The One

[Palamon]

How many times in your life have you felt like you found the person for you but they ended up being nothing like you expected?

Have you found "the one" yet?

*By the one, I mean someone you're dating or whatever or married to, doesn't matter.

[Soups]

Honestly, I've come across two people at two different times in my life so far that I've felt like I belonged with. With the first one, we gave it a go, and unfortunately... I was cheated on. As much as it hurt, I kept my head held high and learned from the situation rather than sulk about it, you know?

With the second... yeah, it was just an unfortunate situation. She had a boyfriend for the longest, but apparently she always wanted to be with me from the get go. However, she didn't know if I felt the same way, so she stayed with him. Eventually, we admitted to one another how we felt about each other and she made the decision to commit to me (they had eventually broken up)... only to find out that she was pregnant. Sadly, her best move was to stay with her ex (since he was the father) and yeah...

Sorry to lay the entire story on you.

[Neo Emolga]

I have yet to find "The One."

I honestly think it won't ever happen as the idea of marriage just outright scares me. Most of the people I know that got married just seem so unhappy and divorce makes things so many times worse. I don't think it's worth the risk. I see what some people go through and it really does seem like there's way more safety, happiness, and freedom in just remaining single.

I'm definitely not one for taking the initiative to ask a girl on a date either. I'm petrified of getting an insulting response or something along the lines of them already being in a relationship. I have heard cases of people being stood up or taken advantage of to get a free dinner squeezed out of them. Or even worse, find out later that they're cheating on someone else.

To me, the world of dating just seems like a dirty, unpleasant, and unhappy one with many disappointments and broken hearts. I'll take my slice of loneliness over that.

[Soups]

I have yet to find "The One."

I honestly think it won't ever happen as the idea of marriage just outright scares me. Most of the people I know that got married just seem so unhappy and divorce makes things so many times worse. I don't think it's worth the risk. I see what some people go through and it really does seem like there's way more safety, happiness, and freedom in just remaining single.

I'm definitely not one for taking the initiative to ask a girl on a date either. I'm petrified of getting an insulting response or something along the lines of them already being in a relationship. I have heard cases of people being stood up or taken advantage of to get a free dinner squeezed out of them. Or even worse, find out later that they're cheating on someone else.

To me, the world of dating just seems like a dirty, unpleasant, and unhappy one with many disappointments and broken hearts. I'll take my slice of loneliness over that.

To be honest with you, I completely agree. I'd be fine if I was single for the remainder of my life. From what I've experienced, it's simply just not worth it. I've got enough self-love, love from my family, and love from my friends. I'll be alright.

[Chibi Altaria]

I'm not going to suggest that EVERYONE out there is some evil person who is going to hurt you. I mean, yeah, there may be a lot of bad people in the world, but look at us! We're not anything like those guys, and I'm happy enough to be on the lookout for a future partner. I'm not putting myself out there, nor going on some dating website, or off to clubs, or whatnot. But I feel like as long as I am happy living my life the way I want to, I'm fine if someone comes along and we happen to hit it off.

I used to be scared about admitting my feelings to someone (and it's still nerve wracking the more you like them, honestly), but at the end of the day you can sit around waiting for something to happen, being petrified, but you may as well just up and say something to get it over with. That's the quickest way to find out whether you have a chance with that person, or to move on and look for someone else if you desire. I've learned that life is far too short to worry so much about what others think of you, or to harbour a fear of being rejected. It happens, it sucks, but it's a part of life. Anyway, I think that the right person won't care about such trivial things.

Also, you don't have to get married. My dad and step mum are happily together (and have been so for years), but they're never going to get married. It's not like they'll split up or anything, it's just that they don't want to waste the money on some event, or a piece of paper. And that's fine if it's what they want. Honestly that doesn't (and shouldn't) change the feelings in a relationship. Nothing changes because people get "married". A relationship is what you make it, after all.

But if you guys are happy enough living out your life the way you are, that's fine too. c: Anyone can live the way they choose.

[Mujaffa]

maybe someday i'll meet this legendary "the one" but so far no luck on that regard. never really had any lasting relationships and it's rare for me to get crushes or whatnot, did have one a few year back tho and i think that wouldave been different.. buut. you know how it goes. she was an aromantic and i decided to respect that to keep her as a friend. to this day i believe that was the correct call. got to talk it out with her and she was very nice about it. i'm still kinda feeling it too. but nowhere near as much as i did at the time, so i'm as over it as i'll be i guess.
i never was good at sob stories.

[Neo Emolga]

I'm not going to suggest that EVERYONE out there is some evil person who is going to hurt you. I mean, yeah, there may be a lot of bad people in the world, but look at us! We're not anything like those guys, and I'm happy enough to be on the lookout for a future partner. I'm not putting myself out there, nor going on some dating website, or off to clubs, or whatnot. But I feel like as long as I am happy living my life the way I want to, I'm fine if someone comes along and we happen to hit it off.

I used to be scared about admitting my feelings to someone (and it's still nerve wracking the more you like them, honestly), but at the end of the day you can sit around waiting for something to happen, being petrified, but you may as well just up and say something to get it over with. That's the quickest way to find out whether you have a chance with that person, or to move on and look for someone else if you desire. I've learned that life is far too short to worry so much about what others think of you, or to harbour a fear of being rejected. It happens, it sucks, but it's a part of life. Anyway, I think that the right person won't care about such trivial things.

Also, you don't have to get married. My dad and step mum are happily together (and have been so for years), but they're never going to get married. It's not like they'll split up or anything, it's just that they don't want to waste the money on some event, or a piece of paper. And that's fine if it's what they want. Honestly that doesn't (and shouldn't) change the feelings in a relationship. Nothing changes because people get "married". A relationship is what you make it, after all.

But if you guys are happy enough living out your life the way you are, that's fine too. c: Anyone can live the way they choose.

Wow, those are really good points too. Yeah, I haven't signed up for any dating websites either, even though my parents originally met through some kind of matchmaking thing similar to what those websites do.

And that is true about fear of rejection. I guess before, I felt it was a little more personal, but I'm so used to rejection that I'm probably numb to it by now. Job rejection, manuscript rejection, and loads of other types of rejection. Maybe you're right, maybe I'd be more "yeah, okay, whatever" and try again. I guess maybe I'm nervous simply because I haven't tried it before.

And that's also true about marriage. All the expensive fanfare behind it and stress-inducing work it inflicts on the couple doesn't seem like fun either, but like you said, you don't have to do that. Or you can just make it a small, private thing. I'm sure churches are okay with that. Right now, we're the generation that really can't afford really massive weddings and expensive shindigs, so they're probably more accustomed to this thing.

And thanks, what you said made me feel a little better about this whole thing. You're so good at doing that for me whether it's done with fun Emolga sketches or just plain good, optimistic advice. :3 You rock, Gemma!

[Chibi Altaria]

Wow, those are really good points too. Yeah, I haven't signed up for any dating websites either, even though my parents originally met through some kind of matchmaking thing similar to what those websites do.

And that is true about fear of rejection. I guess before, I felt it was a little more personal, but I'm so used to rejection that I'm probably numb to it by now. Job rejection, manuscript rejection, and loads of other types of rejection. Maybe you're right, maybe I'd be more "yeah, okay, whatever" and try again. I guess maybe I'm nervous simply because I haven't tried it before.

And that's also true about marriage. All the expensive fanfare behind it and stress-inducing work it inflicts on the couple doesn't seem like fun either, but like you said, you don't have to do that. Or you can just make it a small, private thing. I'm sure churches are okay with that. Right now, we're the generation that really can't afford really massive weddings and expensive shindigs, so they're probably more accustomed to this thing.

And thanks, what you said made me feel a little better about this whole thing. You're so good at doing that for me whether it's done with fun Emolga sketches or just plain good, optimistic advice. :3 You rock, Gemma!

I've heard both good and bad things about dating websites, and I don't condone the good ones (ie. not Tinder xD). Sometimes it's a lot easier for people to meet and talk online. There's nothing wrong with that.

I'm not saying to go and there and be so used to rejection that you feel numb to it. I don't think that's a great approach, because if you really cared for said person you would have to feel something. I just mean to try not to let it drag you down so much. It's going to suck, and it's going to hurt, but there are many other great people out there. And most of the time (if people don't suck) a date rejection isn't a personal vendetta. I still get plenty nervous when I admit things like that, btw. My heartbeat skyrockets. xD But I feel like I should do something, rather than wait.

Tbh I've never wanted a large wedding. A small one outdoors with my close friends suits me fine. c: I'd rather spend the money on something useful, like a house (or things for a house) instead of some large event, or a holiday. Actually, I'll be lucky if I can even afford a house in this day and age. XD But yeah, you can make a wedding, or relationship, anything that you want to. Not just what society says.

Teehee. You're so welcome, Neo. :D I'm glad I could help.

[Pokemon Trainer Sarah]

I also would struggle a LOT with "dating" as it's done these days. I have only ever liked people I was friends with first and I can't really imagine being able to get to know someone well enough if I started dating a stranger (from a site or met irl) without them expecting things I wouldn't want to do unless I knew them for a long time first haha. So I really don't blame anyone that doesn't want to actively seek people to date in that way (if you do however, more power to you!). I've found that the best way to meet someone I have a potential future with is to do hobbies and get to know people as friends first. Whether that means chatting on online communities, playing a sport, going to the gym or playing card games at a store! Whatever it is, if you get out there and do something you enjoy then you're already meeting people who share that interest with you which is a great basis for a friendship. And if you're lucky you might meet someone special! I don't think I would ever date someone I wasn't friends with first.

Personally, I met my ex on PE2K about 10 years ago now (don't laugh ). I was about 17 iirc. We were friends for a couple years first and it was a good relationship overall, but after 5 years we were still living on opposite sides of the planet with no real plans to fix that, plus I grew up a lot in those 5 years and we just grew apart. I thought he was the one I would end up with for plenty of years, but since we broke up I have realised that for me it was more of a best friendship than anything else. We had a lot of good times, I learned heaps about what I want and what I can put up with (no more long distance!!!), and both of us visited parts of the world we might never have otherwise been to, so no regrets. :D

I used to be scared about admitting my feelings to someone (and it's still nerve wracking the more you like them, honestly), but at the end of the day you can sit around waiting for something to happen, being petrified, but you may as well just up and say something to get it over with. That's the quickest way to find out whether you have a chance with that person, or to move on and look for someone else if you desire. I've learned that life is far too short to worry so much about what others think of you, or to harbour a fear of being rejected. It happens, it sucks, but it's a part of life. Anyway, I think that the right person won't care about such trivial things.

I totally agree with everything you've said in this thread! And I find this in particular incredibly impressive! I've never been able to admit feelings to anyone but that is a wonderful attitude to have!

[Soups]

I'm not going to suggest that EVERYONE out there is some evil person who is going to hurt you. I mean, yeah, there may be a lot of bad people in the world, but look at us! We're not anything like those guys, and I'm happy enough to be on the lookout for a future partner. I'm not putting myself out there, nor going on some dating website, or off to clubs, or whatnot. But I feel like as long as I am happy living my life the way I want to, I'm fine if someone comes along and we happen to hit it off.

I used to be scared about admitting my feelings to someone (and it's still nerve wracking the more you like them, honestly), but at the end of the day you can sit around waiting for something to happen, being petrified, but you may as well just up and say something to get it over with. That's the quickest way to find out whether you have a chance with that person, or to move on and look for someone else if you desire. I've learned that life is far too short to worry so much about what others think of you, or to harbour a fear of being rejected. It happens, it sucks, but it's a part of life. Anyway, I think that the right person won't care about such trivial things.

Also, you don't have to get married. My dad and step mum are happily together (and have been so for years), but they're never going to get married. It's not like they'll split up or anything, it's just that they don't want to waste the money on some event, or a piece of paper. And that's fine if it's what they want. Honestly that doesn't (and shouldn't) change the feelings in a relationship. Nothing changes because people get "married". A relationship is what you make it, after all.

But if you guys are happy enough living out your life the way you are, that's fine too. c: Anyone can live the way they choose.

Thanks for the uplifting perspective, Chibi. After a few rodeos, it's difficult not to think that you'll never come across the one that's meant for you. I know it's not all said and done though. I've just got to be patient and focus on my life, family, and friends until that person comes along. However, if that person doesn't come along, I won't be broken up. As I told Neo, I've got enough self love and love from others. I'll be alright. I always am.