Quote Originally Posted by Noblejanobii View Post
As much as I would like to be like this, mentally I just... can't. I've had too my ambitions shattered too many times to have any confidence in my pursuits whatsoever. Heck I was beginning to wonder if I was as good as political science as I thought I was until I won an award for it a few weeks back. I've left singing, piano, coding, art, film production, and so many other things behind because of this mentality that I can't let go of. The only reason I haven't dropped writing is because it is the only thing I have left.

I don't mind constructive criticism. I used to but not so much anymore. But I take every comment to heart nowadays, simply because even now the insults are beaten into me to the point where I'm in tears and want to just disappear. It's been that way for a long time and it's probably never going to change. My default opinion of myself is that I'm a disappointment as a result of this, thus, I must look to others to prove myself wrong. And when I get zero response? It makes me think that no one disagrees. And when I get a negative response? It makes me feel even worse.

You make it sound so easy to brush off the haters but it's not when your biggest hater lived in the same house as you for eighteen years. It's not easy when just the thought of getting a test back makes you feel nauseous and sick. It's not easy when you have to hide everything you draw or write out of sheer fear that it'll be labeled as a waste of time. It's not easy when you fear the affection of others are merely a knife disguised an olive branch because for nearly two decades most of the time it was. I have to latch onto other people's opinions because I am desperate for someone to prove to me that I am worth something. Because for nineteen years now I've been constantly reminded over and over and over and over that I'm not worth more than the dirt that my grandfather is buried under.
That's rough, Noble...but that's just something you can't expect to live with. Expecting so much only puts that much more pressure on you. Living through it for years is what makes it even harder on you, yes. That's just the thing about it. It'll only create more pain, stress, and heartache.

It's not easy at all to just brush off. No matter what you think, Noble. We are ALL worth something. Though we may feel at times like we're lost, alone, and like nothing. We all have something out there for us. It's all a matter of finding out what that is. Trust me, haters exist EVERYWHERE in this world. And there's nothing we can do about it. We can fight it, but another many take the place of a few. Sad part is, it continues into the next generations too. It falls to the people of this world to raise children right, siblings, friends and family. Cause less hurt and being more support. It'll help everyone and cause less pain and emotions for everyone.

Just cause someone tells you over and over that you can't doesn't mean you can't. YOU are the one to decide that. Not them. YOU have the right to decide in the end. You have to fight and fight hard in this world. We can't all be handed something sadly. Some are luckier there than others. If you have to create something and expect the most out of it to get a gain. It'll help, but for how long? It can't be forever and it won't last forevwe. In fact expecting it then expecting it over and over to have it suddenly cease will only hurt more in the end. I'm sorry, but it's just how things are. It'll only cause more pain to expect everything

You like creating stories and have started drawing. Make it part of that passion that drives you. Create it because you want to. Like Neo said, if you do it just to get appraise it'll never last and be yours truly. If it continues to worry you. Create daily stories, daily blogs, just as you create art when you feel like it. Do it because YOU want to and not for a gain. If it's your passion. LIVE it, don't expect the most. It will only last so long. It'll bring you higher and higher only to drop you down from that high up. The further you climb it feels great, but the fall back down will only be that much harder and hurtful when you hit the bottom.