A short Pokémon story

[Suicune's Fire]

Nice little story, Cleobel! xD I love that it was based off that I'm Blue song, hahaha. How funny. And wow, I love shiny froslass! They're so cool! :D And please, don't be sorry about mistakes! English is the only language I can speak, so I find it amazing when people can speak more than one! :D You did extremely well!

I'd like to help you out with some pointers for grammar and English terminology. If you'd like my help, here it is. :]


In English we don't have a space before ! or ?. So it would be "Thank you, my sweetheart!" instead of "Thank you, my sweetheart !" It will probably be a little difficult to get used to, but that's okay. :]

She directly became a beautiful shiny Froslass.

I think that instead of "directly," the word "immediately" would be better. Immediate means something happens straight away, without any delay. Directly is sort of the same, but it is generally used in different contexts. For instance, you would say "She went directly to the market," which means that she went to the market without stopping anywhere else first. "She went immediately to the market" means that she went straight away. The difference between the two is that you can be direct without being immediate, if that makes any sense. xD "Immediately" would mean directly and straight away.

Another tip is that two characters must never speak on the same line or paragraph. If the blue guy talks on one line, then his girlfriend must speak on another line. Like this:

« I think you drank too much, honey… ».
He told her : « Oh yes, I forgot one thing : I lost the Game ! ».

I'm not sure if the » marks are commonplace in French, but in English we would use quotation marks. " Also, if you have ! at the end of a sentence, you don't need to follow it up with a . at all. Also, the punctuation goes inside the quotation marks, not after them. Keeping these things in mind, this is how the paragraph would change:

"I think you drank too much, honey…"
He told her: "Oh yes, I forgot one thing: I lost the Game!"

You can also make that : into a comma, which is more commonly used before speech like that. :]


I hope that helped you! :D Writing stories in English is a really good way to learn it. We also have another French speaker on the forum, @Liokora who does the comic Pokemon Alpha. It is all in English though. :]

Nice going, Cleobel! ^-^ I hope you continue to write more in the future!