"Today was a terrible day because..."

[Bulbasaur]

Just a warning, I am going to talk about things that might make certain people uneasy.

I feel like past few years (but mainly the past few months) my anxiety has really started causing me problems. I never had this issue in my life, but it seems to be a really big problem. I started cutting in freshmen year of high school, ironically a year after I left a partial mental health program. It lost me a few friendships, and I feel like that made my anxiety and trust in people go down a ton. I started journal for just venting my issues on paper. I think it hit 10 pages in a month.

One day, I got really anxious over something stupid during an assembly, so I snuck upstairs, took some scissors from a classroom, and cut a little bit. But it did it a little too much, and it started bleeding a lot. I was freaking out when a teacher found me with the blood on my arm. I tried fibbing, but they knew it was intentional, and they sent me home.

After that I tried to stop cutting, but I always came back to it every once in a while. I found it worse when I didn't cut, honestly. I went as far as trying to write a suicide note about a month ago. I couldn't even finish the note before breaking down in tears. I don't think suicide will ever be a problem for me because I just don't have the guts to do it.

I have never been diagnosed with depression or anything, mainly because I don't have time to see a therapist regularly. Either way, my last therapist would get mad at me when I was letting out feelings, so I'm not really ready to try another one. The one thing I was diagnosed with at partial (which probably isn't true) was bipolar type two. But honestly, I could care less about the labels. What's important is I can't handle my anxiety.

I don't want to keep living this way. I don't want to feel like I'm being tortured mentally.

[Soups]

Just a warning, I am going to talk about things that might make certain people uneasy.

I feel like past few years (but mainly the past few months) my anxiety has really started causing me problems. I never had this issue in my life, but it seems to be a really big problem. I started cutting in freshmen year of high school, ironically a year after I left a partial mental health program. It lost me a few friendships, and I feel like that made my anxiety and trust in people go down a ton. I started journal for just venting my issues on paper. I think it hit 10 pages in a month.

One day, I got really anxious over something stupid during an assembly, so I snuck upstairs, took some scissors from a classroom, and cut a little bit. But it did it a little too much, and it started bleeding a lot. I was freaking out when a teacher found me with the blood on my arm. I tried fibbing, but they knew it was intentional, and they sent me home.

After that I tried to stop cutting, but I always came back to it every once in a while. I found it worse when I didn't cut, honestly. I went as far as trying to write a suicide note about a month ago. I couldn't even finish the note before breaking down in tears. I don't think suicide will ever be a problem for me because I just don't have the guts to do it.

I have never been diagnosed with depression or anything, mainly because I don't have time to see a therapist regularly. Either way, my last therapist would get mad at me when I was letting out feelings, so I'm not really ready to try another one. The one thing I was diagnosed with at partial (which probably isn't true) was bipolar type two. But honestly, I could care less about the labels. What's important is I can't handle my anxiety.

I don't want to keep living this way. I don't want to feel like I'm being tortured mentally.

Suicune's Fire is 100% correct. Don't EVER be afraid or hesitant to share how you're feeling. It's unhealthy to bottle it all up. Even if you don't want to communicate with people about how you feel in fear that they may not understand you, find a different way to do so... whether it be through writing, music, etc. You're only human, bud. Don't be too hard on yourself. You're the only you that there will ever be. Be excited about that. It's an awesome fact.

If you ever need to vent, I'd be more than willing to listen. I want you to know that.