PXR Adventures! (We make fun of you!)

[Noblejanobii]

Sarah's Steam Sellout
Starring Pokémon Trainer Sarah

Spoiler:

Featuring: @Suicune's Fire @Neo Emolga @Dash @Rival Max @Chakramaster @Lunar Latias @Bulbasaur @HKim @Speed-X @Corey

The building shook as an earthquake tore through it. A young bulbasaur clung to the ground as the quake settled before continuing her journey up the stairs. It had been a long war, but now they were reaching a breaking point. And it was all Archaic’s fault.

The bulbasaur quickly ascended the stairs and turned into the first room. Several heads turned as she entered. The first was a bulbasaur with a blue bowtie, her co-commander, Harry. He was observing the progress of the destruction that Archaic had caused. Next to him was the resident programmer, updating the defenses of all the buildings as best he could, Dash the Keldeo. On the bulbasaur’s right were an Emolga and uniquely colored Flareon. The Emolga, Neo, was coordinating an aerial assault on the oncoming armies, as such strategies had been very successful deterrents so far. Finally, the gold flareon known as Super Secret Double Agent Xanthe was busy relaying information for means of strike attacks to her partner, a Shaylava named Super Secret Double Agent Sloane. However, everyone paused in their work as the bulbasaur with a pink bow entered the room.

“Sarah,” Harry said tentatively, “why are you back so soon? I thought you were off to make negotiations with Archaic.” Sarah shook her head and walked to a nearby chair. She climbed into it then gave the group a serious look.

“I was, however, Archaic cannot be reasoned with. At first, I thought just turning the entirety of Bulbagarden’s users into bulbasaurs would have been enough for him. However, the power has gone to his head. He has set his sights onto the whole world now.” There was a collective gasp in the room. This was unsettling news. The Crossroads had been fighting an uphill battle for a long time, as had many other civilizations around the web. To have no end in sight was a horrifying reality. Pokemon Crossroads might have had a chance at victory when Ray was running the show, but ever since his capture at the hands of Evil Figment the Houndoom from Bulbagarden, Sarah had been forced to take over the war. All of the main force feared the worst for Ray, assuming he was either dead or a brainwashed bulbasaur soldier. At this point there was little they could do, since there was no known cure to the weapons Archaic was using.

“There might be a way to fix that,” Harry offered. Sarah turned to look at her fellow bulbasaur. Now he had her attention. “Max mentioned earlier that they had made a breakthrough and wanted to see you when you returned.” Sarah needed no further coaxing. A breakthrough could be just what the Crossroads needed to survive this war. With Pokefarm and Marriland already overrun, it was only a matter of time before they tore through Serebii, Petalburg Woods, and then reached Pokemon Crossroads. Sloane had mentioned that she controlled several smaller scale forums, but that raised many questions of their own. Would they be able to handle all the users from Crossroads? Would they be eventually overrun as well? Could they even evacuate there in time? There were just too many variables with that, so they had to be a last resort.

“Continue your work,” Sarah ordered, “I will go down to see what Max has discovered. In the meantime, keep our defenses as sharp as we can and keep me updated on any urgent developments.” A chorus of “yes ma’am!”’s answered Sarah before all four pokemon returned to work. Sarah turned back to the stairs and began to descend to the floor just below the one she was currently on. She pushed open the door and exited the stairwell to reveal a floor full of scientists and experiments. While normally this place would not be so busy, ever since the beginning of the war, it had been bustling with users from all sorts of backgrounds.

Sarah continued her stretch to a room at the end of the main hall on this floor. She raised her foot and knocked. A soft “come in” answered her. Sarah pushed open the door and looked around in search of the scientist. It took a moment for her to locate the Gible, but she spotted him hidden in the depths of his work.

“Max, you wanted to see me?” The Gible looked up from his work and smiled at Sarah. He leapt down from his stool and rushed over to Sarah.

“Yes I did, my fellow Hooligan! Follow me, I think I made a breakthrough.” Max began to lead Sarah to a deeper part of his lab as he continued to speak. “As you recall, this whole epidemic started because the Bulbagarden community got ahold of our Pikachu Survivor Game technically and modified the weapons to turn everyone in bulbasaurs. However, we have no idea what we did so none of the cures we have work against it. But, recently, I discovered something while experimenting with the cure.”

Max took Sarah deep into his lab where many of the bulbasaurs that had been captured were being kept. Among them was Eric. Eric was already a bulbasaur before the war started, however, he and his partner, Mike, had been sent out on a scouting mission, and Eric sacrificed himself for his pair. He was now a brainwashed bulbasaur, and one of the main bulbasaurs Max worked on to create a cure.

“While working with Eric earlier today, it seems a variation of the cure worked on him.” Sarah looked at the younger bulbasaur. He was currently asleep in his cage. But if the cure had worked, then why was he still in cage? Max seemed to sense Sarah’s doubting and quickly added, “It only worked for a little bit and only on him. I think it may have something to with the fact that he was already a bulbasaur.” Sarah sighed. It was upsetting that this had not worked, but at the same time, there was still a sliver of hope that they were on the right path.

“Thank you for showing me this, Max. It is good to see we are progressing. Is there anything else you wanted to show me?” Max shook his head.

“I’m assuming negotiations did not go well?” he asked with his head slightly cocked to the side. Sarah shook her head.

“Archaic is too far gone. The only thing that can save us now is that cure. We’re depending on you, Max.” Max flushed a little before saluting.

“You can count on me!” he declared before diving back into his work. Sarah turned and led herself out. She was starting to enjoy the silence when a Snivy ran up to her.

“Sarah! It’s urgent!” Sarah stumbled back a bit, startled by the messenger. She recognized the snivy to be the ultra fast Speed-X. “We need to head back upstairs now! Xanthe’s gone crazy.” Sarah needed no further explanation. She followed Speed back upstairs to the headquarters, where they were greeted with a very peculiar sight. In the center of the room, a shrine had been built, filled to the brim with lit candles and pictures of Sloane. Xanthe was currently dancing around it, causing Harry, Neo, and Dash to all stare at her a bit oddly.

"OH MY GOD WE HAVE TO SCOUR THE ENTIRE WORLD. I DON'T CARE IF I ALL OF YOU DIE IN THE PROCESS LOL SOZ. LOCATE HER!!!!!!!!!" she screamed as she danced. Sarah looked at Speed, who only shrugged.

“She claims she’s performing a “Sloane Return Dance”,” Speed explained. Oh great, that was just what they needed. Sloane had been captured. Well there was only one thing they could do.

“Xanthe, I’m going to re-pair you Sam. Sloane’s been officially demodded for like the one gazillionth time.” Xanthe turned to Sarah and put on her “deal with it glasses”.

“I WILL NOT ABANDON MY SUPER SECRET DOUBLE AGENT BUDDY!!!!!” Xanthe then proceeded to jump out the window and noclip’d through the sky towards where Sloane was last sighted. Everyone in the room just stared at the gaping hole in the room, confused as to what just happened. Finally Neo spoke up.

“I think we should go after them. They are some of our best operatives.” Sarah frowned a bit. She did not really want to. After all, they were known as Double Agents for a reason. Sarah had been expecting a coup for almost two years now. It was only a matter of time. But, since Neo insisted, she would allow it.

“All right,” Sarah replied, “send in the Electric Rodent Regime.” Neo saluted then turned back to his computer to relay the orders to Commander Raichu. Moments later, millions of electric rodents could been seen through the giant hole in the wall marching towards the battlefield led by Commander Raichu and his loyal Lieutenant Commanders, Gemma and Chakra. It was such a proud sight that it brought tears to Dash’s eyes. Surely with such a force so large, there was no way they could lose. At least until a giant missile could be seen flying through the air.

“It’s a bulba flu tactical nuke!” Speed exclaimed, “Everybody get down!”

“I’m too young to become a bulbasaur!” Harry yelled before diving under his desk for safety. Sarah ran over to her desk and pushed a button, activating the anti-tactical nuke shields that created a giant Mimikyu costume around the entire building.

“You’re already a bulbasaur!” Sarah yelled back before everything went deafeningly silent when the nuke hit. The five occupants in the room sat quietly until the shield dissolved. Neo was the first to take a look outside, and the sight was terrifying. Every single one of the Electric Rodents was now a brainwashed bulbasaur. Before anyone else could react, Max burst into the room.

“SARAH! I FOUND THE CURE!” Max grabbed everyone in the room and somehow dragged all of them down to his lab where all the subjects were no longer in cages or brainwashed.

“How did you do this?” Speed asked, a little on guard around so many bulbasaurs.

“I dropped this vial of cure into the nuclear blast and by adding a little Corey magic-” Corey poked his head in through a nearby air vent and waved before disappearing, “I was able to cure all these bulbasaurs. If we can just get a tactical nuke and spread the cure everywhere then we can save the day.”

“But how are we going to get a tactical nuke? Those things are impossible to recreate since somebody used them all,” Dash pointed out while glaring at Neo who shrugged as he put on his forever gold sunglasses. Suddenly a Xanthe appeared, busting through the wall holding a Sloane and a tactical nuke.

“DID SOMEONE REQUEST A TACTICAL NUKE!” Grabbing the cure and dropping the Sloane, Xanthe noclip’d back out into the battlefield and proceeded to pull a cooking pot seemingly out of nowhere, mixed everything up, then dropped it on the entire world. AND THUS EVERYONE WAS SAVED.

OR SO THEY THOUGHT!!!

Just as everyone began to celebrate their freedom from the bulbasaur epidemic, Archaic came riding in on a bulbasaurus rex. It appeared the cure did not work on him.

“Surrender to the might of Archaic and the Bulbasaurus Rex!”

“Never!” yelled back a stunningly gorgeous dunsparce in heels, “Sarah defeated you already! You cannot beat our bulbasaur!”

“That’s what she wants you to think!” Archaic replied, “Come Operative 3S^! Your time as a double agent is finally over!” Everyone turned to look at Sarah as she began to laugh maniacally and started to evolve. She grew and grew until she crushed the building and was taller than any form of Corey magic could make someone be. She let out a mighty roar and said,

“FEAR ME I AM THE MIGHTY TRISARAHTOPS!”

Using her trisarahtops magic, Sarah instantly turned everyone back into brainwashed bulbasaurs and defeated all her former comrades. As she walked among the bodies of her old friends, Sloane reached out to her and caught the traitor’s attention.

“Wh-Why Sarah? You were the only thing that kept us going,” Sloane said, “Why would you betray us?” Sarah looked Sloane dead in the eyes and in a deep, bone chilling voice, she answered,

“It’s because games cost too much on Steam.”