The One

**Palamon** · 02-17-2017, 04:25 AM

How many times in your life have you felt like you found the person for you but they ended up being nothing like you expected?

Have you found "the one" yet?

*By the one, I mean someone you're dating or whatever or married to, doesn't matter.

**Soups** · 02-17-2017, 04:55 AM

Honestly, I've come across two people at two different times in my life so far that I've felt like I belonged with. With the first one, we gave it a go, and unfortunately... I was cheated on. As much as it hurt, I kept my head held high and learned from the situation rather than sulk about it, you know?

With the second... yeah, it was just an unfortunate situation. She had a boyfriend for the longest, but apparently she always wanted to be with me from the get go. However, she didn't know if I felt the same way, so she stayed with him. Eventually, we admitted to one another how we felt about each other and she made the decision to commit to me (they had eventually broken up)... only to find out that she was pregnant. Sadly, her best move was to stay with her ex (since he was the father) and yeah...

Sorry to lay the entire story on you.

**Neo Emolga** · 02-17-2017, 05:05 AM

I have yet to find "The One."

I honestly think it won't ever happen as the idea of marriage just outright scares me. Most of the people I know that got married just seem so unhappy and divorce makes things so many times worse. I don't think it's worth the risk. I see what some people go through and it really does seem like there's way more safety, happiness, and freedom in just remaining single.

I'm definitely not one for taking the initiative to ask a girl on a date either. I'm petrified of getting an insulting response or something along the lines of them already being in a relationship. I have heard cases of people being stood up or taken advantage of to get a free dinner squeezed out of them. Or even worse, find out later that they're cheating on someone else.

To me, the world of dating just seems like a dirty, unpleasant, and unhappy one with many disappointments and broken hearts. I'll take my slice of loneliness over that.

**Soups** · 02-17-2017, 07:26 AM

Originally Posted by Neo Emolga

I have yet to find "The One."

I honestly think it won't ever happen as the idea of marriage just outright scares me. Most of the people I know that got married just seem so unhappy and divorce makes things so many times worse. I don't think it's worth the risk. I see what some people go through and it really does seem like there's way more safety, happiness, and freedom in just remaining single.

I'm definitely not one for taking the initiative to ask a girl on a date either. I'm petrified of getting an insulting response or something along the lines of them already being in a relationship. I have heard cases of people being stood up or taken advantage of to get a free dinner squeezed out of them. Or even worse, find out later that they're cheating on someone else.

To me, the world of dating just seems like a dirty, unpleasant, and unhappy one with many disappointments and broken hearts. I'll take my slice of loneliness over that.

To be honest with you, I completely agree. I'd be fine if I was single for the remainder of my life. From what I've experienced, it's simply just not worth it. I've got enough self-love, love from my family, and love from my friends. I'll be alright.

**Chibi Altaria** · 02-17-2017, 08:27 AM

I'm not going to suggest that EVERYONE out there is some evil person who is going to hurt you. I mean, yeah, there may be a lot of bad people in the world, but look at us! We're not anything like those guys, and I'm happy enough to be on the lookout for a future partner. I'm not putting myself out there, nor going on some dating website, or off to clubs, or whatnot. But I feel like as long as I am happy living my life the way I want to, I'm fine if someone comes along and we happen to hit it off.

I used to be scared about admitting my feelings to someone (and it's still nerve wracking the more you like them, honestly), but at the end of the day you can sit around waiting for something to happen, being petrified, but you may as well just up and say something to get it over with. That's the quickest way to find out whether you have a chance with that person, or to move on and look for someone else if you desire. I've learned that life is far too short to worry so much about what others think of you, or to harbour a fear of being rejected. It happens, it sucks, but it's a part of life. Anyway, I think that the right person won't care about such trivial things.

Also, you don't have to get married. My dad and step mum are happily together (and have been so for years), but they're never going to get married. It's not like they'll split up or anything, it's just that they don't want to waste the money on some event, or a piece of paper. And that's fine if it's what they want. Honestly that doesn't (and shouldn't) change the feelings in a relationship. Nothing changes because people get "married". A relationship is what you make it, after all.

But if you guys are happy enough living out your life the way you are, that's fine too. c: Anyone can live the way they choose.

**Pokemon Trainer Sarah** · 02-18-2017, 08:39 AM

I also would struggle a LOT with "dating" as it's done these days. I have only ever liked people I was friends with first and I can't really imagine being able to get to know someone well enough if I started dating a stranger (from a site or met irl) without them expecting things I wouldn't want to do unless I knew them for a long time first haha. So I really don't blame anyone that doesn't want to actively seek people to date in that way (if you do however, more power to you!). I've found that the best way to meet someone I have a potential future with is to do hobbies and get to know people as friends first. Whether that means chatting on online communities, playing a sport, going to the gym or playing card games at a store! Whatever it is, if you get out there and do something you enjoy then you're already meeting people who share that interest with you which is a great basis for a friendship. And if you're lucky you might meet someone special! I don't think I would ever date someone I wasn't friends with first.

Personally, I met my ex on PE2K about 10 years ago now (don't laugh

). I was about 17 iirc. We were friends for a couple years first and it was a good relationship overall, but after 5 years we were still living on opposite sides of the planet with no real plans to fix that, plus I grew up a lot in those 5 years and we just grew apart. I thought he was the one I would end up with for plenty of years, but since we broke up I have realised that for me it was more of a best friendship than anything else. We had a lot of good times, I learned heaps about what I want and what I can put up with (no more long distance!!!), and both of us visited parts of the world we might never have otherwise been to, so no regrets. :D

Originally Posted by Chibi Altaria

I used to be scared about admitting my feelings to someone (and it's still nerve wracking the more you like them, honestly), but at the end of the day you can sit around waiting for something to happen, being petrified, but you may as well just up and say something to get it over with. That's the quickest way to find out whether you have a chance with that person, or to move on and look for someone else if you desire. I've learned that life is far too short to worry so much about what others think of you, or to harbour a fear of being rejected. It happens, it sucks, but it's a part of life. Anyway, I think that the right person won't care about such trivial things.

I totally agree with everything you've said in this thread! And I find this in particular incredibly impressive! I've never been able to admit feelings to anyone but that is a wonderful attitude to have!

**Chibi Altaria** · 02-18-2017, 10:15 AM

Originally Posted by Pokemon Trainer Sarah

I also would struggle a LOT with "dating" as it's done these days. I have only ever liked people I was friends with first and I can't really imagine being able to get to know someone well enough if I started dating a stranger (from a site or met irl) without them expecting things I wouldn't want to do unless I knew them for a long time first haha. So I really don't blame anyone that doesn't want to actively seek people to date in that way (if you do however, more power to you!). I've found that the best way to meet someone I have a potential future with is to do hobbies and get to know people as friends first. Whether that means chatting on online communities, playing a sport, going to the gym or playing card games at a store! Whatever it is, if you get out there and do something you enjoy then you're already meeting people who share that interest with you which is a great basis for a friendship. And if you're lucky you might meet someone special! I don't think I would ever date someone I wasn't friends with first.

Personally, I met my ex on PE2K about 10 years ago now (don't laugh

). I was about 17 iirc. We were friends for a couple years first and it was a good relationship overall, but after 5 years we were still living on opposite sides of the planet with no real plans to fix that, plus I grew up a lot in those 5 years and we just grew apart. I thought he was the one I would end up with for plenty of years, but since we broke up I have realised that for me it was more of a best friendship than anything else. We had a lot of good times, I learned heaps about what I want and what I can put up with (no more long distance!!!), and both of us visited parts of the world we might never have otherwise been to, so no regrets. :D

I totally agree with everything you've said in this thread! And I find this in particular incredibly impressive! I've never been able to admit feelings to anyone but that is a wonderful attitude to have!

Yeah, me too. And that's how I see it. I'm not one of those people that can just immediately "date" someone after meeting them. I believe that you should be friends before all else, and learn to love each other in that respect first. If others have a different way of doing things, that's fine, but this is me, personally. I find love is something to treasure, and feelings like that shouldn't be handed out "half-assed" so to speak. I'm really socially awkward (in person), though, because I don't get out enough (or have many friends around nearby) to put my social skills to use. xD So when I actually meet someone that I like I have no idea how I should act, aha.

I met an ex on PE2K too and it didn't last long, nor did I think it would. Like you, we were friends first, but also had that pesky issue of distance and I don't deal well with that at all. I'm also a realist, so I'm very aware that just because you really like someone doesn't mean everything is going to magically work out. Especially when it involves such a vast distance and you don't have the money to spend on frequent holidays. xD I learned too, about the things I want and what I can and can't handle. I would never say it was a waste, though, because I learned a lot. But I was also pretty immature back then. Even when I thought I wasn't. :p

Thanks, Sarah. xD I suppose it's like when I was a kid. I was terrified of going on those rides at theme parks in case something would break down. And yeah, that's true. But it's not very often (if they take care of the rides), and I could be missing out on something I'd really enjoy. After I came back from my study abroad in 2013 I got over a lot of things. Nothing ever seemed as scary as being on my own around the other side of the world, away from everyone I knew. Mind you I was never really scared about that in the first place. xD Rather excited. When I came back, everything else seemed so tame. I guess I matured a little?

@Soups You're welcome. c: My step mum loves telling me (although I hate it) that things happen for a reason. And I believe if you along in your life, just doing what you want to do to make yourself happy, eventually someone will come along. Or several someones. If that doesn't happen, you'll at least be content in what you have and what you've achieved. You need to love yourself first.

**Soups** · 02-19-2017, 07:46 AM

Originally Posted by Chibi Altaria

You're welcome. c: My step mum loves telling me (although I hate it) that things happen for a reason. And I believe if you along in your life, just doing what you want to do to make yourself happy, eventually someone will come along. Or several someones. If that doesn't happen, you'll at least be content in what you have and what you've achieved. You need to love yourself first.

Self-love is the most important love of all!

**Soups** · 02-18-2017, 09:17 AM

Originally Posted by Chibi Altaria

I'm not going to suggest that EVERYONE out there is some evil person who is going to hurt you. I mean, yeah, there may be a lot of bad people in the world, but look at us! We're not anything like those guys, and I'm happy enough to be on the lookout for a future partner. I'm not putting myself out there, nor going on some dating website, or off to clubs, or whatnot. But I feel like as long as I am happy living my life the way I want to, I'm fine if someone comes along and we happen to hit it off.

I used to be scared about admitting my feelings to someone (and it's still nerve wracking the more you like them, honestly), but at the end of the day you can sit around waiting for something to happen, being petrified, but you may as well just up and say something to get it over with. That's the quickest way to find out whether you have a chance with that person, or to move on and look for someone else if you desire. I've learned that life is far too short to worry so much about what others think of you, or to harbour a fear of being rejected. It happens, it sucks, but it's a part of life. Anyway, I think that the right person won't care about such trivial things.

Also, you don't have to get married. My dad and step mum are happily together (and have been so for years), but they're never going to get married. It's not like they'll split up or anything, it's just that they don't want to waste the money on some event, or a piece of paper. And that's fine if it's what they want. Honestly that doesn't (and shouldn't) change the feelings in a relationship. Nothing changes because people get "married". A relationship is what you make it, after all.

But if you guys are happy enough living out your life the way you are, that's fine too. c: Anyone can live the way they choose.

Thanks for the uplifting perspective, Chibi. After a few rodeos, it's difficult not to think that you'll never come across the one that's meant for you. I know it's not all said and done though. I've just got to be patient and focus on my life, family, and friends until that person comes along. However, if that person doesn't come along, I won't be broken up. As I told Neo, I've got enough self love and love from others. I'll be alright. I always am.

**Mujaffa** · 02-17-2017, 12:46 PM

maybe someday i'll meet this legendary "the one" but so far no luck on that regard. never really had any lasting relationships and it's rare for me to get crushes or whatnot, did have one a few year back tho and i think that wouldave been different.. buut. you know how it goes. she was an aromantic and i decided to respect that to keep her as a friend. to this day i believe that was the correct call. got to talk it out with her and she was very nice about it. i'm still kinda feeling it too. but nowhere near as much as i did at the time, so i'm as over it as i'll be i guess.
i never was good at sob stories.