[WAR] What We Hope (PG)

[Grassy_Aggron]

Ha ha, it's all right. I understand preference wholeheartedly, and I certainly don't think less of you for that. i could've sworn you mentioned thief in the story though, which is where my confusion set in XD

As for wordy parts, it might have been me being really tired. It was 1 AM+ when I read it, so my mind was more than likely a little frazzled. It doesn't seem too bad when I reread it, there was just one part that felt a little wordy.

And when it slithers its way along the filthy floor in your conscience, raising its septic, elongated claws so practiced in the art of infection and promised slaughter, all you can do is watch from afar as those deathly spikes plunge into anything and everything you care about.

This is a single sentence. Don't get me wrong, I love the description in it, but I'm torn since I also feel like it might be a tad bit too long. I don't know >.<

[Suicune's Fire]

Ha ha, it's all right. I understand preference wholeheartedly, and I certainly don't think less of you for that. i could've sworn you mentioned thief in the story though, which is where my confusion set in XD

As for wordy parts, it might have been me being really tired. It was 1 AM+ when I read it, so my mind was more than likely a little frazzled. It doesn't seem too bad when I reread it, there was just one part that felt a little wordy.

This is a single sentence. Don't get me wrong, I love the description in it, but I'm torn since I also feel like it might be a tad bit too long. I don't know >.<

Yay. ^.^ And nope. I just CTRL F'd it to make sure and there's no mention of thieves. xD

Oh lol. Oh, okay then! xD

XD No I totally get it. I did see that sentence, like, yesterday or something and thought, "Wow, did I seriously write a sentence that long?" XD I mean, I like that sentence and I'm not entirely sure how to break it up while keeping its effect, but I agree that it's too long. xD


~SF.