “Someone broke into Sloane’s room last night. We found the culprits unconscious a little ways out of the dorm hallways. They’ve been taken to the medical ward due to mysterious injuries. We think they ended up getting into a fight with one another and don’t want to admit it. Instead their claiming a gijinka has infiltrated the facility and attacked them.” I noticed the blanket Casey was under shift a little. Quill noticed it too and I felt the my stomach hit the floor. “What was that?” He asked.

    “What was what?” I replied, stepping between Quill and Casey.

    “The blanket.” Quill responded, moving closer, “It moved. It looks like someone is under it.”

    “What? No. Of course not.” I stepped back a little, keeping myself between Casey and Quill. Quill narrowed his eyes at me suspiciously. A frown fit itself firmly on his lips as he watched my movements carefully. I could see the trained soldier in him observing me for any sign that I was a traitor. I pleaded with my body to not give me away. I had just joined, I had gotten a base, and I had questions that needed answers. I couldn’t leave just yet.

    With a swift movement, Quill wrapped his arm around me and gently pushed me aside like a river does a twig. I couldn’t react in time to prevent him from reaching the blanket. He grasped the fabric firmly in his left hand and yanked it aside. I held my breath for one tense moment, before confusion flooded through me as Quill began to laugh.

    “I had no idea you were into magic Shayla!” He said with a loud chuckle.

    “Wh-What?” I stuttered. Quill turned to me and smiled.

    “You really had me convinced there for a moment that you were hiding a gijinka. I mean the blanket looked like it had a person under it and everything! How'd you do it?" I blinked at Quill twice before looking at the chair. Casey was sitting there, frozen in fear, plain as day. But Quill couldn't see him. It was just like the day before.

    "Uh… a magician never reveals her secrets!" I finally managed. Quill laughed loudly.

    "Very nice! But you have to teach me that sometime! Promise?"

    "Promise." I replied, glad to be off the hook for now. "Can I finish getting dressed real quick and then I can meet you right outside?" Quill blushed a little and nodded.

    "Ah right yeah! I'll get out of your way!" He quickly made his way out of the room and shut the door. I turned my gaze to Casey. He nervously shrugged and said,

    "I was helping a damsel in distress?"

    "And nearly got yourself killed. Be more careful. We're lucky no one can see you yet for some reason, except those boys and me."

    "Right. I'll stay here for the day then, hide under the bed or something. Stay out of sight and you update me tonight."

    "Sounds like a plan."

    I went over to the closet and quickly got dressed. I exited the room and walked to Quill who wasn't that far away. He explained to me that we were going to discover my base now and possibly test it. Sloane planned to meet us there because she didn't want to play any first person shooter with the boys. Apparently they were sore losers and Sloane kicked butt. Sounded like a fun time to me but sadly I couldn't watch the fun.

    I was still very excited though. I was very curious as to how this system for bases worked. I couldn't quell my excitement, nor could I hold back the nervousness that boiled within me. Casey was here but only I could see him. Was it possible I was imagining him? Or was it something else? So many questions so little answers and I didn't know who I could trust for this.

    'You can trust me.' A voice rang out in my thoughts. I nearly jumped out of my skin and glanced around, recognizing the voice to be Casey's.

    'Casey?' I thought, testing to see if what I thought had just happened had actually happened.

    'Yes Shayla?'

    'Oh my gosh. Is this…?'

    'Telepathy? I believe so. Not uncommon amongst gijinkas of the same DNA.'

    'What?'

    'It means they were either related by human DNA or Pokemon DNA. One of their DNA sources had been siblings and in rare cases it was both. Usually if they were related they had telepathy and the closer related they were the stronger the telepathy.'

    'But I'm no gijinka.'

    'Maybe. Maybe not. Depends on how this base system works.'

    I frowned. Was he proposing that I might be part gijinka now? That's… well I'm not sure what that is. But it was an interesting proposal.

    'At least we can communicate now.' I replied.

    'This is true. Keep me posted. And note, I can hear all your thoughts so just say my name if you want to chat.'

    'Ok. Will do.'

    I nearly bumped into Quill as we reached the lab. Quill opened the door for me and I stepped in. Dr. Mullins was waiting, a suspicious look on his face that completely unnerved me. I shrunk back a little but Quill nudged me forward.

    "It's alright." He whispered, "We just need to discuss something." I felt my pulse begin to race as I was forced onto a table. Dr. Mullins stare seemed to pierce into my very soul. I was terrified. Whatever excitement I had felt earlier was gone, sucked right out of me. Dr. Mullins sat down in a chair in front of me, Quill leaning against the wall behind Dr. Mullins. Dr. Mullins opened a file folder and glance down to read it, then looked back up.

    "Shall we begin Shayla?"
    / / / / / / / /
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  3. #43
    growing strong Pokemon Trainer Sarah's Avatar
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    Haha panty raid? XD

    Wow some of that was pretty rough. Casey is kind of scary. Pretty interesting that he can't be seen by everyone and the telepathy thing. Wondering how Casey and Shayla are related now! Looking forward to reading more as always :D
    GCEA


  4. #44
    The Queen of Shaymin
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    You know boys. All about that underwear.

    And thank you. All shall be revealed one day.
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  5. #45
    The Queen of Shaymin
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    Tri-Kappa Labs
    Chapter 8

    A bird cawed in the distance as it circled overhead searching for its next meal. Its wings beat silently as it waited for prey to show itself. In the forest below, a group of nine individuals trekked through the humid area. The sun was relentless and it was hard to breath with the air being so thick. Over the puddles of water, steam arose and swear beaded down the backs of the group.

    "Why do we have to walk again?" A young girl asked. The leader groaned loudly, the sound coming out as more of a growl.

    "We've been over this. If we fly then they'll either see or hear us then attack us before we can get the jump on them. Stop asking."

    "I'm sorry." The girl whimpered, "I just don't know how much further I can go in this heat."

    "I agree." Another girl mumbled. The rest of the group remained silent, all of them stopping when their leader stopped. The man turned to the two girls. The fear was evident in their eyes. The man shook his head.

    "Tsk, tsk, tsk. I wonder how headquarters would take your complaining." The girls swallowed roughly as their leader glared down at them with a cold stare. "They might even demote you if I were to report this back." The man tapped his chin, as if he were thinking it over. "To think, you had just regained control over your minds too." He shrugged and turned his back to the girls. "No matter. You can both be easily replaced." The leader began to walk away when both girls cried out. They bowed to him in respect and remorse.

    "We promise not to complain anymore." They said simultaneously, their nerves obviously on edge. The leader observed their movements carefully before smiling, his teeth sharp like the fangs of a demon.

    "Excellent. Now hush, the prey is close by."

    ***

    I walked silently next to Quill as they hiked through the forest. I hadn't stopped reviewing the conversation with Dr. Mullins in my head since they had had it, and I could feel that Casey was starting to get tired of hearing it. Still the conversation had been a complete shocker and it was going to be tough keeping it on the down low.

    Casey sighed as he walked next to Shayla. She was terrified of her secret. In her situation he couldn't blame her but still, Casey did find it a little bit irritating that she wouldn't stop thinking about it. It wouldn't be that bad except that they did still have telepathy and so anything she thought he could hear. He didn't mind being linked to Shayla. It would be useful in the future, but still very annoying in the present.

    On the bright side, Casey and Shayla could communicate undetected in this mental state. They had also established that at least Shayla’s team could not see Casey. It appeared that he was in some sort of invisibility state. Some people could see him, or at least that’s what they assumed after the incident earlier that week. However, most people who encountered him couldn’t see him, yet he still had a physical substance. This meant if he touched someone they would feel him touching them. As a result, Casey had to be extra careful, because even though Shaymin was in the same state as he was, Casey was at a much higher risk than Shaymin because he was a gijinka after all.

    Casey and I were shocked out of their thoughts when the group around them stopped walking. Sloane was leading the way for them, her supersonic hearing guiding them through the dangerous forest. Sloane adjusted her headphones a little bit, closing her eyes as she listened carefully.

    “What is it?” I whispered. Sloane hissed a little, signaling for total silence. After a moment Sloane opened her eyes and growled.

    “It’s them.” She said.

    “Of course it is.” Dew answered, obviously irritated by the proposition. I glanced over at the baker. In the past few days that I had gotten to know him, I realized that despite his kind nature, Dew was very easily ticked when a person pushed his buttons in the correct order. “That’s who we need to encounter right now.”

    “Easy Dew.” His twin sister, Mew, replied. “We can deal with them. Plus this was to be expected. After all, what we’re after could bring the downfall of gijinkas as a whole.”

    “That’s true.” Dew mumbled under his breath.

    “Either way, we need to get a move on. We have to reach the temple before they do.” Oh did I forget to mention that we’re in Latin America right now? Yeah. We’re in the jungles of Mexico I believe. Apparently this whole gijinka problem is either not a new thing or something very similar happened during the time of the Aztecs. We aren’t completely sure but that is what one of the Roman Charioteer scouts said so we were sent after it. I had to admit I was excited for the mission but I could do without the heat. The other did not seen too bothered by it (except for Oliver, because his usually white shirt was transparent right now), but I preferred cooler weather than this. The humidity had sweat running down my skin like a river, which is never a pleasant feeling.

    We resumed our trek through the forest, Sloane continuing to lead us carefully through the treacherous wilderness. I found it quite odd that we had yet to encounter a single bug or animal. I wasn’t sure if it was the way Sloane was taking us or maybe the aura we gave off, but once again, I seemed to be the only one who took notice or cared. For what seemed like days, but in reality was only about an hour, there was only silence. No one spoke as we made our way to the temple. Then it happened.

    Sloane let out an ear piercing screech, covering her actual ears (not her headphones) as she collapsed to the ground. Joey quickly made his way to her side, scouting around for the source of the attack. Sloane writhed on the ground in pain, murmuring incoherent sentences with only the occasional understandable word. She began to growl after a moment and when she opened her eyes again, they were filled with an intense burning hatred.

    “Dylan!” She screamed. Pushing Joey out of the way, Sloane jumped up and let out a loud screech. I covered my ears in pain as I could literally see the shockwaves form in the air and shake the nearby trees at their foundations. Well I totally wasn’t in Kansas anymore, even though I’ve never actually been to Kansas. With the whole area shaking from Sloane’s shockwave emissions, I barely saw the figure backflip off one of the branches of the tree and land on the ground perfectly. Immediately my mind screamed that he was a gijinka, and man did he look it.

    This character was obviously male. He had wide shoulders with toned arms and legs. HIs skin was fairly light in tone, a littered darkened, showing he had only just recently seen the sun. His eyes were a glimmering emerald green. His hair was brown, a dusty sort of color. From his hair sprouted two long green horns, pointing straight to the sky. He had on a white t-shirt that clung to his skin slightly. He had on what appeared to be brown jeans and combat boots, both meant for fighting and flighting. Plus, he had on green fingerless gloves. On top of it all, he had on what appeared to be a cross between a vest and a trench coat. It was sleeveless, came down to the ground on his, and was the same green as his eyes. The collar popped up so that it was the same height as his neck, maybe a little shorter. And to finish it all off, the man appeared to have glowing yellow tattoos on his arms. There were x circles going down, one on his shoulders, one on his mid-biceps, one on his elbows, and one on his mid-forearm. With the gloves on, I couldn’t tell if he had the same circles on his hands too but given that the glowing yellow lines connecting the circles on his arms led underneath his gloves, it would be a fair guess.

    This man, Dylan as Sloane had called his, growled while he observed us. His eyes lingered on me a fraction of a second longer than the rest of the group, and if I had to guess, it was probably because he didn’t recognize me. It appeared that Quill and co. had met this gijinka before so it was also a reasonable assumption. His gaze returned to Sloane and his growling became louder. Sloane growled at the same volume in return and tension crawled across my skin like a bug. After a moment, both released large amounts of flames, Sloane morphing as she attacked. When they both stopped, Sloane had assumed her pokemon form. She appeared different than any normal noivern but before I could get a good look at her, Sloane and Dylan had taken off into the forest.

    "Um… are we-?"

    "Nothing we can do about it." Quill interrupted, "Happens all the time. I wouldn't be too surprised if the rest of the gang showed up soon enough. We need to keep moving."

    "But Sloane-"

    "Can handle herself." Oliver interjected. "She's done this before and obviously lived to tell the tale. What makes now any different?" I glanced into the forest where the sound of screeches and dub step bursts. I'd just have to leave it for now. We needed to move.

    Leaving Sloane behind, the group of base users moved on. We didn’t make very far if I’m honest. We quickly encountered the rest of the group Dylan was a part of. They were all gijinkas. Each base user seemed to have a specific opponent.

    The first pair up was between Dew and a female gijinka. She was in a skin tight green suited, covered with what looked to be vines and leaves. There was a yellow scarf around her neck. Her eyes were brown and her skin even darker than her eyes. She grinned at Dew with an uncanny confidence, plucking one her vines and shaping it into a rapier. Her brownish green hair flowed behind her as she charged in, rapier glowing a bright green as it tried to implant itself into Dew’s flesh. Dew dodged easily as he began to transform. He shrunk quickly, taking on the shape of an otter on two legs. Fur began to replace skin as he turned blue and sprouted wings from his back. He took the scallchops from his legs and blades shot out from them. He shot forward and blocked the glowing rapier with his two shell blades. The two were locked into fierce battle, with the sound of metal echoing throughout the air. It rattled against my eardrums as I looked the second pair.

    Nearby I saw Joey shrinking. He slumped down onto all fours, his body consumed in darkness. When it dispelled, Joey was a gray canine with blue rings on his legs and on the center of his head. His long tail swished behind him, flames burning at the end and majestic wings fully unfurled in the air above him. He growled at the gijinka before him. The gijinka smirked at Joey and held out his scythe in front of him. He was dressed in a heavy white winter jacket and white jeans with black combat boots. He had on a black t-shirt underneath with a cross necklace hanging around his neck. He had on black gloves that had a dark aura swirling around them where he was clutching the scythe that seemed to be made of shadows. His hair was white, pulled back into a short ponytail with black bangs hanging over his right eye. His left eye glowed an eerie red, the color of blood sparkling inside. His skin was pale, as if he had never encountered sun in his life. He had two black dots right underneath his left eye and his one visible eyebrow was black, sculpted like that of an Ancient Egyptian's. "تأتي مع مرتبة الشرف والخداع بلدي المنافس." The gijinka said, beckoning Joey.

    By the time I spotted Mew, she was already in her fusion form. She looked to be a quilava in neon colors. Bright blues, tans, greens, pinks, and oranges were her palette. But what was most noticeable was her long tail, small bug-like wings, and two antennae. I could see the Celebi and Mew in her. She released rainbow flames at a nearby gijinka, who merely teleported out of the way. He had an aura of pride about him. His hair was a whitish pink, eyes a dark brown, and skin only barely tanned. He had on a white hoodie that was brown and black at the bottom. His pants were black as well. He appeared to have no feet, or possibly no need for them as he floated in the air. His black tail swished back and forth in the air, the purple aura around this gijinka most visible around his tail. He had three silver rings on his right hand, one on his index, middle, and ring fingers, and one on his left, on his thumb. The gijinka held his right hand into the air and gazed at it. Before long, a black ball of energy formed. He smiled then shot it with impeccable speed at Mew. She barely dodged in time.

    Before I could become too drawn in by Mew’s fight, a cry of pain that sounded like Oliver echoed in my ears. I followed the sound and saw Oliver’s fusion on the ground. He was small, barely bigger than a puppy. He was all white, the body of a chickorita with the color of a togepi. Except, instead of a leaf, he had three shoots that looked like pieces of grass on his head. They glowed and shook with each of his attacks. His opponent, who was laughing like a gaudy rich woman at the moment, was gorgeous. She was perfect in just about every appearance. Her skin was just the right color, her eyes a perfect shade of red, and her hair was just the right mix of pink and gray. Her hair swirled and curled, caressing her body shape until it reached her waist. She wore a diamond necklace and a pearl bracelet on each wrist, with a ring on every finger, each ring holding a different stone. She was in a short golden dress with a pink trim, a pink robe tied with a hot pink ribbon covering her upper arms. She had on pink ballet shoes with high white stockings and pink wings that sparkled in the sun hung out from her back. Oliver stood up, his grass shoots beginning to glow. At the same time, the woman shook her finger. Their eyes briefly glowed before the woman shot rapid fire ice shards, Oliver intercepting each one with a burst of fire.

    Once again I found my attention be drawn away to another fight. A girl with black hair tied into a braid with long black ears coming from her head and red goggles covering her soot colored eyes was locked into battle with Being. Being looked exactly like a quilava, except for he had red stripes that cut across his body like scars. They, like Oliver’s shoots, glowed whenever he released fire. The gijinka’s eyes did the same when she breathed fire as well. Her shirt was orange, her scarf was red, and her overalls were brown. She had on black farm hand gloves and bright gold boots. The gijinka seemed to know Being’s weakness very well, getting in close and personal whereas it appeared Being liked to attack from far away. It was a game of cat and mouse between those two, but I couldn’t stay focused on them either.

    Trebble seemed to be holding his own. Releasing one focus blast after another, Trebble was able to keep his opponent at bay. His opponent was a big guy too. He had to be at least six and half feet tall, probably closer to seven feet. He had on a blue shirt that was a grayish blue in the middle, with red on the bottom of the sleeves, and a collar that hid the man’s neck. His eyes were sharp, a reddish brown that could pierce the soul. His hair was a navy blue with two bright red streaks in the front, and three blue horns shot out like half of a star on each side of his head. He had fangs that stuck out past his lips, reminding me of a vampire as I observed him. His fingers looked to be claws, the nails sharp enough to be small talons. His pants were the same navy as his hair with the same red undertones on the backs of his pants. Large red wings that matched the colors of these undertones protruded from his back. The gijinka didn’t seem frustrated with Trebble, in fact, he seemed somewhat cocky. He was getting hit with a barrage of attacks and seemed to be taking no damage, much to the frustration of Trebble.

    Yet, the fight that called the most attention to me, was the fight of Quill against his own rival in power. Quill was, like many others, a Quilava in body base but his fur was a mix of greens and blues. His fire was a deep forest green, his paws and eyes that same color. He had two long ears that could be seen as wings extending from his head, a flower on the left one. He growled and spewed forest green flames at the gijinka before him. She danced out of the way, blocking most of the attack with a large boulder for a shield. The gijinka had skin as black as chocolate, what appeared to be a tiara of diamonds on her head. She barely wore anything, but what she did wear looked heavier than a car. Plated on her outer arms and legs were what appeared to be terracotta, working as armor that blocked most of Quill's fire attack. On her chest, back, and lower body, similar terracotta plating barely covered those parts of her body. Yet it was just as effective, because none of Quill's attacks were getting through.

    "Hey kid! Your opponent is over here!" Stars littered my vision as I suddenly found myself on the ground. The world seemed to move in slow motion as a man appeared in my vision. He was a skeleton, or at least he appeared to be. His skin was ghostly white, his eyes sunk in making his face appeared like an exoskeleton. Two white horns peeked out from his head, sticking out like sore thumbs in his black hair. Fangs hung out from his top lip, reminding me once again of a vampire. His skin was sunk in along his arms and legs, making him seem like no more than bone. His outfit was a grayish white, with flashes of purple on his sides. He was barefoot, I noticed, a tail tracing behind where he walked. But the part that drained the color from me was not his skeletal appearance, but his wings. They were strictly bone, making a whistling noise any time they moved that sounded like the groaning of a ghoul. He peered at me with piercing red eyes, the look striking me at my core.

    "Leave her alone!" Casey screamed. A ball of flames tackled the man. He grunted and stumbled back, obviously disoriented. I realized quickly that he couldn't locate Casey. I could see him though, and, in a word, he looked pissed. Flames coated Casey's body, rippling across his back, arms, and legs. Even as he breathed, smoke and sparks flew out with each of Casey's breaths. My… er our opponent stood up and looked at me.

    "Hm… an illusionist it seems." He said. The man clapped. "Well done little girl, this will be fun." Then he charged. I scrambled up to my feet and ran away as fast as I could. My feet slammed across the forest floor with loud thumps as I ran. I couldn't hear the man behind me but as soon as I hit a vine, I knew I didn't matter. My ankle shrieked in pain as I took a tumble and hit the ground. I tried to stand up again but it was useless. I was useless. Casey attacked the man from behind, jumping onto his back and trying to cook the bag of bones. The man roared in more anger than pain as he threw Casey off, tracking him with the visible smoke in the air. "Hm…" The man hummed, "Your illusions are somewhat annoying now. I might just have to dispose of them before I can dispose of you." His bones extended before they let out a noise like nails on chalkboard and came off the man's body. They hovered in the air, sharpened at deadly points, aimed right at Casey. Casey, who didn't see them, was on the ground holding his head, having hit a rock headfirst on that last fall. The bones shot forward at Casey.

    "No!" I shrieked, extending my hand. Suddenly the bones froze, and my hand wasn't a hand anymore. The world looked so much bigger and time seemed to be frozen as I felt like lava was coursing underneath my skin. With each passing second that failed to pass, I grew smaller and smaller until the jungle seemed much more massive than before. All I could see were my white as snow paws, but I wasn't too focused on that. As time drew back into its normal pattern, the bones remained frozen, a blue aura around them. Casey and the man looked at me, shock registering on both their faces. The man snarled and snapped at me,

    "Release them you wench!" Even if I knew how I wasn't planning on it. Casey plucked one out of the air and stabbed the man in the shoulder with it, the rock sharp enough to break through his arm. He cried out and suddenly yelled, "Retreat!" I didn't realize he actually meant it until he began to flee, blood black as night pooling down his back. Several out footfalls could be heard a ways away but I couldn't get over the fact that what had just happened was too easy. That guy was obviously strong and yet he let Casey and I off. Something was up.

    Then my vision began to swim. The world began to enlarge again and somewhere in that vast jungle, someone was calling my name. I could barely make it out, but before I could register it, the world spun into darkness, Casey's voice ringing in my head.
    / / / / / / / /
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  6. #46
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    Not as long as I would like but I've had a rough few weeks so I feel entitled to a little slack. You can actually probably see the stress getting to me in those later paragraphs. I'm becoming somewhat lethargic as of late. Oh well. Anyway, here we meet the villains! Yes I am pulling that cliché! Why? Because it's fun! Bragging rights to the person (or people) who can guess what any or all the gijinka opponents are! Anyway, I might be posting a few sprites soon as well as mini-profiles for the characters soon so look forward to that. And I plan to take a creative writing class over the summer so expect these to get a little bit better. See you soon!
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  7. #47
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    Alright so first up on the Tri-Kappa Labs data files is… Sloane! Here's a little bit about her. I've left off past because for most characters that will be discussed throughout the story.

    Tri-Kappa Labs Profiles:

    Name: Sloane Jackson
    Age: 17
    Sex: Female
    Sexuality: Straight
    Personality: Sloane has commonly been accused of bi-polar disease. While she's never gotten the official diagnosis on that, Sloane thinks is at least partially true. She seems to have two different personalities most of the time. On one hand she's very creative, competitive, makes bad jokes, and is very optimistic. This is the side most people see of her because it is her true personality. However, after years of being in abusive situations, Sloane has grown a shell that comes up quickly like a shield. She has a short temper and while in most cases she's able to keep her emotions in check, if you push her buttons the right way she will explode. Sloane's shield is a combination of this rage as well as her more realistic serious side. Upon being angered, she tends to be more somber and realistic bordering on pessimistic. She makes fun of herself as well, because that used to be what make other people laugh. Sloane is insecure in herself which makes her both close and distant to others depending on how she feels that day. She tends to change emotions quickly, but that's only from a positive to a negative emotion. If she becomes sad, it takes a while to get her out of the funk.
    Likes: Writing, music, anime, video games, reading, sleeping, cheese, wine, marshmallows, soda, and people
    Dislikes: chocolate, cockroaches, losing, fruits, vegetables, walnuts, peanut butter, Troy, Troy's posse, people touching her stuff, sharing, and people talking about her past
    Allergies: Chocolate and Sulfa drugs
    Fears: Cockroaches, heights, being forgotten, being rejected, and not being well liked
    Talents: writing, singing, editing film, and fixing computers
    Base level: 1st Generation Purebreed
    Base: Noivern
    Pokemon Appearance:
    Height: 5'2
    Weight: ~130 pounds
    Nationality: American
    Race: Caucasian
    Ancestry: Take all of Europe, put it in a pot, then throw in some Cherokee Indians, and then you have Sloane.
    Home State: South Carolina
    Secrets: She claims to only love Fall Out Boy but she's also a big fan of Maroon 5, Bruno Mars, and Imagine Dragons. Sloane also loves Nightcore Remixes.
    Trivia: Her favorite colors are black and purple. Her favorite Pokemon are Umbreon and Noivern. She has a cassette tap that her best friend who moved to Boston have her before he left. Her favorite city is either Las Vegas or New York City. She's been to Italy. Other than Pita bread, Sloane isn't a huge fan of Greek food. You can ask her anything about mythology and she'll probably know it. Sloane's a lot smarter than she lets on.
    Last edited by Noblejanobii; 05-29-2015 at 03:15 AM.
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  8. #48
    Yaaaaaaaaaay, reading more! I'm gonna do the chapters one by one and correct them as I go. It would be super awesome if you made the corrections to the chapters after I pointed them out to you so my hard work doesn't go to waste. xD And so that your story gets the awesome extra attention it deserves. c: I'm not going to point out every time in the speech when there's a period and there should be a comma at the end, followed by a lowercase letter to continue the sentence, because I'll leave that up to you. Trust me, it's fun to go through your story and correct the silly errors! I enjoy it a lot. xD It's kind of like killing off little infestations and being like "BAI! See you again never!" I also can't be stuffed colouring all those pieces of my text after quotes so I'm not going to. xD

    Chapter 2!

    Quote Originally Posted by Noblejanobii View Post
    The darkness dispersed are what seemed like years.
    I believe this is meant to say "after" instead of "are."

    Quote Originally Posted by Noblejanobii View Post
    But my entire body weighed down like a piece of lead.
    I think this is correct wording, but something about it throws me off. It sounds like you're saying that her body was weighing something else down. I think saying "was weighed down" makes more sense.

    Quote Originally Posted by Noblejanobii View Post
    My hands were bound above me, I was forced on my knees.
    This is an example of two sentences that should be separate. They are not linked by anything, and therefore a comma is the wrong punctuation to use. You're after a semicolon or a period. If you need more help on clarification for this, just let me know. :]

    Quote Originally Posted by Noblejanobii View Post
    No doubt he had on bullet proof padding.
    "bulletproof" is one word.

    Quote Originally Posted by Noblejanobii View Post
    "Well little Miss Runner,
    A comma after "well" is a good idea, since it's one of those phrases like "yeah" that, for some reason, require them. Otherwise it could be read as him describing her as being well (in good health).

    Quote Originally Posted by Noblejanobii View Post
    "Geez you're stubborn."
    Same situation here. When there's an extra phrase like that, there needs to be a comma after it. It looks and reads neater. x)

    Quote Originally Posted by Noblejanobii View Post
    Look, you're bored, I'm bored, and all you have to do to get out of here is just answer like five questions. Ok?
    1. "Ok" is read as "ock." It is not the correct way to say "okay." You can either spell it as OK, O.K., or okay.
    2. See how you put the comma after "Look" at the start? Perfect. :] That's what I meant for the other two things I quoted. However, the use of "like" in the middle of a sentence has to be written with commas around it. It's not really proper English to say "like" in the middle of a sentence out of context, even though everyone does it (and it's great to put it in characters' speech to make them seem more realistic). If you don't put a comma directly before and after it, it literally reads as "you have to answer like five questions would." She has to answer in the way that five questions would answer. xD As if five questions answer a particular way. See what I mean?

    Quote Originally Posted by Noblejanobii View Post
    "If you don't talk I will make you talk.
    A comma after the first "talk" would make it better to read.

    Quote Originally Posted by Noblejanobii View Post
    "Did you have any plans in regards to say a job or college before this happened?"
    Again with the commas. This time, around "say." Otherwise he's asking her if she had plans to say the words "a job or college before this happened." xD

    Quote Originally Posted by Noblejanobii View Post
    "22 and March 31, 1992. You?"

    "25 and November 2, 1989."
    It's very unnatural for me to read numbers in stories. Stories are meant to be words, not symbols, unless it's outside of speech. This should really say "Twenty-two and March thirty-first, 1992." The general rule is to write out any number smaller than one-hundred. If it wasn't dialogue, it would probably be different, however, such as when a character sees the time.

    Quote Originally Posted by Noblejanobii View Post
    We reached the end of the blue corridor and took a right onto another corridor, this one green.
    Should be "into," not "onto." :]

    Quote Originally Posted by Noblejanobii View Post
    Here there were many viewing windows into a variety of rooms.
    I think the "Here" is redundant. I don't like to see "here" in stories because it seems like a present-tense thing to do, or something a character would say in speech. Replaced with "I noticed," it would sound much better.

    Quote Originally Posted by Noblejanobii View Post
    Quill and I walked passed them quickly but I caught glimpses of a training room,
    That should be "past." You use passed for the past-tense of, for instance, passing an item to another person. If you had said "Quill and I passed them," it would make sense because them passing the rooms is the action, but because you added "walked," it makes walking the action. Meaning that "passed" becomes "past."

    Quote Originally Posted by Noblejanobii View Post
    Quill lead me to one of the nearest relaxation areas.
    The past tense of leading someone somewhere is "led." The metal is spelled "lead" as well and said like "led." That might be where the confusion is. xP

    Quote Originally Posted by Noblejanobii View Post
    She also had purple Beats headphone hung around her neck.
    *headphones

    Quote Originally Posted by Noblejanobii View Post
    I squinted to try and read what she was typing but the text moved to quickly for me to make it out.
    Should be "too quickly."

    Quote Originally Posted by Noblejanobii View Post
    Her skin was pale, like she hadn't gone outside much but she had freckles all over her cheeks.
    There should be a comma after "much," because you're inserting that extra bit of detail into the sentence that could otherwise be removed. If you took it out, it would say "Her skin was pale, but she had freckles all over her cheeks." Because you added in that extra bit in the middle, you need commas surrounding it. :]

    Quote Originally Posted by Noblejanobii View Post
    Her eyes were a brilliant violet that matched her glasses which were, you guessed it, purple.
    The thing I quoted above is the exact same as this sentence. You've done it correctly here and put commas around "you guessed it." :]

    Quote Originally Posted by Noblejanobii View Post
    "And you brought a girl." The girl smiled a little and looked back to Quill. She began to wiggle her eyebrows at him.

    "No Sloane. Put those eyebrows away Sloane."
    XDDDDD OMG I LOVED THIS PART. It's hilarious. The wiggling eyebrows is a great image. XD Love it. But there should be commas before "Sloane" in both cases. "No, Sloane. Put those eyebrows away, Sloane." When addressing a character in this manner, always put a comma before their name. :]

    Quote Originally Posted by Noblejanobii View Post
    "I'm Sloane Jackson.
    OMG! O: SLOANE?! When did you come back from your GCEA journey?!?! xD

    Quote Originally Posted by Noblejanobii View Post
    "Wait wh-"
    Again because of intonations and such, putting a comma after "wait" is a good idea (even if there's only one and a half words in that sentence xD).

    Quote Originally Posted by Noblejanobii View Post
    "Not funny man!
    Because there is no comma before "man," I read this as if he was saying "Oh no, not Funny Man!" As in, there's a person called "Funny Man" and he was like "Not him!" xD So yeah...for clarity's sake, put commas before things like names and nicknames when characters are addressing each other.

    Quote Originally Posted by Noblejanobii View Post
    "That's what you always say." Quill retorted. Being huffed loudly and crossed his arms. He turned his back to us but then hesitated. Being looked over his shoulder at me.

    "Who's the new girl?"
    This is more of a personal preference, but because the second line belongs to Being, you could put all of Being's body language on the same line before he speaks. So Quill's speech and then "Quill retorted" are one line, then the next line is Being's actions as well as his speech. :] Like I said, though, it's more personal preference than anything.

    Quote Originally Posted by Noblejanobii View Post
    Ok well that will make sense once he does. Now if you'll please excuse me I have broken lab equipment to attend to."
    You already know my issue with "ock" so I'll leave that to you. ;] But in this instance of speech, I'd put a comma after "okay" and also "well," and then in the second sentence, you need a comma after "now" and "me." Remember intonations. I'm not going to point out more comma use from now on since it's time consuming and you can find them yourself. xD

    Quote Originally Posted by Noblejanobii View Post
    Their skins were darker than Being and Sloane's but still pretty pale.
    It sounds weird to say "their skins" because it makes it sound like they each have multiple skins. I'd stick with "Their skin was darker" :]

    Quote Originally Posted by Noblejanobii View Post
    And just as quickly as they had came they were gone.
    This should be "they had come." If it was "quickly as they came" then "came" would be correct, but adding in "had" makes "come" the appropriate term. (I'd also put a comma after come.)

    Quote Originally Posted by Noblejanobii View Post
    One guy was sitting cross legged on the couch,
    Should be cross-legged.

    Quote Originally Posted by Noblejanobii View Post
    He had leaf green hair that spiked every which way.
    I believe that should say "in every which way." Without "in" it sounds kinda weird.

    Quote Originally Posted by Noblejanobii View Post
    There's a chick-fil-a a few rows down."
    I didn't know what this was but I googled it. It's a company so it should be spelled with capitals; "Chick-fil-A."

    Quote Originally Posted by Noblejanobii View Post
    I scarfed down two chicken biscuits and a drink before noticed that Quill was smirking at me.
    Um. Do they really sell biscuits made of chicken? o_o Like cookies...with chicken? *shudders* Also you forgot "I" before "noticed."

    Quote Originally Posted by Noblejanobii View Post
    "Ready for me to explain everything."
    Should have a question mark at the end. :]

    Quote Originally Posted by Noblejanobii View Post
    "Yes. He was originally in a China facility but escaped and was shipped here.
    Should say "Chinese facility." Otherwise it's like saying "He was originally in an America facility." Otherwise you could say "in a facility in China" and that would work.

    There we go! Finally done with corrections. xD It may seem like a lot, but many of them were repeats, and others were just little errors that are easily fixable. I liked the insight we got into all the characters, as well as some context for the story. One of the things I could have guessed was that it was a story involving pokémorphs/fusions/whatever due to the title of the story. I have read quite a few fusion stories before, so I'll look forward to how this goes. The main difference is that I have never read a pokémorph story (if you don't mind me calling it that) from a voluntary perspective. It's always "the character gets captured and wakes up in a facility wherein scientists/an organisation is experimenting on them and others against their will," so I'm quite keen to see what you do from a voluntary position.

    I'm not too sure how I feel about bringing real-world countries and such into it, because as much as it makes sense, it's hard for me to believe that the Greek could take over the world. xD If anything, I would expect it to be a country with a huge military force like China. But Greece? Seems a little out of place. I also thought in the beginning that the Greek Riders had captured Shayla and were going to force her to comply with their wishes to be experimented on, which I imagine Shayla could have thought too, which is why I was confused that she didn't appear angry at Quill at first. I imagine she would have been quite scared and confused, and the language used made me think that somehow she knew he was good from the get-go. I dunno, maybe she suspected something totally different, but just after your house has been raided and the last thing you can remember is running away from an assault, you'd think that you had been captured by those people. Well, that's the way I see it anyway. xD Maybe you see it totally differently.

    The video game those two boys were playing sounded hilarious! xD I really quite enjoy your writing style. It's pleasant to read, and you've got a lot of decent description happening. It's clear to see that you're a great writer. :] You do have grammar issues, but they're mostly minor. They don't detract from the overall interesting-ness of your story, though. I also really want to know more about your characters--Sloane and Quill especially. Being sounds awesome. xD

    To summarise the points I made:

    1. Commas before addressing characters.
    2. Use commas to break up sentences appropriately, especially if it can be accidentally misread.
    3. Use commas after things like "well" at the start of a sentence, or "like" in the middle of one.
    4. Avoid using any numb3rs in your story, especially in speech, unless they're high numbers.


    Aside from isolated errors, that's pretty much the gist of what I said. :] I hope this review helps, and I look forward to reading more. c:
    Last edited by Suicune's Fire; 05-30-2015 at 04:30 AM.

  9. #49
    The Queen of Shaymin
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    Ok I was reading the whole thing and the fact that you didn't know what a Chick-fil-a is kind of threw me. Is biscuit like the Australian or British or wherever you live for cookie? Like as in this type of cookie:


    Lol no, chicken biscuits are not cookies made of chicken. Ok, in America, a biscuit is what is pictured below. Very popular breakfast food. Many fast food chains carry them.


    A chicken biscuit is literally one of those sliced open liked a sandwich with a slice of chicken in the middle, as displayed below.


    I didn't realize that wasn't a commonly known term because, where I live at least, when people say "chicken biscuit" we automatically think of the breakfast food.

    Ok so beyond that, I have like three more comments to make.
    1) Lol Sloane Jackson is actually a really common character for me to use in my stories. Her personality and role tends to switch a little bit between stories, but overall she's the same character. Short temper, bad knee, loves the color purple, and usually a side character. She also usually represents myself in the stories since I usually find it easier to write the stories if I'm actually "involved" in them so there's usually a character that represents me in the stories (though sometimes she goes by the name Kyo Writer if you look at some of my older stories.)
    2) I'll edit these in as soon as I can. With exams coming up it might not be until sometime next week or the week following before that happens though.
    3) CURSE YOU COMMAS!!
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  10. #50
    BAHAHAHA THAT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE NOW. Biscuits to me are these:



    Whereas cookies are the things you first posted a picture of. And ooohhh. We call them scones. (Pronounced skons.) Lololol. Or a breakfast muffin, though they're a little different. English muffins; you know, like this:



    XD Also, if you don't want a HUGE PICTURE, put them in imgsize tags, which are like [img] tags but it's [imgsize=600]picture url![/*imgsize] (But without the *) And you can choose the size where I wrote 600. 600 is the size of the picture above. ^

    1) Ooh I see! I used to have characters like that until I decided not to. Lol. I love that there are so many Sloane Jacksons though. XD
    2) That's okay! Take your time. :] I'd read the third chapter now if I wasn't going to go out soon. o:< But I'll get there! xD
    3) *shakes fist*

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